Day 187 Had a good conversation with a friend about porn and how it detrimentally affects nearly every aspect of life; body chemistry, lust, sleep, libido, etc - we talked it through and it was surprising to realise what a difference living PMO-free has had on my life. For the past few days I feel I’ve adjusted more to living a life without this addiction, and as a result I’ve had more encouragement to cut other negative parts of my life as well. My confidence has grown, I’m comfortably taking more risks, and I feel more secure in myself than I have in a long time.
Day 6 Had a pretty good day today. Went for a swim, cooked my daily steak, did a bit of teaching and watched the tennis on tv. Quite a nice chill period of my life at the moment. I'm grateful for it. I'm also grateful for my religious community. I'm grateful that they encourage me to do good things for myself. When I was very depressed recently they showed up for me, and that meant a lot to me; I'm not a Catholic but my pastor wrote a reference for me to spend some time at a Benedictine monastery a month ago. I realise that was very generous of him, as he was most concerned that I had the opportunity to do something nurturing for myself, more than what religion I practice. I prayed the rosary tonight for the first time in my life and it was wonderful. It brought me a lot of peace and structure inside. I think I'll keep up this habit for a week or two and see how it goes. Didn't have too many urges today, which is nice. I had some intrusive thoughts at the swimming pool, but I confronted my fears by swimming anyway and I'm grateful I did. It's good for me to do the things I'm afraid of. (When the fear is irrational.)
I completed the 7th day. I feel in a zen state. Able to interact with everything and talk with everyone.
Day 0, Nazgul. "The road goes ever on and on..." Someday I'll be a hobbit. And then much more than that. I've heard people say that the first two weeks can be the hardest. How do you get through those? St. Maria Goretti, pray for us!
It's most likely true but I don't feel that attracted to PM part any more. So I think it's more of a consequence of the addiction, that we still have to deal with.
Day 28 complete This was an easy day with my wife. A new day arises, I don't feel horny yet, didn't have any phantasies yet, I want to keep it this way. If any of phantasies arise I will push them away. And if I notice a woman in the perifery or in the distance, I will care for my business and look straight ahead. Good luck to you guys!
Day 500 no PMO! It has been a long and bumpy road trying to get to the 500. Some days were easy and some were very hard. In the end it was the motivation to not disappoint my family that got me through. My last day of PMO I had stayed home with the exact intent to PMO instead of watching my daughter play softball. I felt so much shame and guilt that day for choosing PMO over my family and decided right there that I would choose them going forward. Somehow I found my way to nofap and then into the Christian community of this webpage. My intuition and logic told me that daily checking in would be ideal and I quickly realized that the Christian community on this site didn’t always have new posts when I came to do my checkin. I wanted to share my journey with others so I inquired if any of the members could point me to a more active group and was referred here to the LOTR challenge. If you look back you will see that I have nearly been here every day since. I come first thing in the mornings, read and like all your posts, occasionally directly interact with your posts and then finish with my daily checkin. All your stories, advice and companionship has been the difference in my success up to this point. Thank you all. I struggled for decades on my own and your support has made the difference. I hate to tell you all that even at 500 days I don’t consider myself healed. I had some strong urges only a few days ago. Life is hard and the urge to use PMO to medicate might always be there for me but I’ve got a strong base now and hope to continue on my recovery path. Good luck to all of you! Together we can do this!