NoFAP: A gigantic challenge

Yes, many times.
And I always had given in after an hour or 2, 3 ... or a day until I found the working solution.
The only working solution is to me a short time promise not to do pmo, prayer at each emerging temptation during this promise time and additionally a promise that for the time of the promise I will not use a computer, smart phone or even television. But the most important is prayer as soon as the following urge comes. Such prayer helps for only some minutes then it must be repeated and so on.
The short promise must be realistic - for example for the next 2 or 3 hours. If the time is over there must be another short time promise and so on. After some hours the urge is off.
If you try it you'll be saved.

 

No, I haven't experienced them for 7 years. They are typical to the first phase when you are still rooted in addiction and try unsuccessfully to get out. At that time your body is so much accustomed to pmo thrill that it protests vehemently when you try to rob it of the drug . I think decisive is the battle when you prove to your body that you won't obey to its whims. If you win such a battle at least ones then you show to your body that you are the boss now. In my case the decisive battle was over 7 years ago.

It took 7 or 8 hours of brutal fight when I was under a promise I described to you above and I had to pray every 15 minutes because enormous waves of consecutive urges attacked me. Then after very many prayers I started to feel a great inner peace. The battle had been won and since that time my body is under my boots and this all has never repeated since then. So it can be enough to win one major battle - so no step back and fight because if you loose this time you'll find yourself in the same state next time. And then again and again till you notice that you are 60 or more but your body is still in control of you. And evil spirit by the means of your body will be still controling you and deciding about your life. So it's better to fight here and now. No time to lose. New life of a new born is awaiting you but without a tiring battle it cannot be achieved.

 

"Has it ever happened to you, in moments of great temptation, that you reach a level where you haven't fallen now but you are intimately convinced that you will fall in a few hours or days?"

It has not happened to me since about day 200. I recall that the 30, 60, 90 and particularly the 180 day milestones (my previous best) were fearful to me because I could recall crossing them before and then immediately relapsing. Eventually, I did some causal analysis (think, accident investigation) to find the immediate causes and root causes of my failures. The analysis shocked me with a very obvious realization. One that had been eluding me in times past. I still feel foolish for not seeing it before.

As my success built, fervent prayer fell off. The urgency of my requests for God's help diminished with each day of success. I did not take the time, each and every day, to stop everything I was doing and sit or kneel in silent prayer with our Lord. I substituted fervent prayer with prayer by rote while I was doing something at the same time (in my case, walking to the train station and all of the distractions that go with it). After a some period of insincere prayer, I fell. It happened, without fail, every single time. The milestone achievements and the feelings of elation/celebration caused me to relax my guard. Without sincere prayer, I was defenseless and the enemy rushed in every time.

Please also note my frequent use of the pronoun "I" in the above paragraph. I was relying on my self-control to prevent a fall. Now I see how foolish this is. Even today, when I scroll through the news on my computer, my eyes are drawn to the suggestive pictures that advertisers plant there. I scroll past them as quickly as my fingers will go but why are my eyes drawn there to being with? Why? I don't want to sin. I fervently do not want to go back to that life. I love freedom. Clearly, I cannot trust my self control. My heart is not pure. What I can do, is (a) pray fervently for the recognitions that I cannot trust myself (I doubt that I ever will be able to trust myself), (b) Pray that I remember and have faith that I can trust God in all things, including His defense in battle for me (c) His grace in guiding me to make good judgements.

Truly, fervent prayer from the heart, performed everyday whether we are being tempted or not, is the key to freedom.

 

Prayer is surely an individual thing. I don't diminish the incredible value of praying the wonderful prayers of our church. Rather, I think it is important to pray them, alone and in silence, on a frequent basis. My mistake was to pray while I was doing other things while around other people. I know God heard those prayers too but I did allow myself to listen to God's wonderful replies and I wasn't allowing His love to penetrate my heart. Because my prayer for sobriety had been answered, I quit listening for His replies. So silly.

 

Praying the Liturgy of the Hours/Divine Office is an incredibly beneficial prayer since you’re praying if with the entire Church. Some other key benefits is the prayer is structured, so not haphazard, so the discipline involved in praying the Churches prayer is a daily exercise in confirming your will to God’s.

It becomes even more beautiful when you see that the Mass is at the center of it all, so the prayers of each hour become the body and the Eucharist the heart.

 

You have come a long way but don't be surprised you are still tempted. As per the "Spiritual Combat" the first step in striving for truly perfect love of Christ is "Mistrust of Self". Frankly, I think that I will never be able to trust myself. The twinges of lust I feel in my heart are a demonstration of my continuing untrustworthiness. St. Paul says he asked three times for his affliction (probably lust) to be taken from him but God did not do so. Through this sinful addiction, God taught St. Paul, and now us, much. This morning, I am thanking God for rescuing me from this sin and I thank Him for continuing to teach me and draw me closer to Him through it. Among other things, I thank Him for regularly reminding me that I cannot depend on my self control to avoid lust but I can depend on Him to fight my temptations for me, as long as I make the small gesture of asking Him for help.

 

The cross you’re carrying now is not as heavy as the cross of a relapse. I know, I went 50 days and relapsed. Going back isn’t an option as there is no such thing as back in the spiritual life; you’re either going up or you’re going down. Keep climbing that ladder!

 

I’m sorry to hear about your recent fall, especially after making past a personal best. I fell after making it 50 days which has been my personal best for the past 12 years. The takeaways I think isn’t to go into an “all is lost” mindset but to learn from what was working. For me, that had been daily heartfelt prayer and a healthy distrust of myself and my own abilities.

The victory over vice is found in total surrender to Jesus Christ! He’s given us the Holy Spirit, the Sacraments, Mary, St Joseph, and all the communion and saints and angels to help us with this task of surrender. When I depend on myself and my own power I only have the ability to commit sin. When I rely on God’s power, I have the ability to practice the virtues that are contrary to my fallen nature and sinful inclinations.

The fact that you’ve gotten further than you’ve ever been is evidence that you’re on the right path. Continue on it.

 

There is a medicine against being tired of fighting. It's prayer. The good (or bad) news is - there is NO other medicine against it. The vast majority of believers look for some sorts of medicine beside of prayer or additionally to prayer. They waste their holy time and their .... life.

Your weakness of spirit and your low willpower came from not having used prayer / enough prayer / long enough prayer (especially at the time of temptation).