36 days hardmode my brothers. Going good! 20% of the journey is done. Proud of myself Walking in the halls of Moria... Yesterday was hard, because i was feeling really tired and with little sleep. But i manage to do most of my things, and i´m really proud of it! My sleep last night was good, so i have a little more energy. Althought i will keep things simple and smooth like yesterday because i still don´t feel i can stretch myself too much No urges or temptations, feeling solid. Have a great sunday Fellowship!! And...
Celebrating double digits at the old watch tower of Amon Sul. Keeping diligent watch for lurking PMO forces. Day 10 = Complete
Day 10. Spending a cozy night in the very old Watchtower, while the PMO forces are keeping an eye on me.
I was about to watch porn, but that's the very moment where I have to stop myself. I'm on day 2, I got my first quest item and, as I already stated, I'm not gonna loose that sword again! Of course I "want" to watch porn and of course I have petty excuses why I could do it once more. That's the addiction. For too long I have ignored the mechanics of addiction and refrained from doing the recovery work. Recovery work - that means dealing with the urges and the thoughts; and remind myself that I can't believe my thoughts. I have to prioritize recovery and I have to get consistent with it. My current rank reflects my state of recovery. Yes, I'm an experienced fapstronaut, but I used to be better, I was way farther on the road of recovery. It's not acceptable to stay in this realm of misery, where my abstinence doesn't go further than a few days, while the active addiction is like a roaring lion, feeding my brain constantly. Behavior become habits become destiny - you have no time left! NOW OR NEVER - that must be the name of the game. Every single day without exception!