Want to think about something really cool? Imagine yourself one year from now, living in complete freedom from porn. It feels amazing. It's like walking unhindered after carrying an enormous, constant weight on your back. The shame, the guilt, the fear; all gone. The future suddenly feels wide open to you. The possibilities seem endless. Now, consider this: To live in complete freedom a year from now, what would that look like? What would have to happen? Living as a free man, do the urges to view porn magically stop? Does living in freedom mean you will never again feel the desire to watch porn? No. I can tell you from my own experience after living in freedom for 2 1/2 years, while the urges do decrease in frequency and intensity, the urges to watch porn will continue to surface. So, think about it. You are living in complete freedom a year from now. But the urges haven't stopped. They probably never will. If living in freedom doesn't mean you stop feeling the urge to watch porn, what is freedom then? Here is what I've found freedom to mean: Freedom is knowing how to effectively handle and process the urges when they come. Picture yourself again in one year. From now until then, how many times will you feel the impulse to watch porn? Dozens of times? Hundreds? Thousands? The difference between you struggling with porn a year from now and you living in exhilarating freedom is not whether you will HAVE those urges. The difference is how you handle them. So again, want to think about something cool? Imagine yourself one year from now, living in complete freedom from porn. You still experience urges to watch porn. And, when the urges come, you're not concerned. You know exactly how to handle it. You have a clear plan that works. And because you've practiced it multiple times, you've developed the skill to "process" the urge. And as time goes on, you get better and better at it. The more urges you "process," the more you develop that skill (just like any skill!). For myself, I've used a clear, simple four-step plan whenever I feel the urge to watch porn that I've posted about (P.A.T.H.: Pause, Acknowledge, Timer, High Five). But what about you? What plan do you currently have in place for how to effectively handle your next urge? Has it been giving you a winning track record? Also, what has your experience with freedom been? Have you experienced what you would consider freedom? And if so, what is your experience like?
Very insightful post and a motivating one. The vision for that kind of future is a very soothing one to say the least. I'm assuming the questions you ask at the end are rhetorical ones? Ha. I would love for my future to be such that I'm in control of my urges and not the other way around. I believe that biologically we are designed to feel urges and be excited when an opportunity to be intimate arrives. So that to the side, the issue of addicts like myself is currently we are being hold hostage against our will... challenged by our own selves!? If that makes sense. Confusing? Yes. Having said all that, I'm looking forward to seeing how this journey unfolds. Once again, I appreciate your post.
M_H, appreciate your thoughts, thanks for sharing! Great point, and I absolutely agree that we are designed to feel urges and excitement. Sexual desire is a core emotion, like sadness or anger. It's absolutely natural! The challenge comes when, like you said, that urge starts to hold us hostage, causing hurt to ourselves and loved ones. It becomes the boss, even though the reality is that it has no authority over us at all, and can't actually make us do anything! So the crux of the matter, the frontline, I believe, all comes down to learning how to handle that urge in an effective way. Being able to not do the action that the urge screams at us to do, and learning how to be okay with that intense feeling being there (without giving into it). So actually those weren't rhetorical questions at the end! I'm genuinely curious about what plans people have in place for the next urge. We know the urge is going to hit us, and we can probably even predict when it will happen! So, for you, and others reading this, what is your plan for when you feel the next urge?
Very inspiring and truthful post. It's like the saying... "don't pray for an easy life, without problems and difficulties, but expect to have a hard one, but having the power to get over it". It seems for me that this is also the case. I am only "free" for 4 days, it's not so much, but it's a good start and I can realise that the urges will never stop, because we are humans, but we become better in the process of handling them. I would also like to add that in time we could begin to have urges for real and intimate sex with a real living person, which is both natural and awesome.
Is there a way I can favorite this thread without just bookmarking the page? I find this incredibly useful and motivational especially when applied to my goal of PMO long term.
I have been implementing a specific plan since I committed myself to my recovery. A simple but very effective plan. When I feel an urge or I sense that desire within heating up all I will do is acknowledge its existence. Then I'll wait. While waiting I will counter those thoughts/urges by constantly reminding myself how I would feel a second after doing the deed. I know that feeling all to well only this time I won't make a fool of myself. I've been guilty of that a million times. During that waiting period, I can either get up and have a walk around, work on a breathing technic, maybe have a cardio or strength session. In my case the majority of my previous relapses have occured while I'm in bed alone, so for me I will sleep it off. The point being that the urges will not remain for long. Yes they will return... many times. However, I feel better knowing that it takes patience and commitment. I feel good about my recovery this time. I hope that answers your question.
NebulaDeist, I'm not sure if there is a way to favorite this thread. If anyone sees this and knows of a way to do so, please let us know. I'm glad this is helpful for you. Keep going on your freedom journey!
Still using your technique and I haven't watched Porn in 12 days. No MO for 4 days. I haven't quit MO for more then 3 days in the past 5 months so I'm pretty proud of myself. It sounds silly to not get so far without MO but it's the truth. I'm glad I stumbled across your post. It definitely works. All my motivation is there, but I could never fight off the urge. Now I know that I don't have to.
Jacky198, awesome, way to go! It's definitely not silly. Progress is progress and should absolutely be celebrated and high-fived! Keep going! And if you want to take it a step further, I just launched a new challenge utilizing this technique over a period of 30 days. Check it out if you think it might be helpful. But either way, awesome progress! Keep taking the next step! https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/the-30-day-p-a-t-h-plan-challenge-learn-the-skill-of-processing-the-urge.341340/
