I used to be great at the no-looking thing. I would tell myself "looking doesn't get you any sex. Why look?" But I struggle with it so hard now. I think it's because of the Covid isolation. Drove those images in my brain so hard that it's hard to ignore it now. https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/for...ousal-method-celibacy-of-body-and-mind.14525/
There is the app Jigsaw which covers a member's face with a jigsaw and it is only removed once you start talking to the member. As for me, I've used some dating apps casually but never tried to seriously meet anyone. Really I'm not even trying to date since I've gone back to school and so much of my life is focused on studying. I can only imagine I'd date someone while studying if I meet someone by accident and they don't need me to show them attention all the time. I believe I'll meet the right person for me when the time is right but that's not now. And even if I don't that's ok because I wouldn't be the only one to die single. Two things I've learnt recently are that the world doesn't owe me anything and the world doesn't revolve around me so I might end up on my own and that ok. One thing I'm interested in is history and history tells me that there are many people who've had worse lives than me.
Well that's true. I have also studied history but it's always hard to think about someone that has less because everyone have their own problems and for them they are the biggest problems. Good if you can but for many people including myself I struggle with that point of view.
I am now 42 days in and I must admit I am suffering a lot at the moment. Think it has to do with the darkness, cold and not having any connection to another human being. I might have soon though I hope but right now I am really just fighting to stay away from P and PMO. Winter is the worst for me I guess. What do you guys think and at what point in days were the worst period for you? The first 5 yes but then?
i have never made it that far, but i think the external factors, like you mentioned, are what really make a reboot easy or difficult. having lots of social interaction, outside activities, warm weather, & other things that fill up a schedule would make it easier no matter which week in the reboot it is. being alone and having nothing to do but be idle indoors would make it more challenging
Have you tried Hinge @Bloodstream? I feel it's got a better vibe than Tinder.. that's how I met my ex, but as is with dating apps it's a numbers game. Sorry to hear you're suffering a bit atm, I'm also having a bit of a difficult time after resetting a 60 day streak.. the worst part for me is the first couple of days, I feel like it just gets better the further I go although urges can be tricky to deal within the first 20 or 30 days. Are you currently on the dating app? I'm holding off until I reach at least a month & improve my lifestyle / workout routine. In terms of human connections, have you thought about joining a club of interest?
Actually I got it a few weeks ago, met someone that turned out to be utter shit just playing with my heart. Now I am not so sure, I feel like I am very unwanted overall. Well I have thought about it but I am not sure what kind of club that would be? I get a lot of social contact at work but it's different of course. Was hoping to have someone to date now in december but that died suddenly.
Lovely thread. To answer you question about what time it's the hardest for me to abstain: I feel like it's not truly about time. Time can bring struggles with it, just like the first five days you mentioned but there is also a lot of other influences of the outside (or inside) world. For me the hardest to abstain moments (besides from lack of sleep) arise with those feelings of loneliness you mentioned. I guess we have been medicating those feelings for so long that we need time to learn how to deal with them now. Also all this medication since young years did things to us that made these feelings get stronger hidden beneath it. I just went through a few months that seem pretty similar to what you describe. Lot's of thoughts about myself and women in a way just like you. Now I'm finally getting out of it again, or actually I am already most of the time. For me all the self doubt arises when I spend too much time in my head. Winter. Coldness. Isolation. I questioned everything, my whole way of living up to a point where I couldn't think clearly anymore about reality and what I want from it. Thankfully I realized again that I just have to be here. I'm myself, my awareness. And I'm in contact with the outside world. Everything arises out of this if I just watch and follow. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be authentic. (I hope you understand what I want to say, these topics are still not the easiest for me to describe in english.) And with this all my thoughts about women immediately lost their weight. And in the same moment I was clear again about how those things happen best if you don't worry but go with the flow. Worrying takes up soo much space and time and energy. I don't see any reason to do it (sure, I'm not perfect, I still do it, but theoretically speaking I don't want to). It's like self-punishment. On the other hand when being free of that and spending my time with the things my innermost draws me to, I open up to the world and the world opens up to me. I would love to recommend you a book I'm reading right now that helped me so much to understand my confusion and how to get out if it this time, but sadly I think it's only in german :/
Hi, thank you for the great post. I do feel and understand what you mean, I am tired a lot and it also affects me a lot and draws me towards PMO. But for now I managed to stay away for almost 50 days, going for 100 next. Worrying, well it's a waste of time for sure but I can not control it. I have tried so many times but with no success. It's like trying to stop anxiety or panic attacs, sure it's doable and you can work with it but it's very hard work that might take years or not ever get solved. I do read a bit german so you can recommend it anyway, thanks!
Glad you enjoyed it! The book is called "Gras unter meinen Füssen" and the author is "Bruno-Paul de Roeck". I have to say I do think we can control how much me worry. But probably we first have to understand the underlying mechanisms. Either way we sure can get aware of our actions and then change them every single time. In the end all those things are like addictions and with time we can heal. Congrats on your streak! Looking forward to hearing more about how your inner life will evolve going to the first 100 days.
Well I agree that we can affect it. But in my case I can lie down in bed not worrying about anything, thinking about something nice, and then have anxiety an entire night. And then it's pretty hard to control it only with thoughts. I do try to meditate or do some kind of relaxation excercise each day and try to be mindfull, also I now stay away from porn as you know. The easy thing is if you know the reason for the anxiety, the hard thing is if you don't. I might look the book up, however my german is not that great so if it's a more complex book I might not get all.
