Day 24

After reading some of threads I think I would like to create one as well.

Hello guys.

I’m 24 right now, always been struggling with PMO since maybe 14? Cannot clearly remember. But it’s a long time.

I’ve always been relapsing into PMO after 2-4 days, sometimes even everyday. In 2019 I tried to do NNN, finishing at 21 days (I think..) but still watching porn during it. In 2020 - five days. In 2021 - two days. I wasn’t able to stop it.

2019 was a year that I’ve changed my life significantly. I’ve lost nearly 30kg, had huge goals, therapy helped me a lot to achieve it. I finished therapy day before my birthday and continued to grow.

Till covid happened. 2020 was a downfall, 2021 nearly same. 2022 - would be too. But I’ve decied to fight it back, after the time that I lost during those years.

Took me some time, lots of energy and effort. The longest time I abstained was 8 days and then felt down to rabbit hole. I think it was 3rd of August? (beginning anyways) one of my best friends, someone who I felt in love with, told me about relationship with someone she has, we knew each other for around year, never saw each other because we were living far from each other in different countries. But I just couldn’t control my emotions. Maybe I was stupid and naive, but it is what it is, and it happened.

This broke me.

After my last PMO I had this in my head, the thought just appeared. I couldn’t live with it, it hurt. It was 8th of August, and I asked Siri, what is the day in 90 days?

Answer - 6th of November. Day before my birthday. I knew that this is the moment.

That it would drive me and put on right tracks, it made me angry, and wanting to put my life back together.
I started immediately - 9th of August - day one. Currently that I’m writing it, it’s 2nd of September - 24 days without PMO. Longest time that I’ve abstained from it in my life so far. I’ve never been so driven to do that. I had one crisis, at day 13 I think. But recovered from it pretty quick, just decided to go out, and focus on something different.

I’m just so happy right now, that I’m doing it. Some part of my confidence came back to me. I’ve quit my work yesterday, and starting something completely new for me tomorrow. I’m ready at anything that life throws at me now. That is my energy.

And it’s scary, because I also feel that it’s just a beginning.

For now I said to that friend that I need space. I’m getting it and it benefits me. These first 90 days is possible. Everything beyond 90 days - is possible. I was a loser for enough of time. I didn’t wanted to be that b**** for rest of my life. Now it is time to fight back what it took from me.

Nobody knows about my PMO problem, for now. I want to tell my BFF about it soon.

If someone would like to know what did I changed, implemented, reimplemented, threw to trashcan and etc. let me know in this thread. I’ll happily answer all questions and read the tips. Sorry about my english as well guys, it’s not my mother tounge.

Thanks.

 

Today is day 30. Feeling lonely af. But strong.
Started new job recently, working a lot in a week; keeping myself busy.

Thank you brother.

Cold shower every day. Just go and do it, coldest you can get and jump into it.
Gym as much as you can too, I have gym routine that includes: 5x25 crutches, 5x10-12 push-ups and 2-3mins of plank for a warmup.
Then a normal workout. I started to ride a bike to my gym as well instead of car, helps me with cardio.
And find yourself a diet that works for you. For myself it is keto, but if I feel like eating something different, then I allow myself to do that.
Therapy helps a lot (not mentioned to my counsellor about PMO addiction yet tho), and something that you feel that you grow in it. For myself it is learning other language (Portuguese in my case), so I found language school and learn it in group.
Fasting helps me as well with clarity. Usually something around 18-24h, but do a research before starting it, I'm not a medical, just experimenting with what can help. Elimination diet also helped me, got to know that I'm allergic to gluten by it.

For now I guess that's all. If I will remember anything else I will post a new reply here.