Am I desensitized? What's wrong with me?

Yea bro, you are definitely "desensitized". A lot of what you said you've experienced has happened to me. I watched lesbian porn a whole lot around 15, but it got boring. Developed HOCD and it would take me 10 minutes to PMO to vanilla stuff too. I would say try to start on NoFap and set small goals. Like get to 1 day, then 3 days, then 7 days, and so on. You most likely aren't gonna get on a super long streak right now (assuming you're new to NoFap). But a lot of guys been facing similar things, myself included. Just know that NoFap and staying away from the porn will make these feelings go away.

 

You're desensitized unfortunately!

Don't panic, all you can and need to do is to abstaining from PMO. You will regain your normal sensitivity after some time.

Assume your sensitivity is a roof with tons of hole (Your brain after severe PMO). The only people who can fix it is an old man (Your body system) and he will fix your roof for no cost! Unfortunately, this old man works very slow but steadily fix one hole at a time. All you need to do is give that old men enough time (that's what called reboot progress). While giving the old man time as much as he needed, do your best not to create a new hole (slip up, relapse) in the progress.

I hope this help, cheers!

 

Welcome, you are at the right place!

A brief history about my PMO/MO usage...

I MO'd since I was 13... but it was when I went to college at 18 when I became a real PMO addict. The high-speed internet, my own private laptop, a single dorm... It didn't take me long to become a 2x/PMO/day/everyday guy. I would do it late at night AND early morning. When I was home, I supposedly "slept" for 11 hours, my parents were very confused how the hell I was so tired... This went on for 8 years, until I discovered NoFap. I have been here ever since (I am 31 now).

My 2xPMO/day/everyday pattern really ruined me mentally and physically. This is what it was like in my last year before I decided I want to quit!

On the mental side, it got to a point where nothing would excite/arouse me anymore... NOTHING. I had a word doc like 50 pages saved (single-spaced)... In a single session, I would have up to 20+ tabs open, and click through all of them, and I got to a point where I would be like "meh..." I literally thought "Wow, I think I have seen every 'good' video out there..." I couldn't find anything exciting if I tried... And for some context, I was considering dabbling into some crazier and crazier content during those final months, but those just wasn't my style.

On the physical side, my "thing" was basically a dead soft baby carrot that wouldn't wake up anymore. All those "sessions", I gripped it hard, bruised it (blue/gray), injured it, etc... and even when it HURT, I kept doing some "sessions". I PMO'd right through that pain. I never listened to it.

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It all changed when I discovered that TedTalk about how P ruins your brain... scared me to death! It made me quit right there. Take a look at my signature for my history... as you can see, while I still struggle with this every day, I am just glad I am no longer PMO'ing 2x/day/everyday.

What I am about to tell you is exactly why we should continue to put up this fight:
Within the first two weeks in my first attempt of NoFap, I had my erection in months! I mean I felt like I haven't seen a certain old friend in so long lol. Any it wasn't just any erection, but it woke up in a way like I cannot even remember when it last did that... what also amazing me was I just knew I was bigger (but I digress)...

My relapses do set me back... the lockdowns really hurt my progress, but I vow to never give up! If you want to reverse the sensitivity damages done (to your brain and your "thing"), NoFap is the way forward.

Fight the good fight bro!

 

I also want to touch on another thing you said, "I used to be all excited about seeing hot girls in high school."

I know exactly what you are talking about man. It has happened to me too. PMO reduced me to half a life, for lack of a better way to put it. It destroyed my personality in so many ways. I gained weight, I failed out of grad school, I had absolutely ZERO confidence in girls. I had absolutely no desire to approach them or strike up a conversation with any of them! PMO will "cheat" you into thinking you are getting your fix with women.

I have been where you are brotha. I am telling you right now. Turned it all around IS possible!

Btw, I envy you for discovering NF at a much younger age than I was. My life would have turned out differently in so many ways if I stayed away from PMO during ages 18-26... those were supposed to some defining years of my life, and I ruined them... but I got to do a few cool things since!


I feel compelled to share with you two posts I made on NF a while back. These are VERY different stories. Believe it or not, they are both written and about the same guy. The only difference is what period of my life I was in.

Losing Confidence and The One that Got Away…
There was a wonderful lady was in my life while I was somewhere in the middle of my 2x/PMO/day/everyday phase... we had potential and I never did a damn thing!

How I went from "forever alone" to having an amazing romantic experience in Europe
I met this lady during my first year in NoFap. I NEVER thought I would have something like this happen to me, ever!

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I hope this is motivation for you to keep fighting the good fight! You can do it!

Remember, a lot of good people here. We got your back, whenever you need us!

 

Let me put 5 cents into fountain,
Process of desensitization is completely normal during PMO addiction. When I was very young I used to only read erotic novels and use my imagination. I didn't need even a single photo. That was when I started. Something was preventing me from going further. The moment when I was reading those novels more and more frequently it didn't give me enough satisfaction. I started searching photos, then eventually porn. I'm addict for more than 10 years. I've almost always watched vanilla level porn. It's no longer super easy to get my soldier up while watching P. So I ended up on some really weird shit I had no idea that even exist. That was first sign for me that it's going way too far. I lost contact with real world. Stopped treating girls even like sexual objects. There was nothing happening inside when I saw or talked to beautiful woman.
And you know what? I think it's completely normal for PMO addicts. We grab more and more absurd P because normal sex is no longer that satisfying. What's more I think it might happen in real life too. Two partners might be super excited for their first approaches and do it really frequently but with time it differ and might to start diffrentialise their sexual activity.
However I've to admit I never ever approached gay P. This is area that has been always something that I didn't decide to go for. This was always something that is just disgusting for me. I watched really weird shit but never wanted to watch G porn. So I can't relate to this one part.

 

What you describe is anhedonia. I have it very badly, too. It's a very common symptomp of addiction in general as well as depression.

 

Oh sorry I think I missunderstood! Then forget about the last paragraph. I wouldn't count that... kinda different category imho. Limiting sources of dopamine kinda helped me to deal with anhedonia. I'm able to be part of society, again. For me it was cutting of PMO and video games.

 

As long as it's not obessive playing then that's fine. I used to play a lot multiplayer games and it gave me so much dopamine that I couldn't see other things, I didn't enjoy staying within company, friends were nonexistant. I cared only about being the best. I have addictive personality. I still play single player games but it's no way near gaming I used to do.