Day 167 Met a new business coach yesterday and spent talking with her for 2 hours. Unfortunately didn't communicate clearly with my girlfriend, so there were some expectations and some let downs. Good to notice and good to move on. Work-out: day 60 Did my dumbbell routine and did 20 push ups. Didn’t go for my lunchwalk and my 1 minute of running. Today is a new opportunity! Walk: day 67 Took my evening stroll in the late evening.. Screentime: day 67 Spent 22 minutes watching Netflix, 55 minutes on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 9 minutes on the Internet Communication: day 64 Didn't communicate so well with my girl. Wanted to take her along to my businesscoach appointment, but I was late in the end and let my girl know that I would pick her up after my appointment. She arranged her work in such a way that she could come with me and she was disappointed. Meditation: day 157 Two sessions of meditation. First session started at 7 AM. PMO Study: day 167 All books that speak about healing relationship trust speak of honesty and good communication. However, that is exactly the thing that I find very difficult. I am trying to find out how to communicate clearly so I don't leave the door open for my girl to think of other things. Sleep: day 19 Slept still meh. Slept very long today, but the mattress is still getting used to. Healthy eating: day 21 No sugar yesterday! Didn't take effort, because I had some Monday. Today I can eat sugar, but I don't feel like eating it. Let's see how it goes. Cold showers: day 67 It is a nice build up.
Day 168 Chose the business coach from Monday to help me start my business. Yesterday my parents visited me and my girl stayed over. I got my new bed last week and my dad helped me bring away the old bed to the dump. My mom is doing a diet which helps her with the pains in her body. She is restricted from eating all kinds of food that might lead to inflammations in the body. I made a club sandwich for my dad, my girl and myself and my mom was eating her salad. Work-out: day 61 Did my dumbbell routine and did 20 push ups. It was so busy, so I didn't have the opportunity to do my lunch walk with 1 minute running. I know it's good to make an implementation plan for my habits, but I haven't done that for this one yet. Walk: day 68 Took my evening stroll in the evening before my evening meditation. Screentime: day 68 Spent 17 minutes watching Netflix, 30 minutes on Whatsapp (chatting with my mom) and 6 minutes on the Internet Communication: day 65 We spoke about right communication and I figure that I miss the right input to think about it progressively. Can someone recommend a book that gives me a method to communicate more reliably in a transparent way? Meditation: day 158 One session of meditation. Only a 10 minute session at 10 PM PMO Study: day 168 Started reading Worthy of Her Trust. I understand that one of the writers has experience of doing PMO and betraying his wife, so it's a good book to read. I bounce off the language a bit, as the writer is writing that God granted him the chance to change his life as a sinner. I try to read on, but still need to see how much this will start to irk me. Sleep: day 20 Slept okay. Woke up early and got into action. Healthy eating: day 22 It was my sugar day yesterday and I had a cookie. No sugar cravings for the rest of the day. Not like Sunday. Cold showers: day 68 It is good to experiment to continue to build willpower.
Day 169 Had a good day yesterday. No special things, just work. Doing a course to professionalise myself further. Had a good talk with my girl. She said that I came across far more friendly in conversations. She sees that I'm progressing in that. It's sometimes finding a way in it and realizing how much help someone gives. Work-out: day 62 Did my dumbbell routine, my 20 'shower' push ups and the minute of running. Walk: day 69 Took a nice lunchwalk and a good evening stroll before my evening meditation. Screentime: day 69 Spent 40 minutes watching Netflix, 1:52 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 15 minutes on the Internet Communication: day 66 I'm thinking of making communication habits towards my girl. Habits that show that 'I'm putting the legos on the sculpture of trust' as they call it in Worthy of Her Trust. This analogy works for me and I see every action as something that either makes or breaks the trust of my girl. Meditation: day 159 Three sessions of meditation. 45 mins of meditation. PMO Study: day 169 Started reading Worthy of Her Trust. I came to understand that building trust is a very long, but worthwhile process. As I said before, I need to place legos on the sculpture of trust until my girl 'knows' that she can trust me again. The writer said that time, but also repeated action towards your partner where you deliberately choose for her, will help build trust. I think he is very right about it. Sleep: day 21 Slept well. Woke up at 3.to.go to the toilet, but slept well anyway. Got into action early Healthy eating: day 23 No sugar yesterday, at least I thought so. However, I made myself a spinach carrot smoothie with banana and apple. Bananas and apples contain a lot of sugar. Cold showers: day 69 Build the willpower and keep finding the edge.
Day 8 done and dusted. I have already achieved so much in just 8 days. just realized P+M destroys you from inside out.
Day 170 Had a workday yesterday. Nice and quiet and continued with my course. It's becoming a bit of a drag, as the course reading is so long. I'm out of Dopamine halfway the article and start to get distracted. However, its a good practice to stay focused, so I press on. In the evening I went to my girl's place. We were intimate, but didn't O. Work-out: day 63 Did my dumbbell routine and my 20 'shower' push ups. Have some pain in my knees, so didn't do my minute run. Will go to the doctor on Monday. Walk: day 70 Took a lunchwalk and took a short but nice evening stroll with my girl before going home and doing my evening meditation. Screentime: day 70 Spent 30 minutes watching Netflix, 1:52 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 32 minutes on the Internet (looking for a healthy recipe for dinner) Communication: day 67 Worthy of Her Trust made me think that every action I'm doing towards my girl either builds trust or destroys it. I told her about this way of thinking and the book and she is happy to see this kind of behavior. Meditation: day 160 Three sessions of meditation. 45 mins of meditation. PMO Study: day 170 All of our reboot journeys start messy. We know where we came from and this is our starting point. Whether we were married, having a gf or single, we all need to struggle with our addiction by ourselves. Certain things, like distrust in relationships or depressions, are difficult to overcome and you need professional counseling to get yourself through it. Sleep: day 22 Slept long. Woke up at 3:30 again to go to the toilet. I go to bed at 10:30 PM every night and it does me well. Healthy eating: day 24 It was a sugar day yesterday and I had 2 cookies. I regretted it immediately as the cookie was so incredibly sweet that it almost hurt my teeth. Cold showers: day 70 Keep on keeping on.
Know why you do this reboot. Know why you want to quit PMO and what damage it does in your life. Know that if you don't quit it, it will keep having you in its grip. What helped for me is to consider that I don't escape anything by foing PMO. I just break my streak, am disappointed in myself and have to start all over again. You need to unlearn the habits that lead you to PMO and learn habits that lead you to the life you want to live.
Day 171 I had an easy day yesterday which I spent reading, cleaning and baking cookies for a picknick with my girl today. Was planning to go for a run, but my knees don't feel right, so I will await the advice of the doctor on Monday. I have a board on which I remind myself of my routines and I decided to make a start to rewrite it. This to keep my routines fresh Work-out: day 64 Did my 20 shower push ups and decided to give my body a rest and not to do a workout. Walk: day 71 Came home late and did a short evening stroll. Screentime: day 71 Spent 1 hour watching Netflix, 2:04 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 19 minutes on the Internet (following a cookie recipe) Communication: day 68 I was open towards my girl. Since reading Worthy of Her Trust, something started to click in me. The writer has had experience himself and speaks from that. I can feel that. Other books are from CSATs who have a lot of experience treating it, but didn't have to struggle through it themselves. Meditation: day 161 Three sessions of meditation. 30 mins of meditation. PMO Study: day 171 In Worthy of Her Trust, the writer says that sex for an addicted man is not for intimacy, but mainly for getting his fix. He uses the lady to get himself off. However, true intimacy, and a 'soul connection' as he calls it, is usually deeper and brings sex to a new level. I feel that this has happened between me and my girl and that our relationship has become much stronger. Sleep: day 23 Was very cold. Woke up regularly and went back to sleep again. Think I have a cold. Healthy eating: day 25 I was managing my meals yesterday and managed not to eat any sugar. No cravings. Cold showers: day 71 It's getting colder and I notice that I have more difficulty taking cold showers if I woke up cold.
16 more days Day 69 It feels great guys! I feel great !! I feel more alive!! Funny! I experienced a urge today, but I immediately asked myself what feelings were bringing the urge up! I feel the more you question your feelings the more you realize you have no reason to PMO. I am sorry I don't come here regularly. I don't want to put pressure on myself. Secondly, I don't want to get used to coming here, I come here to reflect and it gives me a certain feeling of calmness, I don't want that feeling gone. My traps are out. My abs are almost complete. My chest are out properly. I now do 60 reps dips every evening with the water tank behind where I stay. They are a lot of things that have happened to me negatively this past two weeks that I would immediately run to porn to get over but this time there is nothing as such and I am proud of myself for that . It hasn't been easy no doubt but I will keep on fighting no matter what!! I wanted to do this tomorrow but I couldn't hold it I needed to come here and reflect and feel that calmness again. Everything will be alright . If you're reading this and you are thinking about giving up,don't . Keep on trying your best. The fact that you that what you're doing I wrong and you need to change means you're no longer in phase 1. So keep on going. Keep moving. I don't know what else to say !! Till another time. Hopefully, when I get to day 100,may be then , I will begin to do a daily journey like @JoeBimbo
Day 172 Picked up my girl yesterday morning and we had a lovely morning picnic together. I took her back home, we were intimate (but didn't O) and still went out for a long walk. Before I brought her back home, we went out for a quick bite and had some nice quality time. Still need to rewrite my routines on the board. Work-out: day 65 Did my dumbbell workout and my shower push ups. Also decided to do 1 push up before I go to the toilet. Walk: day 72 Walked in the forest with my girl and had my evening stroll. Screentime: day 72 Didn't watch Netflix, 1:09 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 13 minutes on the Internet Communication: day 69 Communicating was not a problem. It feels like a switch has flicked in how I was speaking to my girl and I decided to change it. She keeps on saying that I'm suddenly much more open for her words and that's true. Meditation: day 162 Two sessions of meditation. 35 mins of meditation. PMO Study: day 172 In Worthy of Her Trust, the writer says that an addicted man manipulates his partner into thinking that it is her fault that he is not interested in having sex with her. All the while he is addicted and tries to get out of her finding out. She, in turn, starts to try to save the marriage by doing things she doesn't want to. It usually ends up in resentment towards the other and resentment Sleep: day 24 Made up my bed with a thick blanket. Slept like a King. Healthy eating: day 26 Had some sugar on the picnic and a dessert when eating out.. Cold showers: day 72 It's time to see how I can make more steps in this process, as I feel like I'm repeating myself.
Day 173 Had a good working day yesterday. However, I felt like I was continually behind schedule. It was a matter of letting go, because I became a bit cranky. Doctor said I had a slight injury in my knee and in the front part of my gluteus maximus muscle. He advised me to go to a physiotherapist who can see whether my way of walking is okay. Work-out: day 66 My dumbbell workout, shower push ups and toilet push ups work great. Before I go to the toilet (mind you, I drink 3 liters of water every day) I do 1 push up. Walk: day 73 Took a lunchwalk, a bike ride to the doctor and an evening stroll. Screentime: day 73 Watched 30 minutes of Netflix, 1:58 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 17 minutes on the Internet Communication: day 70 I was a bit impatient yesterday, as I felt constantly behind. My girl noticed that and asked me to leave it behind. Meditation: day 163 Three sessions of meditation. 45 mins of meditation. PMO Study: day 173 In Worthy of Her Trust, the writer says that there is a great misunderstanding with pastors who advice on this matters. They would always turn to the woman and ask them to 'take care of themselves' in such a way that a man may stay interested. It is done with good intention, but is totally unfair for the lady who already feels like sht. Sleep: day 25 Overslept this morning. I slept for 10 hours straight. Healthy eating: day 27 Not so much sugar, only a cookie. Today is not a sugar day. Cold showers: day 73 I turn the dial colder and colder and my body gets used to it.