After too long of deceiving myself, I'm finally relieved to say that I wasn't even a pedophile because I'm not tormented by pedophilic thoughts every day and I don't have an attraction to children, I only got a boner while looking at my surroundings and it just happened to be that there was a child there, I didn't get the boner because I was aroused by that child, also this has happened a many times which is I get boners looking at random things and people a lot while not even thinking of them, I just felt very ashamed that it happened in an unsuitable context even though I wasn't aroused at all by my surroundings but rather my thoughts, what I likely have is POCD, I was tormenting myself with shame in many sleepless nights because I actually thought I was a horrible person, until now I feel guilty and regretful for no reason, in fact the boners I had in these cases were groinal responses, I still feel ashamed of myself here and there but I feel very happy that I'm not attracted to children and relieved once I discovered that I actually have POCD, I've never committed any sexual crimes against children or possessed any illegal material and I very rarely think of children, POCD seems to be what I'm experiencing now. Did you guys have any experience with it? It was a hellish road to deal with in my experience.
Yeah I have that too just try not to beat yourself up too much for it because what you resist persists speaking from experience.
I have followed your threads on this in the past and I am pleased for you that you have greater clarity. IMO, you have arrived at the correct conclusion. Nevertheless, POCD is a very challenging phenomenon to deal with. Good luck bro.
Sometimes it's hard to resist these intrusive thoughts, hence the name "intrusive," but it's always better to try and not think about these thoughts, they are triggered by the smallest things in my own experience, but it's always better to express them in an appropriate and healthy manner which is almost impossible lol.
Yeah thanks, I feel much better now knowing that at the very least I'll be able to deal with the guilt that comes here and there with the knowledge that what I'm experiencing is not real and related to POCD.
If you get an intrusive thought just tell yourself it's just your OCD messing with you and you don't care. Don't think in circles about it. I think sometimes it's good to think about it, so you can understand it, but OCD will try to make you think about it forever. Don't let it do that to you. Just move on with your life, if you get a though now and then just don't care about it and they will become less and less
rationalizing your own conclusions can be a great benefit but it can also be a way of rationalizing irrational thoughts convincing yourself "whew im not that kind of person" which can let your guard down to promote destructive behavior. POCD in these ways does not make u a pedophile correct, but many many people with those disorders have gotten into legal trouble that brands them as pedophiles. Don't go down the path of "I only did this not that so I'm not one of those people" mentality. There was a guy recently in our town that got caught with images of fully dressed minors. Watching our town rally against him as he tried to explain they were clothed didn't stop them from branding him a pedophile.
Yeah I think his main issue is the OCD making him think that he is a pedophile. People with this kind of OCD should not avoid being around children because avoidance is an OCD ritual that actually feeds the OCD. People with this kind of OCD may get an intrusive thought that makes them think they are a pedophile, they may respond to this thought by avoiding children, which actually feeds the OCD and the intrusive thoughts. Obviously, you would never want to let your guard down and harm a minor but this is not his problem. Look up groinal response. POCD can literally give you a boner looking at a child. The difference between POCD and pedophiliah is that POCD is cured by not caring. OCD needs you to care for it to survive. If you get a intrusive thought just tell yourself "I don't care, that's my OCD, Im not going to worry". The fact that you are concerned about it shows that you are a good person and have no intention of harming a child. Also, people with POCD may feel the need to compulsively confess their issue as a ritual to make themselves feel better about it. This will also make the OCD worse. Key is not to care.
I honestly think it's unfair that people will brand you as a pedophile for no reason, what happened to the guy who got caught that you spoke about at the end?
Nothing yet that I know of I think he is still going through the legal system. But the scarlet letter is on him forever
Oh my god. This sounds like what I'm going through. And you're right this feels like hell, it feels like there's no way out of this. I have no want to commit any crimes or possess any illegal material, but I'm tormented daily by these thoughts and feelings. I've been addicted to masturbation, and with these thoughts it makes me feel worse, I hate it. Is there any way to fix this? Right now it feels like no matter what I do, if I continue masturbating, then I'll get deeper into all of this. And if I stop masturbating, then I'll get so desperate and act out or something. Now that I've heard of what this is I feel like offing myself. I've spent so much of my life saying that I if I wasn't normal, then I don't want to live, and now that I find something that kind of fits what I'm going through, it lifts a weight off my shoulders, but at the same time puts a greater weight on my shoulders. I won't off myself, by the way, but a part of me definitely does. Edit: It doesn't help that I used to masturbate in response to anxiety, but in this case I can't/don't want to as it would make me feel ever worse.
The best way you can treat this is by accepting it, and try not thinking about it. I don't know how, but after some time the thoughts have become neutralized and the things that used to trigger it before are now untriggering to me, and my brain acts neutrally to it. I think reassurance is the best thing you can do, to reassure yourself when that thought comes that this is not who you are and that once you quit your porn addiction you'll be completely normal. I've heard from some that exposing themselves to the triggers lessens the anxiety many times and getting a sense of perspective has personally helped them, you can try this too, this is what may have worked with me to neutralize the thoughts, though I'm not sure. It feels like hell at times, but it feels better to know that it's a temporary period of your life.
If he has POCD then reassurance will likely not help, because reassurance can be a form of compulsion.
Look up the OCD and Anxiety show with Matt Codde. He has an episode on POCD, a condition you possibly have. Question, when you masturbate are you thinking of pedophilic content? Something pedophilic popping in your head doesn't count, are you intentionally fantasizing about pedophilic acts? No judgement if so, I am just trying to understand your situation.
Sorry for the late response, but no, I don't. What happens is that something pops into my head, and I panic and try to get my mind off of it. But it feels like hell because I feel like I have to actively not think about it, which just makes me panic more. I do have to be honest, last year I did stumble onto a porn forum, which I won't name, where people were sexualizing girls who were underaged, but I didn't think anything of it because I too was underaged. Then when I turned 18, I understood I couldn't continue so I stopped going to that website, until about last September when I went back for some God-forsaken reason, and I found some horrible things, that I don't think anyone should have to see or hear about. That was the night that I believe started me on the path that I'm on, that was the first time I remember feeling the way I do now. Honestly I think I only have myself to blame, I did this to myself, I found porn when I was like 13, then when TikTok was becoming popular, I switched to using that, since in my 14/o brain it was okay since I was underaged, and the girls I saw were also underaged. And then when the pandemic hit, my masturbation addiction only grew, and I used TikTok every time. Then when that wasn't enough, I started looking for different forums that talked about girls from TikTok, which eventually led me to the forum I mentioned above. I tricked my brain to be the way it is, and now look at me. It doesn't help that I got into the habit of masturbating when I'm stressed, so it's like a continual cycle. And it's gotten worse since September, obviously. In the past month or so, I've had two dreams of girls I've known in the past, they weren't wet dreams, but when I woke up I felt very uncomfortable. Of course one happened on one of my days off from work, so all day that day I was worried and panicking. I kind of use my work as something to get my mind off of this, but of course I work in a grocery store, so there's bound to be kids there, I do feel like I'm okay around most of them, but then of course I'll see one, and one of these thoughts pop into my head, to which I panic. It honestly feels like I'm tearing myself apart from the inside, it's like a tug of war within myself. This is going to sound dumb, but you know the saying about the two wolves, it feels like they're fighting within me sometimes. Other times it's not so bad. This really discourages me from getting a girlfriend, since who is going to want to be with someone who has these thoughts, or worse, what if I act out and actually do something, then I have a non-zero chance with anybody, although I guess at that point I would have bigger issues to deal with. Plus to top it off, my entire life would be worthless at that point. And these are the thoughts that go through my head every day, I have this battle every day. It honestly feels like hell.
I do hope that this is temporary, because if not, my entire life has been pointless. And I do hope it stems from my porn addiction. Although that's not the only thing that I'll have to change. I must say, I didn't masturbate for 3 days, and the thoughts weren't as bad, but then I went home, and before I went to sleep I masturbated like an idiot and the thoughts came back. I just worry that if I stop masturbating then I'll get desperate, and actually do something. I will take some of your advice, I'll try telling myself that this isn't who I am, and abstain from masturbation and porn. Maybe that will also help me build up the courage to talk to my crush from work.
This is an OCD problem way more than a sexual problem. It is good you are working on NoFap because porn is not good for your brain but you are not a pedophile. You response to me 100% met the criteria for POCD. Please listen to the OCD and Anxiety Show with Matt Code and look up the POCD episode. OCD is a condition that you can beat.
