Day 48/12 semen retention. Last night I was stressed because of unexpected bills, then really bored and ended up watching youtube videos because I couldn't sleep while that bored. Ended up feeding my brain with nonsense that wasn't good for me at all because I've already exhausted my normal entertainment stuff earlier in the day like gym videos and such and I forgot to do my 5 minute meditation before bed. I really have a problem with late night boredom. Also because of my problem last night I had a really hard time this morning where my mind was going towards sexual thoughts and I couldn't control my mind from playing out those scenes. As a solution to this, I've decided not to engage in any entertainment earlier in the day and save the videos I would watch untill later in the day, everything in the morning untill 4-5pm from now on will be focused on productivity. Also I need to talk about something, I'm becoming super sensitive towards women all of a sudden, I've had a rule that says I'm not allowed to look at women intentionally when I'm outside so whenever I see a woman, I turn away my gaze somewhere else. I wouldn't have made it this far without this rule. Now for some reason whenever I glance at a woman, fully clothed and everything I go nuts, even if she's not really good looking but I also don't want to start looking because then my mind will absorb that and I'll get frustrated more and more untill the urges become uncontrollable. I need to find a way to not get triggered by women anymore, the whole reason for my rule was to find peace within myself. In the beginning of my current streak I had a rule of no phone in bed, but I made new rules of no humping the bed or touching myself aswell as putting the phone down for 30 minutes if I start looking for porn which have never happened. It worked so good I can be as bored as I was last night in my bed looking for dopamine and not even think to look at that whatsoever. I need new rules for women.
31/207 Surrounded by couple of relatives all day. It is very irritating and annoying, not getting time for myself. Past 1 week has been a torture. In fact, everyday is a torture. I don't want to spend a single minute with them and wish they should leave me as soon as possible. One of them is good but his spouse is sneaky, deceitful, liar and what not. It is too much to handle mentally really. I am fed up of this.
Day 49/12 semen retention, I've created a new rule for women. Before it was to not look at them intentionally. Now if I see a woman on the street I'll use it as an opportunity to look at her without getting horny or having urges. I have some rules regarding looking at women too, the first is I'm not allowed to fantasize during or after I've looked, I'm not allowed to go out of my way to look further than what is natural(when the opportunity has past I move on) or turn my head when she has walked past me. I'm training my awareness + relaxation while looking at them, aswell as presence. Being aware lets me know how I feel and where tension is building up, it also lets me know who's in control, me or the urge. The rules I had most trouble with were ones that were reactionary rules. "I'm not allowed to look at women intentionally" encourages an impulsive reaction to look away everytime I see a woman, so does the rule "if you have sexual thoughts, come back to present moment" I should just be present all the time. My advice: identify what's causing or encouraging you to be reactive and change it in a way where you take away or minimize the impulse.
First month completed, goal is four. Past days have been with low motivation (just lay on bed all the time) but high cravings for sexual rush. I don’t panic about this anymore. I don’t have to achieve things to be of value or to be loved. That used to be in my subconscious but I managed to get it to the surface. It’s okay to be lazy sometimes, I don’t care. Eventually it will get boring and I’ll get to action. Just drop them man
Day 0 I Relapsed last night because I skipped my busy schedule and I learnt a many things from this but I'm really confident because after 2.5 years I beat my longest streak of 15 days and Now my longest streak is 20 days so Now I'll beat this too. Thankyou guys I can't do this without you all.