A Quistion from a 30 years old Virgin ! is Sex overrated ?

I havent' done Karezza with my wife-- well we've just their for a bit and caressed during intercourse for a while, before finishing up. It goes back to the 1930's, I think. So it is not than ancient. But I am not anti-ejaculation during sex, and I wouldn't want to deprive her of orgasms. I'm thinking of this as something that will enable more sex if I get older and cannot ejaculate every time, or if it is something I can talk her into that will make her crave sex with me the following night after we had sex the night before. I have suggested that to her before, but she wasn't interested. Maybe if it has a name, and it's 'a thing' and people say it makes the feelings and emotions stronger in marriage, etc., I can get her to experiment. But just laying there and doing very little might be a way to extend sex out to several hours of the day on a sex vacation, then we can finish up with an orgasm for me and however many she wants and I can insist she have a bit more than she wants, too. But if she's down for skipping O's from time to time, I'd like to experiment with how she like sthat.

Ejaculating insides one's wife is a natural and normal thing. With masturbating to porn, or having sex with someone else, there is the sin issue, There is either looking lustfully at someone one has no right to look at that way, or else joining, bodily, with someone one has no right to join with.

 

My wife would probably have to go a week or two without sex to want it or get aggressive about it. And I hit her up for sex way more often than that, so I rarely get to experience her when she really wants it. At first I thought of lingerie as a nuisance, something that blocked the beauty of female nudity, but I thought I'd get my wife one I saw online for a couple of bucks, a stretchy thing. She didn't want to wear it, thinking it looked slutty, then I talked her into wearing it, and she wanted to try all kinds of positions.

Normally, though, I want it and I think she probably does give in because I want it. But after it starts, she wants it, and she's kind of like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going, except 'go' is the wrong verb. It's kind of like a truck that you have to keep working on to crank, but once it gets crank, you turn off the key and the engine still keeps running.

 

I think good sex contributes. If you are really caring about each others needs and trying to be good to each other, then that applies to the sexual aspect either. We are alive 24 hours a day. How much of that will someone spend having sex? Only 2 or 3 of those? Just kidding. I think average is 2 or 3 times a week. That sounded shockingly and abysmally low when I was in my 20s, and it still sounds depressingly low at my age. I didn't want my wife to hear or read that. The average sex life probably takes up less than an hour a week. And if you get a very active woman or do marathon sex, maybe two to five hours.

I think this depends on who you marry. If you marry, try to be a good lover. My philosophy is if I am physically able and we aren't fasting and she's not on her period, I'm going to give her all the sex she needs and give her as many orgasms as she needs, and persuade her to get more than she wants sometimes, too. But I feel like an untapped resource in that regard, because she isn't hitting me up for sex. I could say I have a stronger sex drive. But once I get her going, it's like I said earlier. Female sexual response can be an amazing thing. Men get to pee standing up and that doesn't usually work out too well for women. And women have to endure pregnancy and childbirth. The multi-O thing is an advantage they have over us. Thinking about childbirth might help me not be too envious. But I guess that depends on the woman. A lot of women supposedly have the ability, so a husband may need to bring that out of her.

I hear about 80% of men have stronger sex drives than their wives. I think that means want to initiate more. But there is that 20% of women. And some of those might be married to low sex drive men, too. And the pattern can change as people age with the wife wanting more than the man. (I'd like that to happen, without my sex drive falling off. I'd like her to chase me around the bedroom, proverbially speaking.)

I married a nice Christian virgin young woman from Asia, while I was living and working there. I think I met one girl who called herself a 'feminist' the whole time I was there, and one woman who had difficulty getting along with her husband after she came back from grad school feeling 'empowered.' My wife is a dynamo and a go-getter, though. But she doesn't talk about patriarchy or ay of that garbage. She's not really into shaming men for not satisfying women. Well, I can remember once when we were newly weds and she'd been 'satisfied' a few times, and I couldn't hold back any longer that she sounded a bit harsh due to frustration. I've learned not to dose off when the refractory period is kicking in, get up on an elbow and keep going if necessary.

If she'd been the type to talk brazenly about sex all the time when I met her, I wouldn't have been interested. I wanted a virgin, and that's not typical virgin behavior and would show a lack of decorum I would have been looking for. It's odd in her country to talk like that around men especially.

I've had some struggles with porn in the past. I am not an addict. I know porn is a click or two away for those who want it, and I just have to not click on it. I don't know how to block with software, and I don't want it blocking other stuff, and I don't want left-wingers blocking content they consider morally objectionable, or I won't be able to browse much. I heard porn addiction could leave men unable to get erections and stuff like that. It didn't make sense. I even read posts from a married woman on a forum who had a pretty picture whose husband she must married was addicted to porn and wouldn't have sex with her. It made no 'sense' to me. I thought the stuff ramped men up for sexual activity. It's a bad and sinful thing to use because of the lust/coveting issue. But I thought it would make men want to tear their wives clothes off. But I guess they tend to 'take care of themselves'.

Men who struggle with porn need to stop using it, and get a wife, for the most part, IMO. There may be a few who get past it who are cut out for celibacy, but I think the porn inclination is probably a good sign the individual is likely someone who needs a woman. Marriage will not take away the temptation, but sex in marriage is a good 'release valve' for sexual desire. The love and affection side of things might quell some of the emotional desires a porn addict has that drives him to porn. But it is no cure in and of itself. A man with this issue has to channel his sexual energies to his wife, too. It is probably fair to tell her about his (presumably past) problem with porn addiction to be fair to her and his desire to channel all his sexual energies into his wife and his need for a willing partner, etc. before marriage.

 

Btw, does happy wife equal happy life? There is something to that. You should want to make her happy, or do what is good for her in the big picture whether it involves immediate happiness. We should be that way with ourselves. There is some truth to it. On the other hand, you can take it to far. You have to have boundaries. If you are too big of a pushover, she won't accept you. I believe the man should be in charge, and if he isn't the woman might struggle with trying to respect him or find him boring. That might be part of the reason for the divorced rate-- men following the feminist script for how men should behave and boring their wives away, combined with social acceptance of divorce, the easy-divorce legal climate, and sexual immorality in society. Women who have sex with men besides their husbands are statistically more likely to divorce (or experience 'marital disruption'.) Adultery is another factor.

But if you get a sexually moral woman, you still have to treat her kindly, but set boundaries and exert a bit of leadership, etc. But happy wife=happy life is a good rule of thumb for how to treat her in the bedroom.

 

In olden times there is some movements by both male and female, like drinking the nectar from each others body and that is the real sex. They mate with there soul and its a part of there life. But porn teach us that the sex is only inserting the organ, gangbangs and this all made people vouyers. See all the web series and films are showing more sex scenes now to make all men cucks. So world is becoming more and more fucked up each and every day.

 

In my experience sex with someone you love and who loves you back is the most amazing feeling. I also say this as someone who once engaged in meaningless addiction driven sex with escorts to what is now a healthy sex life with my girlfriend. So I feel like I've seen both sides of the coin.

The sex in porn and escorts is totally devoid of love and genuine passion, because its fake. Ultimately sex is about love and physical connectivity, skin to skin contact, things that are proven to release dopamine and serotonin which boosts your mood and decreases depression. So while the sex part is good, often times simply being able to cuddle and lay next to someone with that skin to skin contact before and after is the best part of it.

 

Great advice!

 

You'd have to be selective about who to marry, but if she did that, NoFap would be really easy.

 

A good wife is hard to find. But it is also a good thing to have someone to love and share your life with. Maybe finding a good role model in the real world would help you become a good husband.

Sleeping around was not an option for me because of my faith. I did not want to live a life without sex. I wanted the companionship, also children, family, etc. So I read the Bible and learned what a wife should be like and what to be like as a husband, and I prayed a lot and married a woman who has been a good wife for me.

It's also kind of funny, no offense, but it sounds like a guy who has no woman is scared of the idea of being tied down to one woman.

Women require a lot of care and attention. You have companionship and someone to talk to, but sometimes they want to talk when you just want to veg out, or talk about uncomfortable topics like how you can improve on this or that. Some men are like that to their wives, too. It can help you grow as a person, but it can be annoying if it is excessive, too.

The newly wed sex thing was good. Of course, there is love, affection, and intimacy. From a sexual fulfillment perspective, we didn't do intercourse during periods, but I got off just about every day or night for over a couple of years minus some illness, traveling, and maybe a bit of fasting here and there but that might have been later. Sex when I was young was energetic, exciting sex. There was that enjoyment of skin to skin intimacy and the feeling of connection. As I age, the pent up animalistic drive is diminished, but I crave the skin to skin intimacy aspect of it more.

Frequency did slow down a bit with babies, lack of sleep, tiredness, but babies bring a new joy to a couple's life, too, and the lack-of-sleep phase eventually diminishes as the baby sleeps through the night.

But there is more to life than sex. At our peak frequency, we still had maybe 23 hours or 23.25 hours of the day left to live. And it is good to have someone you love who loves you to spend your life with.