Horny right now. Some thoughts what would stop me from relapsing right now

PS: I know it may sound silly as fuck, but maybe imagining to be kind of like (pre-Amy) Sheldon Cooper could help here? Or just kind of like an alien on Earth who doesn't understand and doesn't want to know anything about that thing called "sexuality"?

I mean, imagine you got into a spaceship and traveled to a planet with other humans living there. But arriving there, you realize that everyone literally is doing heroin, that heroin is as omnipresent as PMO in today's society. You would ask yourself why all of the people would be doing it, and would see it as pathetic as it's doing drugs.

Now replace heroin with PMO, and PMO with heroin. There you go.

 

I was having the biggest migraine attack ever today. I already felt like shit yesterday, but now I just felt like having a fever (which I didn't and don't have, I checked it).

Took a pill, now some hours later I feel super great.

You think it could be a withdrawal symptom from trying to "suppress" my urges for the last 14 days? I mean, I didn't suppress them, but I always had to answer to them: "Stop fantasizing, you won't get her anyway, PMOing is just self torture, you are causing yourself to feel sexually frustrated".

But now I think I've entered another level. The key is what you prioritize in your life, i.e. what you think about in life all the time. If I prioritize my work, my studies, then I'm fine. Up until now, I was prioritizing "Don't ever dare to think about something sexual as it will lead to sexual frustration", this itself - although keeping me away from sexual frustration and relapse - was exhausting itself, and I kind of think also caused my migraine.

But if I shift my focus towards "greater things in life", these sexual and NoFap related things become so small. Like "yeah yeah yeah, it's pointless to fantasize about her, heeeey, another productivity hack video on YouTube, gonna take some notes it might be useful for later".

You see what I mean? I put too much emotional emphasis on fighting my urges, which is very good in the beginning to start your NoFap journey, but can also get frustrating later because it's exhausting to remind yourself several times a day that PMO will lead to sexual frustration and that it's not the super cool thing you used to think it was.

So right now, at this stage of my journey, after 2 weeks, I think I can go a step further and try to put my focus on greater things.

Maybe this is why so many people who succeed doing NoFap report an increase in productivity, their work, their personal accomplishments, better grades. Because they shift their focus from all those sexual and NoFap related thoughts to bigger more important things?

It's time to treat sexual urges and the thought process related to fighting them as something like small water droplets on your suit, instead of a big blob of Nutella on your white shirt.

 

Had a great day, family came to visit. But that's a trigger for me: My brain unironically wants to convince me that "Because it was a good day, you should put the cherry on the cake and have a big PMO session". Kind of like people crave a cigarette after a meal, sex or whatever.

I try to remind myself that "It's not putting the cherry on the cake, but rather ruining a great day".

Thank God I feel tired after today and will go to sleep as soon as I can.

 

Instead of thinking lustfully about these porn women we've fapped to, we should hope that they will get back on the right path, and that they will realize how much potential they are destroying by being a fap target for men who could become engineers, doctors, scientists, musicians etc. but instead choose to emotionally damage themselves by fapping to them

 

The big monster is the addiction in general, and the little monster are the urges/pangs? I'm actually not familiar with his book in detail, only with the most important principles and the SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION method, which I kind of modified after realizing that it's pointless to fantasize about something you won't get in the first place (I think it was Clasik Obas who said this, a very interesting YouTuber but I don't know if he is still doing YouTube, creator of the "Wise Men Movement")

I think that's definitely true, here, the occasional cigarette would be fantasizing about women, sex, porn scenes maybe? Because fantasizing is basically having your PMO addiction on life support, you're still making you feel frustrated as you can't get a specific woman, or live out porn scenes you've watched etc.

We also should remember that the frustration PMO cycle is not linear, but circular. We are entering a cycle if we allow sexual fantasizing and PMO into our lives. A cycle of everlasting frustration, which can only really end if you either end up with someone who you truly love or if you go full abstinence even in your mind. That's what we need to remember when urges arise.

I'm not sad that you thought of unfollowing this thread, because I must admit that I got somewhat emotional. I just needed somewhere to post it here, and to try to find rational arguments to beat this, and maybe other users input too if they know something which could help me.

That's just kind of showing how big the brainwashing can get, and my ideas how to counter attack this brainwashing. Today for example I had like 3 urges which really gave me a physical feeling of "being horny" for a couple of seconds, it's weird to explain. A thought pops up in my head and I feel like warm water is passing through my veins. That's where it can get dangerous for a lot of people on the NoFap journey.

But I must not forget that giving up right now would put me into the cycle of frustration, it's not a one only thing.

It sounds kind of ironic, but not putting too much emotional emphasis on urges and fighting them is the way to go. Kind of like a cigarette smoker would think "Cigarette right now, so what? I've got better things to think about". See, you're still fighting the urge successfully. It's more like your first reaction to an urge should be indifference, later maybe shortly reminding yourself why you're indifferent to those urges (as they will put you back into the cycle of eternal self-torture by increasing your sexual frustration).

On the other hand, I must really say that I start to feel the actual benefits and superpowers others are experiencing. It feels like having drunk a coffee but you haven't actually. So there is definitely something going on in my brain.

PS: Another useful trick I've found is to think "What would Elon Musk do?", or "What would Sheldon Cooper do?". I know, that's kind of childish, but it works lmao

 

Right now, I'm 16 days clean btw.

Instead of fighting urges, be indifferent towards them. Afterwards you can always remind yourself of why you're indifferent towards them: Relapsing will put you back into the self-torturing cycle of growing sexual frustration.

 

Guys, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Especially @tawwab85 who motivated me to get through that. If you want, unfollow this thread, it's ok as I've failed.

Basically, the reason behind my relapse was that I was missing the feeling of sexual excitement and orgasming/ejaculation. It's as simple as that, if let's say cigarettes would give me the same feelings, I would just smoke a cigarette. Just to make an example here.

Believe me, PMO is just like any other drug, because if you are in the course of relapsing, your mind will get very "high" the hornier you are. You really can't think straight anymore after you pass the point of no return (not ejaculation, but the moment you allow your sexual urges to take over). I could only think of PMO.

Again, I'm sorry. I'm only human, after all. And I hate this fact.

To be honest, this whole "sexual frustration" thing is still true in the long term! I mean, it's logical that if I would keep PMOing right now for a week straight 3 times a day, I will grow more and more frustrated. Everything I've written so far is still legit, but it's still a too weak argument for me to stop relapsing as it's a "long-term" argument. That in the long term, you will grow to be a sexual frustrated guy.

It's 03:23am right now, I try to think what I could write you here guys. But I know that I've disappointed so much of you.

What am I gonna do? Start a new streak. As simple as that. But I need to change some parameters in my approach. It was already very good that it lasted 16 days, as my previous streaks were like 4 day streaks only.

What parameters I could change? I need to do something which will help me in the short term. That I will not miss the high of sexual excitement and orgasming/ejaculating.

Sometimes I wish I could get dementia and actually forget about these feelings.

Still, my main motivation for NoFap is: to keep sexual frustration and objectification of women out of my life (long-term goal), and also to be the rational person I want to be who does not PMO. Because every time I PMO, I am reminded that I'm just a filthy animal. PMOing hence diminishes my "self-worth", as I allow to lower myself to the animalistic level. With the tissues in my hand and my laptop on my belly, I become no better than a masturbating monkey in a zoo.

The wish to experience this sexual high (believe me, it really was a high where I couldn't think straight at all) was just....strong enough I guess. I'm shocked.

Again, sorry for disappointing you all, but "I won't PMO as it will lead to frustration etc." is true but only in the long-term. It's more of a reason why to start NoFap, but the longer you go on NoFap, the more the frustration will disappear, but you will start missing PMO for the sake of the sexual high you'd experiencing. So, ultimately, if you don't know a solution for this, you will relapse.

So what's the solution here? I guess you could remind yourself that PMO (and the sexual high) will just make an animal out of you, just like these masturbating monkeys in the zoo. So in order to have some self-respect, you don't PMO. That could be an approach.

Anyways, my balls are hurting, I feel how the sexual high is gone already. Thanks for all the support during those 16 days, but... I need to find a way to fight the wish to feel that sexual high again with orgasming, because except that it is making me look like a masturbating monkey and hence diminishing my self-worth, I can't find another good argument for not doing it, except that maybe it really impacts your cognitive function for that time and I as someone who wants to be as rational as it can get, it's nothing worth doing.

I mean, PMO is in my case really just a symptom of a much bigger problem: I also am really addicted to junk food (I honestly can't live without it, I went a month without it and it was just as hard as NoFap), I have anger issues (a lot of people and things irritate me), I'm a very anxious and paranoid person ("What if??" is my daily bread). I am just a very very smart monkey and that's it, and what I crave to be (or always craved to be) was to be like Spock or Sheldon Cooper (pre-Amy), someone who is "high on being rational" all the time. So it's also kind of hard (for me!!!) to give up PMO, if you don't give up or try to change your other animalistic behaviors.

The reason why I always wanted to become such kind of a (pre-Amy) Sheldon Cooper was because I've always been interested in science. In fact, I am studying a science subject at university right now. I always loved what is rational, because it is clear and beautiful. So for ages I've been having this cognitive dissonance: I behave like an animal sometimes vs. I love everything what's rational and related to science. And by giving in into my animalistic behaviors, I always questioned my self a lot, "How can I be such a dumb monkey, whilst also interested in how the universe has begun?".

So there are two solutions: I either give up my love for everything rational and become a local redneck, or I give up my animalistic behavior (PMO, anger issues, junk food addiction, anxiety) and become Sheldon Cooper 2.0.

I think that's the only thing I could do right now, to approach PMO as a symptom of a larger problem here.

If anyone read the whole thing, thanks for reading, please leave your thoughts here. Again, very sorry for the relapse, but the relapse has shown me where the problem lies, and that my former approach was correct, but only rather as a motivation to start doing NoFap in the first place and to continue to do NoFap after a relapse (because as I said, if I will PMO for the next days right now, I will 100% feel frustrated and objectify my female friends again)

 

It is and will always be the decision of our rational minds to relapse. Our logical minds are responsible for everything we do, for every minute of our lives. This again means that we have the power to decide what to do at any minute. Self-discipline is in fact freedom, because only then you can do what you want at every minute of your life, no matter how many emotions are present.

The first step is to take responsibility for the relapse. It was not my animalistic mind, it was my logical mind which made the decision to relapse. My rational mind said "Ok" to my animalistic mind.

 

Sorry I've forgot about you. I mean, I didn't forget about you as I've actually mentioned your advice here (that we also don't look at heroin forums, that we are not triggered when someone does heroin etc.). But yeah, I'm sorry, because your advice was a kind of an eye opener then.

"What exactly do you seek from this?" I simply want to stop PMOing as it's degrading yourself to an animalistic level and ultimately in the long term it will lead to sexual frustration and objectification of women (my other threads about cross dressing are proof enough why PMOing will make you a miserable POS).

"Where do you see yourself in 6 years?" Ideally I'm gonna pursue my PhD in the science subject I'm studying and will become a researcher or scientist. So PMOing is really nothing what's been expected from a scientist - a rational person - to do.

"Do you really want to not fantasize sexually at all? Ever again?" I mean, logically there is no point to fantasizing as you are just torturing yourself about something you will never get in the end. Also, if you fantasize to porn you are fantasizing about pixels, and if you fantasize about real women you are fantasizing about living meat sacks. I don't want to fantasize as it's dehuminizing the people I'm fantasizing about, making them an object of my sexual gratification. So not only would I lower myself to an animalistic level, I would also make a jerk out of me. If my female friends would know that I'm sexually fantasizing about them, they would start crying, that's a fact.

So no, I don't want to fantasize ever again.

 

Boy, where should I start?

Maybe about your David Goggins example: You understood me here completely wrong. What I meant was that let's say I see a sexy woman on the street, it makes no point fantasizing about her as I won't get her anyway. What I mean is that I will never ever get to sleep with her, so why torturing yourself about her, why obsessing about her? So you just completely misunderstood what I wanted to say here, but I can see how that could be misunderstood

About fetishes: Mine are not porn induced as I've got them even before starting to masturbate.

About the animalistic level point: You say animals experience romance and that we humans do too. I can comfortably say that I am an aromantic person, I was in love like crazy with some girls but I just came to the realization that it's just mentally exhausting to be in love with someone every 6 months, so I gave it up for the sake of my inner peace. I haven't been in love for like 6 or 7 years already and let me tell you, it's freaking great! So it is definitely possible to say goodbye to your animalistic desires, you just have to internalize that it's just too exhausting to indulge in them, and that your inner peace is something worth more.

Lead to frustration point: I've not been watching any porn for 2 months once, but still MOed like once or twice a week. It still made my sexual frustration grow, because I haven't been watching porn while MOing. See, it's like that (for me at least!):

I fantasize and I'm frustrated that I don't MO to these fantasies
I MO to these fantasies but Im frustrated that I don't watch porn involving these fantasies
I watch porn but I know there is more extreme porn
I watch more extreme porn but damn, it would be nice to live it out in real life
I live it out in real life but damn, Id like to live it out at least once a week
I live it out at least once a week, but damn, it would be nice if it were a person I love and not a prostitute/dominatrix

You see what I mean? I already tried MO only (so-called NoFap easy mode I believe), my sexual frustration was still growing and growing.

Objectifies women point: No, again, I was still objectifying women while only MOing for 2 months, I was still thinking about them as fuckmeat. As long as I fantasize about them being fuckmeat in my head, they will be fuckmeat for me. I would have to MO only to sensation, which is bullshit as fantasy will always come up sooner or later.

So, tl;dr: For 2 months, I already tried to abstain only from porn and allow myself to MO like once or twice a week. It changed nothing. I still objectified women, my sexual frustration was still growing.

 

Because I get "hungry for more". I will never be satisfied with anything sexually. I fantasize about something, but after a while, I start to think "Why fantasizing if I could watch it in action in the form of a porn clip?", and if I'd be denying it myself for some reason, I get frustrated.

It's like giving a smoker to smoke only "light" cigarettes (the ones with very low nicotine), he will grow frustrated too because "he wants the real deal" (normal cigarettes). And after a while smoking normal cigarettes, he wants more (stronger cigarettes).

There's absolutely no contradiction, as I said, I only relied on fantasies for 2 months, and I was really frustrated that I didn't allow myself to watch porn.

Yes, my fantasies are not porn related, because I usually don't go back and think about the porn scenes I've watched, I usually create my own scenarios with people I knew and know in my head, and rather use porn to see "a similar scenario what I've imagined" in "real life", in "real action" (although I have found myself a lot of times being left disappointed that I didn't found what I wanted to find browsing several porn websites for hours).

I hope it's clearer here.