The Lord of the Rings Challenge

No problem, we are here to support each others! it's good to see your posts again

 

23 days
Medium urges yestarday, suffered a little bit of blue balls, but manage them focusing in my work tasks.
Worked out and took a cold shower.
Keep strong my brothers.

 

Day 15, trod on!

 

I'm in! Day 1 today, starting as Hobbit.

 

day 4 - Im proud of me - keep going evryone
Greets !

 

Day 9 & 10

Yesterday i was tired and slept at once after workout,bath eating and sleep.

Going steady but been very busy at Work.

 

You are the white sheep. It's not your fault. You got this, brother.
One thing I learned from NoFap is that it takes unlimited self-forgiveness and patience with yourself. You are loved and valued, even if your family and cousin disappoint you. You are on the right path, and you can do it.
Way to go. Again, you got this. Proud of you. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Thank you very much for the kind words and encouragmenr my good brother. That journalling helped me heal a lot. I feel like I am a month sober today even though I fell last night. I am makingeye contact. My senses are alive and vivid. I think my emotionally abusive family lost control over me last night. That's what the abuse was. The easy way to control someone is to make then feel like they aren't worth anything. Little Anewday2019 let me know he was finally happy today. I love that little fella.

I talked and listened to little Anewday in my journalling last night. He told me his hurts and why and I built him up. I guess he trusts me now. I have proven to him that I am more capable of looking after him than my family. I promise to be kind to him. Me and my little buddy got this.

 

Day 5 complete!

I got really close to peeking today; I typed something into the search bar, knowing that my blocker has been on the fritz lately and that it would likely appear if I searched for it, but I did not look at anything. It's like God gave me a quick window into the future: I knew in that moment that by looking at porn I would not find anything which would give me the fulfillment I was seeking, but rather than only evil and disgust awaited me if I continued down that path. It was apathy of sorts, but a good kind. It made me think something like, "Eh, porn. So what? I don't want to look at porn. Porn isn't attractive to me." It was awesome!

@Ready to Stop If I were you, I would start to identify as a recovered addict! You're not someone who uses PMO. You don't need PMO and you won't go back to it.

St. Joan of Arc, pray for us!

 

Day 16

Working on my social skills now. What I learned about neuroplasticity during the reboot will help me there. I've been volunteering at a place in town I used to go to regularly again to force myself to have to interact with more people on a continuous basis. Sorta cute girl there that seems receptive. I had the thought to look at porn of girls that look kinda like her briefly, but it wasn't too powerful an urge. I'm on the right track. So far this has been a really good streak.

 

If you aren't recovered then I don't know who is. I would still abstain though or you will probably end up right back where you started.

 

check in

Good question, both have their pros and cons. For me it helps when I remind myself that I'm an addict to break my ego and tackle my narcissism. Because my arrogance is often a cause for a relapse and pride often hinders me to quickly stand up and struggle again after a streak.

 

Check in day 13

 

Day 18

Well I gotten a good amount of hours of sleep finally. But I am feeling the previous days is affecting me a bit with the lack of sleep. I hope I can get back into normal hours of sleep soon.

Frustrations & a bit angry on something including about this journey. Frustration & anger is working on me to have no urge to relapse. So I will take that.

I need to read up about stuff in here in the forums and more of a sort.

Here is a weird thought, if I complete this Semen retention/NoFap/no PMO journey of mine then I think I might become asexual...does that sounds crazy?

I might become more spiritual the more longer I go. Or maybe it is just flatline for now? I don't know. I am still going for the ranks though.

Urges, from zero to mild. Nothing much going on.
Maybe more I might share more of my thoughts or not. Let's go fellowship brothers.

Keep on going Fellowship!

 

Oh I totally agree. I wasn’t suggesting that looking at porn or M would be a good idea at all. That stuff does us no good weather we are addicts or not.

 

I have a cousin like that and it drives me crazy! So sorry to hear you were treated poorly by your family but it sounds like you are on the right path now. I totally understand wanting to PMO after the rejection of your cousin but the only thing I would suggest is to remind yourself that PMO will only make you feel better for the 5, 10, whatever minutes you are doing it. After that you will instantly feel worse so there really is no point in doing it at all. Why do an activity that you know will actually make you feel worse? I know it’s easier said than done but that helps me when I’m feeling down and wanting an escape.

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

73 Days Free of PMO.

Sleep was disturbed, woke up around 3 am. I'll try to take a short nap later today. I do have certain things I want to do today such meditation, reading and a bit of study. Might even go for a short walk. Definitely feeling the lack of sleep.

Stay Strong!

 

Second check in today.
This night and tomorrow night I'll be home alone for several hours. I thought I could make it, I feel highly motivated and I'm planning to follow my emergency protocol.
But now at work I accidently checked my browsing history on my laptop and realized that I didn't use the incognito mode when relapsing recently.
Now I'm not only worring that my coworkers or my girlfriend found out, I also got massively triggered by reading the website's names. And the former is causing me so much stress right now. My porn fetishes are very embarrassing and disgusting. I feel terrible right now

 

Ease your mind my friend, focus on the things you currently have control over. Start by clearing your browser history. Whether they did or not can't be changed. Try not to think that over because it won't change a thing. Just come up with a solid excuse if ever its brought up. I doubt your coworkers will say anything, more so maybe your girlfriend will bring it up. Maybe this can be an open discussion about porn addiction (if you haven't already).

 

Day 413 & 414

Quitting no sugar. I want to control myself. Not to all or nothing this.