So, I have been riddled with mood disorders since starting this journey...anxiety, brain fog, waking up in the middle of the night, loss of lobido, sexula disorientation and very numb everything around me.Since I stopped MO'ing I have become very disconnected from people and intrusive thoughts have come into the picture.Ive also started regressing mentally...like dwelling on my abusive childhood and remembering things I forgot about for almost 50 years. My therapist says it's untreated BiPolar, but I'm wondering if it is me being abstinence.Ive also been hearing the last thing with mood disorders and sexual issues in that my Thyroid could be screwed up.Sorry, don't want a free therapy session alot to take in.
That's the usual symptoms that I experienced when I first tried to quit. Took me 2 years to ween myself down to get to the point I am now with a 37 day streak in flatine.
If addiction is the avoidance of pain, then stopping the avoidance leads to facing the pain. Memories and thoughts of your "abusive childhood and remembering things I forgot about for almost 50 years" have resurfaced. Is that because you used MO to avoided dealing with them? If so, I suggest working through those issues to deal with at least some of the drivers for this behaviour. I can't see what any of what you describe has to do with Bipolar disorder. I dislike modern medicine, especially psychiatry. It's a convenient way to sell drugs by creating reliant zombies. Mental and spiritual issues are not solved by taking synthetic chemicals.
Hi @Capster, Welcome to the point in life when it's time to deal with your pain. I went through this process in my mid 40's after a bad relationship stripped away all my coping mechanisms and left no alternative but to face my past. It was a fraught few years, but ultimately an incredible journey of healing. I'm actually grateful for it now (I would have never said that at the time). I like reading you're working with a therapist, however have you heard of Gabor Matè? He's a Canadian doctor and childhood trauma specialist who works extensively in the field of addiction. He has written books on addiction and has some great talks on YouTube that might be worth a look. Wishing you well through this period.
My issues have been stronger than just "dealing with" it.I have severe phobias that came to the surface.I have been hospitalized 3 times for beliefs that I had prostate cancer, then I was gay, and then I had AIDS. Well some people seem to make miraculous recoveries with medication. The field of psychiatry I get it can be marred, but there is Validity To their profession. I suffer from delusional thoughts and severe anxiety. I've faced every problem in my past and my present and all these symptoms are still there.
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia for many years. It was extreme, I was non-functional, highly delusional, and also hospitalised. I took medications in times of desperation as a last resort but was never convinced that it was the solution. Indeed the 6 months that I committed to taking them were among the worst of my life. When I found Buddhist philosophy, it explained psychosis / schizophrenia and I was then able to deal with what is termed as (extreme) delusion. Understanding how psychosis manifests through understanding fear and peace enabled me to heal myself. The existential crisis that I lived in has not completely gone away because the pathways were so well worn in my mind / I still have memories of them. But most of the time, I don't consider myself to live in that place, am highly functional, am much more peaceful and content. So in terms of "just dealing with it", yes, extreme psychosis, phobias etc. can be dealt with. For me it has been an involved process over many years covering most facets of myself and my life. Through understanding and practise of meditation, through understanding fear and peace, I overcame a crippling life-long fear of spiders, for instance, which had become connected with my psychosis. I think that the hardest part of the process of overcoming psychosis is challenging the self. I know of another person who did similar to me to successfully overcome psychosis. Another close friend has lived with psychosis for more than half of his life. I see how he causes his own problems and how he projects those onto the world. That projection is his (paranoid) psychosis. The root of it for him is deception / self-deception. So instead of taking responsibility and empowering himself, he uses medicine which numbs him emotionally and holds him in that state. The basis of neuroleptics is shaky; the observation of increased dopamine D2 receptors in people with psychosis, for instance. The brain and its chemistry are highly complex. Psychiatrists do not know how medication, upsetting complex balances and functionality, will affect patients. Each person administered medicine is taking part in an experiment. One of the friends I mentioned had a fit because of this. How does blocking D2 receptors, for instance, help someone overcome delusional ideas of the world? It doesn't. It deals with symptoms by blocking functionality which holds the person in that state. Hence the remark I made about reliance over empowerment. Since I have become well, I have helped other people diagnosed with mental health disorders. That includes my daughter. She was told that she had Borderline Personality Disorder. She had nothing of the sort. She had difficult experiences to deal with and needed guidance and support. As I had healed myself, I was able to help her. She worked her way through issues and now lives medication free. I hope that this provides further understanding of the comments that I made. Best wishes to you. I know how difficult and troubling psychosis / fear / delusion can be. It can be overcome naturally because it's a natural process. Indeed I think that's the only way without causing other problems. There is balance.
You must be the rare breed, because I hear of children coming from perfectly normal upbringing and having schizophrenia or mental illness.In my case, there was severe abuse in my childhood and constant yelling and fighting.My grandfather had mental illness and somehow,someway it may have genetically come to me. Anyway, at this point my junk has no more life in it and if I even think about MO'ing I get anxiety beyond comprehension.
I'm sorry to hear of your childhood experiences and how that still affects you. Parents often pass problems to their children. Fear / delusion can spread. I don't think that my recovery from psychosis had anything to do with being a "rare breed". If we understand psychosis, we can then take the steps necessary to overcome it. In my previous response, I conveyed knowing 1 other person to have done that. I actually know 2. The other person I met recently. If you want, I would be happy to talk with you, to see if I can help. All the best.
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/addicted-10-years-recovered-my-experience.343053/ Read this, you'll be fine. Stay on track
Holy. I have the same issues with my mind. Thinking I'm turning gay and having AIDS. AIDS started at my 10yo, I'm 28 right now. Those thoughts are really disturbing. I'm rebooting in order to erase this thing. Or to assume my sexual taste, I'm at that point... Just a question, have you ever been sexualy assaulted during your childhood? It's my case and I think it's the cause of all this mess.
First off, I don't remember, but I was sexually active with other children at the ages of 6 between 8 yrs old.My therapist and others ( actually over 10 therapists) have said I was molested as a child and probably don't remember it.That I have it buried so deep because my brain is scared of bringing it to the surface.Im actually shaking writing this and it is hard to breathe.
