Accountability Journal

As @TaoJones says, freedom is worth any price. I can testify that what he says is true so the steps you are taking may be painful but you have wisely placed yourself on the right track! Well done!

Don't be anxious about the ugly memories playing in your head. Yes, these are normal, because the devil wants you back. However, Christ is stronger than the devil, so pray from your heart for Our Precious Lord to fight this fight for you and keep praying until the apprehension passes. These memories will lose all power over you in time.

Although your old self built a pathway in your brain to seek out P and to succumb to it, you can retrain your brain and cause that old pathway to atrophy. Seek to train your brain to call on the Lord for help whenever temptation presents itself and seek to train yourself to look away from temptation immediately. At the end of each day, examine your conscience to consider how well you did and how you might improve tomorrow. With these tools, you are guaranteed success and a life of freedom. Keep up the great work!

 

You are not alone. No doubt we could all use a bit more discipline sometimes but is that the main thing which is missing in our lives?

Last Saturday, I spent a beautiful 1/2 hour silently adoring and thanking Our Lord. Just a half hour, such a short time really. I left our church feeling wonderfully renewed and refreshed- such a contrast to how one feels after PMO. It is easy to see where and how we need more discipline but maybe not so clear to see when we need, first and foremost, is to spend time in quiet conversation with Our Precious Lord.

Yes, I say we all need to exercise self-discipline but first we need regular inspiration from God to motivate us and sustain us. Give Him a call. Enjoy your time with Him and then savour the feelings. Call them to mind when you are tempted and compare the feeling of joy you get from God with the feelings of shame you get from sin.

 

Brainfog is something different but nonetheless still a symptom of PMO withdrawal. It's difficult to describe but is essentially a loss of focus or motivation, perhaps a slightly depressed feeling. It can be caused by any number of things other than withdrawal - I often get it when I work my brain too hard and completely burn out. Apparently the isolation and stress of the pandemic are thought to have triggered it in many people.

However, the flashbacks you have are still known symptoms also and completely normal. Our minds wander all over the place when left to their own devices, so it is only natural they will recall past stimuli. But when this happens you have a choice: you can give in to the desires these thoughts invoke in you, or you can ask God to take them away and grant you the strength to resist until He does. Sadly I have taken the former choice far too often, so when you do reassure yourself you are not alone. At those times we confess our sins and ask God to change our hearts so that it won't happen again.

I will be praying for you, friend!

 

Great point. I have been reminded very recently that any success I have in breaking free from this temptation is a consequence of God's work in my life. As trite or unbelievable as it may sound, God truly is the answer.