It's been a long time since I last posted here. I suffered from decades of porn addiction (15 years), alcohol addiction (4 years) and depression (since youth - still ongoing, but regurlarly seeing a therapist and psychiatrist now). Basically I wasted my entire youth on porn and all its ugly consequences. I know all the sufferings of porn addiction in and out of it itself. I successfully overcame porn addiction and alcohol addiction now. It took me hundreds of attempts and relapses to get where I am now. I stood at the brink of suicide multiple times, luckily never acted on it. I still and will probably always deal with depression and suicidal thoughts, but with the proper meds and therapy I can handle it. I'm employed since a couple months and live in my own apartment. I earn my own money. I can finally get by financially on my own and not depend on the state or my family. Now that I eliminated porn and alcohol, the main obstacles that accompanied my life for many, many years, are finally gone. What is left now is the social isolation and loneliness. This still hasn't changed at all. I spend most of my time working like a drone. I work. I sleep (with the help of my prescription drugs Mirtazapine and sometimes, carefully Alprazolam). I work. I come home again to an empty, lonely flat. Repeat. This drug mirtazapine works wonders on insomnia and depression, but the side effects are also severe. It flattens your entire emotions. You become numb. Your reaction time decreases. This is the price you pay for 8 hours of sleep and a non-depressive state. I hardly have friends at work. Most of my collegues are unfriendly/ignoring towards me, I have no idea why. My boss and company is basically hostile from the beginning. Toxic corporate culture. I'm only there for the money and time structure it enforces on me. I feel like in one of those movies. I eliminated my main problems with alcohol and porn, but I'm a corporate slave now. Fight Club would be the prime example where Edward Norton just finally snaps in his corporate job and becomes insane. I work and go home. I live in a large town, but only have 1-2 friends plus my family. I wonder what I can do to improve my current poor social state? I need more social interaction. I already go to the gym regularly. Physically, I don't look bad. I'm slim and relatively stacked. I tried going to meetings (meetup.com, tinder, sports communities), but it always ended up with disappointments. My final goal is to get a girlfriend and finally have sex again after 8 years of incel lifestyle. But first I know I have to make more friends and increase my social interactions. But how? Anybody has any ideas what I could do exactly? Anybody was/is in a similar situation? I was sick of my previous incel lifestlye, but now am still sick of of my current lifestyle (job, own flat and money, but no sex and hardly social interactions). I have to change something socially or I'll risk a major relapse (both alcohol and porn wise). This social isolation is driving me insane soon. What did you do to improve your situation? I'm thankful for every advice.
Great to see you fixed up your life man, that's really inspiring! I'm just a kid so I get lots of socialization at school, but for a social solution for any age, church has been a great community for me. I've found people I can deeply trust and know, and friends who care for me. And I get to see them consistently every Sunday, often times more! Since I've gone to college, I've been able to quickly find close friends through church. Christians around the world are a big family. You can also find mentors at church. Men who live Godly lives and will gladly answer your questions and help you out. So I suggest you check one out. Many churches have adult groups, and just adults/younger adults in general to find community. Even if you don't believe in God, even if you hate God, they will be very glad to have you. If you choose to go, I advise you avoid churches with rainbow flags. Churches against LGBTQ will gladly welcome you regardless of your beliefs in that area, and they will have true Christians. Best wishes! Praying for you man. Sadly a whole lot of us guys got these issues and society doesn't always have an answer.
Apparently I have been summoned. Lol My unsolicited medical advice first and foremost would be to get the heck away from the sleeping pills that (blunt) your emotions because they sound like they are messing with ur social interactions on top of a toxic work environment. My experience with it has always made me feel like I was hungover the next day and it really messed with my mood. Secondly, what's the longest you have gone on a streak?
Hey man, is there anything you're into? I know your meds take a toll on your enthusiasm for participation in life, but there must be some way that you would spend your time if how you spent your time was up to you, no? I have to work through a fair bit of social anxiety to participate in life. Yet I do have a lot going on in my life. But I think my biggest trick is to focus on shtuff I like doing, and do that, letting the socialization ebb and flow as it will. The idea of joining groups or apps with the goal being to socialize sounds terrifying to me lol, but ask me to meet up with ppl to learn ecology or spanish, or to volunteer with the DNR or to meet with a writing group or with somebody to go for a hike or run, hell yeah I'm there. Anyway I'd say start with identifying a passion or two outside of work. Then make a plan, maybe with your therapist if you're currently seeing one, to delve more deeply into something you like, and to reach out into the real world and connect with others who are also into this thing. Last quick word- you're not alone! I can deeply relate to your post over certain times in the last decade. Your situation sounds hard, and I hope you find somewhere to express yourself and some people to vibe with, but it's worth noting that so many young men are in this position... We're living thru a strange time in human history, and excessive listlessness and loneliness are ubiquitous biproducts for most of us. This makes it harder all around, for people to put themselves out there, and for people to accept others. But we gotta keep tryin! Either that or watch GOT or LOTR again lol, but by the 4th watch-thru one has to be vying for something... More. I wish you luck good sir, you will figure something out, keep experimenting, keeper movin!
Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it. My main problem is that I don't even know what my interests are. I've been so preoccupied with porn addiction, alcohol and depression the last 10-15 years that I hardly even ever lived so far. I'm sure many of you can relate with that. I wasted so many potential opportunities and so many hours/weeks/months/years you wouldn't believe it. Basically addiction was the centre of my life that sucked up all my energy. I'm now mentally stable, but I don't have the social connections that most of my peers at age 30+ usually have. I overcame all this s*** but now I'm still as restless and anxious as before. I'm very lucky that I'm close with my immediate family, but other than that I only have 2-3 friends and all of them live in other states. Apart from family visits, I live an isolated life that is mainly dominated by the Internet. My free time I spend with movies/series/books/randomly surfing/walking the streets/gym and randomly travelling by train. Plus family visits and occasionally visiting the few friends of mine in other states (every 2-3 months). My basic question is: how do you actually find out what your interests are? That might sound quite stupid, but I really don't know how to find out. I can name a few interests of mine, but I don't know how to use that properly? I'm interested in psychology, medicine, true crime, politics, weight training, sex (= high sex drive that led to my severe porn addiction), English language/books (I'm a non-native speaker) and travelling. What can I do with that? Thanks for every advice.
Hey good to hear from you! Yeah vice hollows out your life. But I think those are cool interests! Go to related events/meet people randomly. And try new activities too. Lotta classes/events out there that meet regularly and allow you to get to know people. Praying for you man. P.S. You can def meet people w/ similar interests at a church, and I bet they'd be very very excited to do things with you
hey man, i can very much relate to your post... how you doin now? im also at a state now wehre i can socialise (wanting has always been there) and went to meetups, build own groups and stuff, and met some nice and interesting people with whom i do socialise from time to time, but still not what i imagined really... im looking for a male group of friends - a tribe so to speak - and doing classical masculine things together (sports, watching sports, gym, whatever) but im struggling... my tactic is now to go alone exactly where i believe i can find those people but often i feel strange beeing alone there... i so much wish i could interact with people on the internet in real life as i often see similiar situations like mine but only on the f* internet...
