How to Fix Death Grip and/or Porn Addiction in Marriage

Thanks for the detailed pornographic imagery!

 

I definitely agree that porn is major problem in your marriage. But one good thing is that at least he isn't doing PMO with out your knowledge, also he isn't into the more extreme types of porn so that's good.

However, although his porn use is already effecting your marriage, it can and likely will get worse over time unfortunately.

Perhaps you should try to talk to him about it and let him know that it generally takes about 90 days of no pmo to heal and return to normal. Maybe he should consider joining Nofap as well to help him understand what is happening to him better and to learn more about methods of quitting.

You really sound like a great wife who is understanding and patient, so I think you have very chance to overcoming this issue if your husband also puts in the effort. Good luck!

 

The more hooked on porn, the harder it is to climax.
If he can only finish with porn in such "short" time, although everything you've tried, it probably is because of this. He is used to reach climax with a really high stimuli. Anything less than this isn't enough for his brain.
I would recommend him to quit for some weeks or months, to see if there is a difference. It is hard, yes, but it is worth it.

(And also, for the next post try to hide all the sensitive material behind a "spoiler" signal. It hides the explicit content for those who want to avoid triggers.)

 

I doubt it's even a woman posting.

 

I had to stop to read sorry, way too many details and this post could be a trigger to me.

 

Well keep asking him to join and keep printing him off articles from Nofap and YBOP. Also continue to talk to him about his porn use, especially if you stop watching it with him and you don't see improvement. But if he honestly does stop watching it, you will definitely see noticeable improvements, so you will know if he is telling the truth.

 

Don't worry. I am very far in my journey, so i am ableto control myself pretty well. Im talking for the rest of the guys who already made that point.

I have no experience about quitting in a relationship, so everything im about to write is just "theory".
But essentially, quitting is stop giving your brain the dopamine shots porn provides in order to force your brain to rewire.
That lack of stimuli, makes your brain to re-adjust to normal levels of dopamine. However, the brain still demands its shots while adjusting, and that results in cravings, the suffering quitting brings.

The better way would be to quit every sexual stimuli: porn, pseudo-porn (pictures in ig, novels, imagination...) and even sex.
But i understand that sex is part of healthy intimacy in marriage, and the cravings would bring anxiety and emotions overloads, associated with anger, bitter and resentment.
So, at least i would reccommend quitting porn (it could be gradually, but people often relapse when they do this, so they end up going cold turkey) and reducing the amount of sex (because the goal is to re-adjust the brain, not changing the source of the massive dopamine shots, as some people do with food or videogames).
He will have to "suffer", its inevitable when quitting vices. And nobody can quit the first try, its inevitable. So be patient, and pray as much as you can.
(If your husband gets mad with the random guy who told her wife to reduce sex, tell him i'm already sorry.)

One of the best books to understand this is "Your brain on porn", Gary Wilson, the founder of this site.
And there are several others books, religious and non-religious, that may help you and your husband. With a simple search you can find lots of them.

 

I think that he and you will start to see improvements around 60 days of no PMO, but 90 or 120 days is even better, then at that point it is a matter of maintaining the streak so that the benifits continue. The good thing is once he has commited to stopping PMO and has achieved 90 days, it will become somewhat easier to maintain, the first few weeks is the hardest IMO. Note that although he is PMO'ing due to stress or anxiety, in the long term it can make that stress even worse since it causes brain fog and other issues.

 

Thank you for these images dear, i honestly enjoyed reading them(i got horny too...look, nobody is perfect so lets not judge) but i also feel for your frustrations with your husband...

few, on-point tips i can give you straight away:

1. Just like you said, if he is focused on laptop and porn he is NOT focused on his other half and intimacy is lost.

2. Good understanding of how porn is a destroyer of human intimacy and relationships and so much more. Only one side is enough to fall into its trap, for the relationship to fall into a dark pit, slowly but steady. Until the point of break. The more one does it the more imbalances(symptoms) in emotional, mental and physical well being can be observed. INABILITY FOR HIM TO CUM INTO YOUR SWEET PUSSY IS A DIRECT CONNECTION TO PORN USAGE THAT CAUSE HIS INABILITY TO CONNECT WITH YOU ON EMOTIONAL LEVEL AND THAT BLOCKS SOME DEEP PARTS OF HIM THAT PREVENTS HIM TO CUM PIV. I would encourage you to stop blaming yourself for husbands problem and by the time you end up reading my post, you will feel more secure and confident in what you believe the problem is because you are on the right track here...

3. The loss in penis feel can only be fixed by not rubbing it. Let his muscle and tip recover its default sensitivity. Giving it a break of few weeks should do the trick. This might be a problem on male part but if he understands the gravity of the problem he will do whatever it takes to fix it...

You already know but i will just remind you, first step to real intimacy is honesty. Talk to him about why both of you unconsciously get into those silly fights if sex is not involved on regular basis. Then its his turn to respond... and just as a final note, if both sides make a decision to cease in sexual activities for the benefit of long run, that doesn't mean the cease of emotional intimacy, but actual opposite, it strengthens it.

Blessings

 

My husband had de on our honeymoon. I was a virgin and I remember thinking “ is it supposed to take this long?”. I loved sex but it grew unpleasant that he took so long. By the time he was 45 de turned into pied. Now he couldn’t even get hard, for 5 years. Then I discovered porn could be an addiction. Plus realized I was suffering from betrayal trauma. I told him I didn’t care what he did, but I already made an appointment for myself with a counselor and I had been planning on divorce as soon as our youngest graduated. He got into sa groups, started counseling, really started learning about himself. He used pmo for anxiety, stress, depression, almost anything! The first month was like living with a smoker who was quitting, he was angry, emotions all over the place he, couldn’t sleep, he was anxious, sad, just awful. Between 4-6 months pied completely went away. Wow! Now he had pe, lol, less than a few seconds, I loved it, for the first time I felt like he wanted me. Pe lasted about a month. I’d say the biggest changes are not in the bedroom, even though those are huge. He is a freaking MAN. Not the man-child that I married who never grew up. If he slips, even if it’s just masturbating, it affects him in all aspects. He starts to get pied again, he starts withdrawing. He started recovery exactly 3 years ago. This past year have had the biggest changes. He has changed his entire life. There is no quick fix. This is as hard an addiction to quit as meth. The success rates are abysmal. It takes a lot of commitment, desire, and work. I know my husband has said “ this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done”. It has to be a matter of life and death for them to quit. I 100% believe this. My husband started recovery because he was afraid of losing me. He relapsed repeatedly. About a year into recovery that changed. He realized just how miserable he had been his entire life and his addiction was the reason. He is such a different person now. A good start though is finding out if your husband has issues of mental health ie depression, adhd,ocd,anxiety, autism. Some people have an actual chemical imbalance so those need to be addressed as well.

 

Well, he couldn’t get hard, so intercourse was not happening, lol. We did not avoid sex though. However it really did hinder my husbands recovery. As to pe- yeah by that point I absolutely loved it! Lol.

 

Can you talk to my wife?