Flatline after having sex in 200days

Likely started having sex too soon. In other words your body is not ready yet. In someways having sex is good but as it rewires the mind to real physical sensation. However it sounds like your body isn’t ready yet.

 

You don't need to feel shame about your "sexual performance", because sex should not be a performance. Our culture found out that sex sells, even more when you get people hooked on porn, and encourage a pornified culture.

That's not real life, that's not healthy sexuality, and if you don't fit that mold, then do not feel ashamed for not meeting some business man's script for how you should think about sexuality.

It is ok to take your time. Be honest with your girl. Reassure her that you like/love her, that you find her beautiful and attractive both in her form and in who she is. Tell her what you are going through and that your body might be still readjusting after coming off of what is essentially a drug. Just spend time with her, and be ok with having a sexual experience that doesn't include a super hard erection, possibly no errection. Be ok with being sexual without having sex.

It will all work as it is supposed to eventually, but shame, guilt, and anxiety over not "performing" like an actor will only add time to until then.

It so admirable that you've made it to 200 days. Great job man. You're certainly an inspiration to me, and I am sure you've helped many others just by getting it this far. I wish you well in your new path in life.

 

@mentorr,

sir, i'm about to face similar situation.

- how do we know, if we are fully recovered or not.
- how do we know, when its the right time to have real physical relation.

 

I don't think it is too soon he should start having sex to rewire to real life people,he just has to try again and again until it works

 

Maybe you could try just making out with her without rounding all the bases? Just a thought.

 

In terms of knowing you are fully recovered, your body will tell you. It is an unmistakable feeling - but you have to take it SLOW.

Please, please, please do not jump into the deep end and start attempting sex without reviewing your recovery closely. While having sex in this way has worked for some, it won’t work for all.

I say this from experience. At 6 months of my first reboot, I woke up feeling amazing. Solid morning wood, confidence through the roof, mental capacity sharp as a knife, I was high on life and believed unmistakably that I was back to normal.

That very night a girl at work asked me out for drinks and in short we ended up hooking up. Feeling fully healed i threw caution to the wind. The only issue - I was so sensitive that we didn’t even get round to having sex. I pretty much blew my load after simply kissing. Afterwards I dropped into a DEEP flatline that lasted approx. 7 months.

What I’m saying is take your time and slowly reintroduce intimacy. I fell into the same trap of being goaded into the sentiment of “just having sex” and it cost me somewhat because my body was not ready.

For some of you, you will hit a no-mans land. It’s where you don’t feel like s**t but you also do not feel fully recovered. Something is still missing for you. The question I would ask yourself in terms of whether to rewire would be:

1. am I getting regular morning wood?
2. do I have genuine libido?
3. am I dreaming regularly at night? (bonus)

Unfortunately recovery is an awkward minefield and the mine placement will be different for everyone.

 

I completely agree with you @mentorr but at the same time this seems a little at odds with what we've "debated" recently. I can understand your thought process though when you're as far into recovery as you are, maybe I would even change my tune if I were in your position.

I did semi-reboot when I first started nofap and can confirm that it started with #1, followed by #3 and then finally #2. I would say the dreams are a very important marker. They got to the point for me at least where they were unbelievably vivid, to the point that I'd wake up feeling like there's no way that didn't just happen. Unfortunately most of them were highly sexual in nature and that led to my downfall.

By the way, I still remember it pretty clearly. My libido was firing on all cylinders for the best part of a week but just looking at something sexual online made it die, I could literally feel it leaving my body. I still went ahead and PMO'd like a twat though.

 

Hey @OhWhenThe

I’ll be the first to say that I still consider your point around not being required to rewire to heal, and in truth it could be viable. But it depends how you look at my experience of feeling healed after 6 months. On one hand I felt back to normal, but then if I was back to normal, why did the O send back into flatline.

The point I am making is to take things slow regardless of whether you think you’re better or not.

I also second your point on dreams. I had some pretty wild vivid dreams at the peak of recovery, dreams are definitely a positive indicator.

The truth is I can’t be certain exactly how recovery should go for everybody, but surely between us we can work some of it out?

 

I think where we differ is that you see things from more of a holistic or spiritual sense than I do. Myself on the other hand see it as simple over-stimulation of the brain and recovery occurs when the brain levels out and returns back to baseline. In your case, at six months I don't believe you were recovered but you were definitely recovering, there was likely still another big flatline(or two) left to go through until what I guess you could call full recovery. Each subsequent flatline should typically be shorter than the previous one and not as deep. Despite all the positive signs, you were still in a fragile state at that point and the O blew your brain to smithereens and set you way back. Please don't read that as me being judgmental or critical, every other guy on the planet would have done exactly the same thing given how little knowledge we have when it comes to recovering from this.

I only really believe in the rewiring concept for guys who are fundamentally fine but have just conditioned their arousal pathways to screens rather than people. This could also apply to the harder cases but it's just another layer and is something you do once healed, I don't see it as a healer in itself.

 

I sat down recently and mapped out my recovery over the past 3+ years, and the bare bones are exactly what you said here. I think after being on NoFap for so long you reach a point where you have no idea what is (and isn't working), in other words you become doubtful and cannot see the grass from the trees. Weeks after going into a major flatline, COVID hit and the world went into lockdown. I don't think it would be unreasonable to say a drastic change in lifestyle could have triggered my own holistic maybe spiritual experiences.

At this point in time I haven't been able to perfectly link the holistic experiences I have undergone to my own reboot. The logical answer could be that the two are actually linked. However again, I cannot prove the link between the two, so until I can it makes sense to go with the logical explanation which is that I still need to desensitise myself to screens and/or rewire. No judgement at all, I am thankful for your post and as said before - my main focus is recovering fully and leaving a positive trail for those that will come after us. With that being said, I have no issue holding my hands up and admitting my theory might have been incorrect or flat out wrong.

There are a tonne load of doctors and authors who swear by the link between holistic symptoms and PMO withdrawal, but again there is no way to be certain. But what has worked thus far is a strict reboot, away from PMO.

 

I cannot give an exact date unfortunately, but you can sometimes gain an idea if you look at how often you PMO'd and for how long.

A rule of thumb that some people use is taking the number of years you PMO'd and times it by 2. The number you get is in months.

Example

10 (Years PMO) x 2 = 20 months recovery

 

I m watching porn from past 7 years.
PIED from past 2-3 years.

NoFap, from past 30 days.

I dont have a GF. Can I try having sex with a known escort once a month ?

 

I would avoid any stimulation/sex for at least 120 days first and then see how you feel.

 

Thank you. 120 Days. noted.

I'm 28 now, about to get married in 1-2 years.

Dont want my PIED to ruin my life. any other tips is appreciated.

can i dm you ?

 

Yeah sure thing

 

No wonder some of you people never recover, since you can't even go a few months without masturbating or sex.

I'm almost 1 year no PMO and still suffering heavily from PAWS.

Recovery is very slow even without relapses, so imagine if you keep playing around.

Just today I had the strongest morning wood in the whole recovery(never had any of it the last years of addiction, it was dead) but my mental PAWS are still torturing me.

This addiction is very hard and long to quit so if you can't stop PMO for 1-3 years you may as well quit right now and save yourselves a life of suffering and get the slow death instead.