Can you predict your next urge? (Poll inside)

For bonus points, share below what your plan is for the next time you feel that urge.

For even more bonus points, come back after you actually felt that next urge and report whether your plan was effective, and if you are going to stick with that plan or adjust it for next time.

 

The next time I feel the urge to watch porn, or to view other stimulating images, I will:

Pause, and take an intentional breath.
Acknowledge and name the feeling ("Hm, I am feeling the strong urge to watch porn right now.").
Timer - Set a timer for 10 minutes. Will simply let the feeling be there, with compassion, rather than condemnation.
High five myself by recording the win. I use a glass jar and put a marble in each time I go through these four steps.

 

Nice Cyanea, sounds like a great strategy to help with morning urges!

 

Hellomynameisrob, that's great, I've found moving to positive behaviors very helpful as well!

Meditation has been big for me too. Tuning in, and checking in with what's going on internally, with compassion and acceptance, that's been a game-changer.

I'd encourage you to post a reply after you feel that urge next and let us know whether this strategy worked!

 

Sean Edie, thanks for sharing! Sounds like going for walks is your main go-to when you feel the urge? Has that strategy worked for you, more often than not?

For the evenings, just curious, is there something you can work on that is enjoyable and life-giving? Like a project, a goal, reading an enjoyable book, writing, doing a workout, building something, getting on FaceTime with a friend or family member?

Again, thanks for sharing. I admire you for being on this forum and for doing the work to pursue freedom!

 

I_always_try_again, thanks for sharing. I love that idea of writing a goodbye letter! I had a sex addiction counselor tell me once that giving up porn is like saying goodbye to a friend, and that it actually involves a sort of grieving process.

Anything specific that you put in the letter that you found helpful?

 

Sorry to hear man. Get right back up and prepare for the next urge! Use this relapse to learn and get better.

Here's a question for you: What would have to happen for you to be in that same situation again (to feel the strong urge when you wake up) but not give into it? What would that look like for you? Would it be a morning meditation or routine immediately after your eyes first open? Would it be doing some mental preparation when you go to bed the night before?

Visualize yourself being in that same situation, but not giving in to the urge? What would have to be different for you?

 

Hey man, thanks for sharing. No shame. Be curious about what happened, and compassionate on yourself ("I couldn't sleep, and I felt the urge to watch porn and gave into it. And that makes sense because...")

And then, use this instance to learn and prepare for the next time it happens. It sounds like this is a situation that has happened before, and will likely happen again? Meaning, you will probably be in that situation again when you can't sleep, and you feel that strong urge to watch porn (this struggle does tend to be fairly predictable, at least it was for me).

Take a minute or two, and think and visualize this: what would have to happen for you to be in that same situation, feel the intense craving, and not give into it? What would that look like for you in reality?

Plan for the next instance. Have a plan for the next time. And if you try it a few times and it doesn't work or resonate, get a different plan and try that one.