Going on a 50 day streak

Still doing fine.

Have cut down my screen time as much as I possibly can. Thanks for asking

 

What day are you on now? Day 12 or so?

 

Day 174

Picked up my girl yesterday and we had some nice talks together. We cuddled but we didn't have sex. I was still impatient from the day and tough talks don't usually help me to become more patient. However, I was able to control myself and be loving and patient with my girl.

Work-out: day 67
Did my dumbbell workout at 10:30 AM. Had no problem to do my shower and toilet push ups.

Walk: day 74
Took a lunchwalk, a bike ride to the supermarket and an evening stroll with my girl.

Screentime: day 74
Watched 30 minutes of Netflix, 0:58 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 9 minutes on the Internet

Communication: day 71
Could communicate with my girl with patience and understanding. Book Worthy of Her Trust has flicked a switch in wanting to be understanding towards my girl.

Meditation: day 164
Two sessions of meditation. 15 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 174
In Worthy of Her Trust, the writer speaks of some myths which couples believe in the healing process. One myth I believed myself was that if both parties could be loving, open and forgiving, all would be over sooner. I see now that it was selfish to think that, as the lady has a trauma to process and this comes with all kind of emotions that fly around your ears. This happens until she naturally feels that she is done with it and sees the other moving towards building trust

Sleep: day 26
Went to bed on time. Slept like a King.

Healthy eating: day 28
No sugar! Had some bloating after eating a dish with goat cheese. Might want to cut down on the cheese.

Cold showers: day 74
I just keep going.

 

Stopped counting days and just marching on!

 

Day 175

I thought I had (at least a bit of) a flatline. The past few days, I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to complete my course and would do it for hours on end. This resulted in being tired and not initiating s. The last two days I've been feeling really tired, but I've slept an average of 9,5 hours each night. Now that I'm building my company, doing that course feels good, because I think I'm really doing something. The pressure to get results and to achieve something is something I 'should' look at.

Work-out: day 68
Was able to do my workout at 10, to do my 20 shower push ups and to do a lot of toilet push ups.

Walk: day 75
Took a lunch walk and an evening stroll.

Screentime: day 75
Watched 40 minutes of Netflix (finished the serie Liebes Kind), 1:27 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 16 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 72
I once again could be patient and forthcoming with my girl.

Meditation: day 165
Three sessions of meditation. 31 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 175
Everybody's reboot journey is different. The result and the sequence is different for everyone and noone can predict what will happen when. Some experience intense withdrawal symptoms very early, but I just feel very quiet inside.

Sleep: day 27
Went to bed a bit late. Slept very long, but woke up rested.

Healthy eating: day 29
Ate three cookies and a very healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Next week, I will cut Wednesday as a sugar day and see what happens.

Cold showers: day 75
More, more. Colder, colder!

 

Day 176

Had my first business coaching session yesterday. The session was fun and I still have much to learn. I believe that this coaching (which is heavily subsidized by the government) helps me further to understand what I want to offer in my business and how to do that.

Met with my girl for lunch and we ate a sandwich in the city center. Although she had to go back to work, it was great seeing her.

Work-out: day 69
As I had coaching in the morning, I couldn't do my workout at 10, but did it at 3 PM. Did my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Have an appointment with the physiotherapist next week to see how to adjust my walk to not have aches in my knees anymore.

Walk: day 76
Took a afternoon walk and an evening stroll.

Screentime: day 76
Watched 20 minutes of Netflix, 1:54 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 25 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 73
My girl pointed out very important features she saw in me about what I told her about the coaching. It was not comfortable to hear, but I know it will ultimately make me a stronger man. I need to keep my head in the game.

Meditation: day 166
Two sessions of meditation. 26 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 176
Read in Worthy of Her Trust. The writer touches upon a very important point which he names Spiritual Fervency. He says that the reason to rebuild trust is not because you want to be that person for your partner, but because you want to be that person for God/ a higher power. That you build your character to be reliable and trustworthy, so G can build upon you. When you do that, the trust of your partner might come back as well, but she sees you rebuilding the relationship with God.

Sleep: day 28
Slept well. Have a slight neck ache.

Healthy eating: day 30
Ate a healthy breakfast and had a low FODMAP dinner. Followed a recipe, but it used sugar. Tasted alright, but the sugar really took away a lot of the savory goodness that this dish had.

Cold showers: day 76
Every day a bit colder

 

Day 177

Had some deep talks with my girl. I have been focusing on this stupid course for the past month, because I thought I'd be awesome for doing that. However, it sucks away my energy. Decided to block Coursera, Udemy etc. Will read books and practice my skills with workbooks from paper. They still work the best anyway.

Work-out: day 70
Did my workout, my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Still going strong

Walk: day 77
Took my lunch walk and a long evening stroll.

Screentime: day 77
Watched 47 minutes of Netflix, 1:52 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 14 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 74
My girl said that she really enjoyed my open way of communication for the last two months, but noticed that I was impatient and defensive yesterday. She felt that me staying patient and calm would rebuild trust in my actions sooner. I think she is right, because my defensiveness only compounds the hurt.

Meditation: day 167
Three sessions of meditation. 53 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 177
Read in Worthy of Her Trust. In continuance of Spiritual Fervency, the writer says that rebuilding your relationship with God / a higher power will indirectly rebuild your relationship with your partner in a very healthy way. It can be seen that you become a more loving, helpful and patient person and it is an indicator for everyone to see that, if you spend your time on serving, you do not spend it on doing other stuff.

Sleep: day 29
Slept like an angel. Woke up 3 times, as I needed to pee

Healthy eating: day 31
Yesterday was a sugar day and I took my opportunity. I went to the store and bought myself a delicious cookie. I ate it and enjoyed it. Needless to.say, my gut didn't enjoy it.

Cold showers: day 77
Every day a step. And 1 step at a time

 

Day 178

Had a sort of sex dream where I had sex with a fish lady. Very weird.

Spent a great time with my girl yesterday and we took a nice long walk in nature yesterday. We capped it off by drinking tea in a cafe in the middle of the forest. We were intimate and had sex with our clothes on. No O.

Work-out: day 71
Did my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Going strong!

Walk: day 78
Took a long walk with my girl and I brought lunch. We also did an evening stroll before I brought my girl back home.

Screentime: day 78
Watched 15 minutes of Netflix, 0:57 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 6 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 75
I was reading all kinds of business books and my gf sees that it only puts me under pressure to perform. When I feel that pressure, I don't have much energy left for other things. We took those books away and replaced them by Your Brain On Porn, Out of the Doghouse and Worthy of Her Trust. She advised me to also read Nonviolent Communication, as she thinks it is of vital benefit for me.

Meditation: day 168
Two sessions of meditation. 30 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 178
Read in Worthy of Her Trust. In order for a wife to be able to trust her partner again, the man needs to work with active truth telling. This is where he initiates transparency in his finances, or in his browser history, or in whatever. And this will take question marks away with his wife.

Sleep: day 30
Slept okay. Had a lot of dreams.

Healthy eating: day 32
Didn't have a sugar day yesterday, but I switched it with today. Had cookies and chocolate. Had a humongous sugar surge in my body. Became restless

Cold showers: day 78
Every day is another step

 

Day 179

Spent a beautiful sunday with my girl. We went to the Ikea to see whether there were interesting things for our houses we wanted to buy. This would usually be a test for me, as I'd get anxiety as soon as I'd walk into Ikea. This time I didn't get anxiety, because I could close myself off for other influences and just be there with my girl.

Work-out: day 72
Once again could do my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Yeah!

Walk: day 79
Planned to go for a walk with my girl, but instead we started cruising the surroundings. Did a nice long evening stroll

Screentime: day 79
Watched 45 minutes of Netflix, 1:52 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 12 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 76
My girl appreciates me thinking things through. I don't do that. Sometimes that leads her to be a bit frustrated with me, because sometimes she just said it a few moments ago. Only I didn't think my thing and the thing we spoke of were connected. Back to the drawing board for me

Meditation: day 169
Three sessions of meditation. 40 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 179
Read in Worthy of Her Trust. There are many myths we (the addicts) and our partners believe. When we start our reboot, it is vital to be absolutely calm and patient with our partners. They have every right to be angry. The only thing we can do, sometimes begrudgingly so, is to endure it and to give it a place in yourself. Not that we start to pity ourselves or think of ourselves as a miserable sinner, but that this is the cost of our actions that is now repaid (with interest). We need to swallow it and move on.

Sleep: day 31
Slept well.

Healthy eating: day 33
Didn't have a sugar day again yesterday, but switched it again with today. My girl bought us some ice creams because she forgot I didn't eat sugar.

Cold showers: day 79
Every day is a chance to be awesome. It's only cold water.

 

Day 180

Picked up my routine again. Or tried to anyway. This time without the coursera course. I must say that I was very agitated in the morning, but I feel more relaxed. I noticed that I'm agitated with something my girl said last week and it unconsciously did something with me. I became a whiny old man, because I was convinced my girl was putting me down. And because she was putting me down, I felt justified to put her down and defend my choices. It was a very weird game. Hope to be more aware of it next time.

Work-out: day 73
Did my workout, my 20 shower push ups and my toilet push ups! Works wonders.

Walk: day 80
Took my lunch walk and an extended evening stroll.

Screentime: day 80
Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 2:06 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 12 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 77
I think my poor communication and defensive posture came from feeling put down by something my girl said. Last week she was concerned that I couldn't get an erection during sex and it felt that she magnified this example as something that really shouldn't happen anymore. I've never chosen for it to happen, but it was perhaps a combination of stress and spending my time on coursera.

Meditation: day 170
Three sessions of meditation. 35 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 180
Read in Nonviolent Communication. Have read the book a while ago, but it is good to reread it. Whenever I read it, I really want to practice it and master this way of communication. This puts again pressure on me and the way I communicate, but also on the way my girl communicates. It usually ends up with me getting frustrated by my girl who 'isn't following the book'. And ofcourse she isn't as she usually doesn't know when I try to practice this. More to be practiced.

Sleep: day 32
Slept well. One long sleep. Didn't wake up at night.

Healthy eating: day 34
No sugar yesterday. Worked well. I was cranky, but that means working it through. Start my day with a spinach smoothie every day.

Cold showers: day 80
Another day, another step.

 

Day 181

Have never thought to have passed the half year mark, but it happened. Still a long way to go towards recovery, but half a year shows that there is a basic discipline. Enough discipline to deal with most of my feelings and not run towards PMO.

Met my girl yesterday and opened up the browser history of my laptop to give her full transparency of what I do online. She did not expect it and found it great that I could give her this openness and trust.

Work-out: day 74
My workout worked and my shower + toilet push ups as well. Went to the physiotherapist yesterday and he gave me exercises for my back that will (most probably) solve the issues in my hip and leg

Walk: day 81
Took a lunch walk, my evening stroll with my girl and took a long-ish walk before dinner.

Screentime: day 81
Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 1:05 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 8 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 78
I called my girl yesterday morning after coming back from the physiotherapist. I said that I booked another appointment on the 17th of October, our anniversary. We spoke about celebrating it, but I didn't figure out how I wanted to surprise her. This led me to think that it was okay to plan appointments, but my girl said it really worked the other way around. It is important to see these kinds of behaviors.

Meditation: day 171
Three sessions of meditation. 45 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 181
Read in Worthy of her Trust about Passive and Active Truth telling. Passive truth telling in a relationship is answering questions when they are asked, letting your girl install blocking software on your devices etc. Active truth telling is pro actively doing it and taking your girl along: 'Honey, I've installed a website blocker and I would like your help to fill it with the websites that distract me. Would you be willing to help me?' In my example, I decided to actively take her along in the browser history of my laptop that she doesn't always see. I put the laptop on the table, explained what I tried to do and gave her the access code to my computer to give her full access to my laptop. I sat next to her to answer all the questions. She really appreciated this and I think it's a good step for building trust.

Sleep: day 33
Slept well, but woke up a few times.

Healthy eating: day 35
No sugar yesterday. Worked great. Easier than I thought.

Cold showers: day 81
We keep on going.

 

Day 182

Decided to bring my focus more on the development of my personal skills. Was first busy cranking out practice cases, but I think I have the hang of it after half a year. It is important that I set the next step in my communication so that I can bridge the gap that I have built up over the years. It was never my strong suit (neither my father's) to communicate about one's feelings. Not in a business setting, but also especially not in a private setting. However, it is both of vital importance.

Took my girl out for dinner. She didn't expect it, but she found out when I sent her my daily browser history overview. She liked it very much.

Work-out: day 75
Did my workout, my shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Works really well! Happy to be getting some push ups in.

Walk: day 82
Got my lunch walk and my evening stroll in.

Screentime: day 82
Watched 25 minutes of Netflix, 1:11 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 12 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 79
It works really well to be at the forefront of truth building and to also plan nice dates for each other. I see myself as the one who has to win her back, so I feel I have to show initiative to take her out and surprise her.

Meditation: day 172
Two sessions of meditation. 20 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 182
Read in Worthy of her Trust about being intimate. We usually mean having sex when we speak of being intimate, but the writer speaks about so much more. He speaks about intimacy as 'into-me-see' and says that true intimacy is not just sex, but sharing your hopes, dreams, thoughts, insecurities and the like that build a bond together. That bond leads to a feeling of mutual safety and may lead to sex. I've recently learned to see sex as the cream on the intimacy cake. It's not to be expected and in order to really be intimate you both need to be mentally present.

Sleep: day 34
Slept well, but woke up a few times.

Healthy eating: day 36
No sugar at first, but then I got hangry when picking up my girl. She brought cookies, so we ate these in the car.

Cold showers: day 82
I now practice to turn on the shower, do my push ups and jump in right away.

 

Day 183

Yesterday was the first day that I decided to let go of my practice cases. My girl and I talked through what I would do instead and my girl had some nice ideas. I furthermore read a lot and did my homework in anticipation of my coaching coming Monday.

Work-out: day 76
My Workout, shower push ups and toilet push ups are all done! I want to buy a bench so I can bench press a bag of cat litter at home, but those benches are expensive.

Walk: day 83
Trying to get 6K steps in and I already succeeded for 4 days. Took a longer lunch walk and an extensive evening stroll.

Screentime: day 83
Watched 30 minutes of Netflix, 3:34 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl, but she sent me pictures for my homework which I studied) and 34 minutes on the Internet (made two recipes and had to look for them online).

Communication: day 80
Yesterday I asked her for advice on certain matters I had difficulty with and my girl appreciated that. She felt taken seriously. She feels like we are more and more becoming a team that goes through life together.

Meditation: day 173
Three sessions of meditation. 40 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 183
Read in Worthy of her Trust about being intimate. The writer identified many kinds of intimacy where sex is only one of them. Physical touch, sweet words, physical proximity, doing nice things together are other forms of intimacy. When a partner has been betrayed, none of those forms of intimacy is there and it needs to be built from the ground up. Also read about the importance of steady accountability groups where you help each other further for long periods of time.

Sleep: day 35
Slept well, but woke up one time.

Healthy eating: day 37
No sugar! Had a low FODMAP dinner, but I was still very hungry. Went to.the grocery store and made myself a burger.

Cold showers: day 83
I do whatever I need to do to get under that shower immediately. And to.stay there.

 

Day 184

Spent a big part of the day with my family. Took my girl to see my parents and we had a great time. Also had the opportunity to walk in the woods before dinner. This was good, as we have been sitting for big part of the day.

Work-out: day 77
Didn't have the time to do my workout, but I had done my shower and toilet push ups.

Walk: day 84
Trying to get 6K steps in. Also succeeded yesterday and had 5 consecutive days where I walked 6K steps. Didn't do my lunch walk, but did do my evening stroll and of course the walk in the woods.

Screentime: day 84
Watched 45 minutes of Netflix, 0:39 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 7 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 81
Had to think of the book Worthy of Her Trust and practiced to be as specific as possible when communicating with my girl about something. I reminded myself to answer the following questions in speaking to my girl: Who did it, what was done, how was it done, why was it done, where was it done. This really helped and my girl appreciated the transparency and candour.

Meditation: day 174
Two sessions of meditation. 21 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 184
Read in Worthy of her Trust about being specific and had already mentioned it in Communication. I want to be as specific and as transparent as I can. I know I can be specific when I answer as many questions on the forehand as I can. If I don't know anymore, I say what I think, but that I actually don't know anymore, so.it could be inaccurate.

Sleep: day 36
Slept like a King, but had a really weird dream.

Healthy eating: day 38
Yesterday was a sugar day and I loved it. Had some nice treats and a sugary sweet dessert after dinner. Was hangry a few times yesterday. Need to take better care of myself

Cold showers: day 84
Cut down the time it takes to get under the shower.

 

Day 185

Met with my girl at 12:30 yesterday, so we were able to spend some time together. We had a nice and quiet day. Lots of sweet kisses and intimacy.

Work-out: day 78
Did my workout, my shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Did my workout later than planned.

Walk: day 85
Trying to get 6K steps in, but did not succeed. Almost. No lunch walk. But my girl and I did an evening stroll.

Screentime: day 85
Watched 55 minutes of Netflix, 0:38 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 6 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 82
I notice it's easy for me to become hangry. I need to take this into account and give some warning signals before I start to flame because of stupid things that happen. By the way, clear communication is not easy when hangry. Might need to eat better meals which fill me better.

Meditation: day 175
Two sessions of meditation. 32 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 185
An addiction of 20+ years will not be gone in a short while. I'm a bit more than half a year under way, but still think it needs lots of time. It takes discipline in many different ways to be able to stick with your plan. It is even more difficult when you consider that the brain of addicts is programmed to give into the addiction. You need to actively overwrite your cravings with what you want to become instead.

Sleep: day 37
Slept like a King.

Healthy eating: day 39
Had a sugar day yesterday and switched it with today, as I became irritable due to low blood sugar.

Cold showers: day 85
Everything under control.

 

Day 186

Had a good sunday. Easy day. Filled with cleaning and a meeting in the afternoon. My girl took a trip with her younger brother and spent part of the day sending me messages.

Work-out: day 79
Did my shower push ups and my toilet push ups. Still works really well.

Walk: day 86
Trying to get 6K steps in, but did move that much yesterday. Didn't succeed. Only did an elaborate evening walk. Had 3K steps in nevertheless!

Screentime: day 86
Watched 60 minutes of Netflix, 1:36 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 8 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 83
My girl confronted me when I sent her a gif, because I'm perpetuating search behavior that, in the past, led me to PMO. Now it of course doesn't anymore, but I saw that this same behavior of searching was happening. I stopped it immediately and decided not using gifs in Whatsapp anymore.

Meditation: day 176
Three sessions of meditation and I almost fell asleep in the evening meditation. 42 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 186
Read in Worthy of her Trust. The writer acknowledges the detrimental effects of social media and feeding a lust addiction. It was proven in a 2010 study of Divorce Lawyers that at least 81% of the divorce cases used evidence found on social networking sites.

Sleep: day 38
Slept great. Went to bed really nicely on time

Healthy eating: day 40
No sugar day yesterday and was able to stick to that. Had a good, low FODMAP meal.

Cold showers: day 86
I'm wide awake when I jump under the cold shower. Much better than any cup of coffee.

 

Day 187

Had a coaching day yesterday. Was enthusiastic after meeting my coach and I wanted to share that with my girl. However, she was annoyed and concerned that I would go with anything that is exciting. Instead, she asked me to take it with a grain of salt and take from it what I can regarding this journey that I'm on. Of course I couldn't really take it in, but I quieted down and we could have a conversation about it.

Work-out: day 80
Did my workout, shower push ups and toilet push ups, but decided to add 1 rep. So instead of 10 push ups before my shower, I will do 11 reps. And instead of 1 push up before going to the toilet, I will do 2 push ups.

Walk: day 87
Had a long lunch walk and quite the extensive evening stroll. Had my 6K steps in again and that works really well to keep on moving.

Screentime: day 87
Watched 30 minutes of Netflix, 1:49 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl) and 8 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 84
My girl confronted me with pleasing behavior towards my coach. I was too open and she was right. She instead asked me to take.it with a grain of salt and see what I could use from it. The businesscoach can give me some new ideas, but she can't save me. Only I can save myself. Realizing this and realizing that too much focus on this will not benefit me (with my ADHD brain, a little already becomes too much), I need to navigate myself more clear from the things that steer me away from my focus on the PMO process.

Meditation: day 177
Two sessions of meditation. 31 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 187
Read in Worthy of her Trust. The writer speaks about many ways to rebuild trust with your lady, but I felt it needed acting upon. I wrote down many things I could practice on a day to day basis. I have made it small enough so that I can practice it regularly. From there it may grow.

Sleep: day 39
Slept well, but woke up a few times. Was wide awake at 5:10 AM, so was still snoozing until 6 AM and woke up.

Healthy eating: day 41
Had a sugar day yesterday and boy did I regret it. I was looking forward to eating a delicious white chocolate raspberry cookie, but I got a lot of stomach pain from it. Not to mention, I also had enough wind to blow a medium sized sailboat to the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Holy Christmas.

Cold showers: day 87
Whenever I step under the shower, I have made it a practice for myself to turn the shower colder 3 times. Whenever I get used to the cold water, I turn it colder.

 

Day 188

Had an unexpectedly full day. Helped my sweet girlfriend with some precarious business emails. We spent about 3 hours typing a mail that had to leave asap. We pushed through but we made it. Picked her up later, ate together and were intimate.

Work-out: day 81
Doing my workout and my new and improved shower and toilet push ups. Works like a charm.

Walk: day 88
Unfortunately moved a bit less yesterday. Spent a long time preparing dinner with my girl, so we didn't have time to go for an extensive walk.

Screentime: day 88
Watched 50 minutes of Netflix, 3:33 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl about the email) and 6 minutes on the Internet.

Communication: day 85
I made myself available to my girl yesterday. When she said that she needed me to help her with her email, I helped typing it out as long as it was necessary. It was very important to approach the situation carefully, but to be complete I'm the communication.

Meditation: day 178
Two sessions of meditation. 21 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 188
Read in Worthy of her Trust. It speaks about moments of self-preservation at the expense of your lady. When you lash out or push back to your lady when she gives you a hard time, this is self-preservation. Doing PMO when you are in a relationship is self-preservation. An important part of healing for both parties is paying restitution. And your restitution is to give up your self-preservation, as you made the choice to betray her at an earlier stage. Real and constant restitution will help the lady think that you are serious with her and gives her a sense of protection again.

Sleep: day 40
Didn't sleep so well. A bit short

Healthy eating: day 42
No sugar day. I don't mind anymore. The cookie from 2 days ago left a lasting impression.

Cold showers: day 88
I continue to practice turning the dial colder. Again, 3 moments in my shower where I turn the dial colder.

 

Day 189

Yesterday was a day where there, unfortunately, were more precarious business emails needed for my girlfriend. We spoke it through and I told her that anybody else would've just quit. However, she just keeps on rolling. In the past, I would retreat and do PMO if things got tough. I learn from my girl how to be when the sht hits the fan.

Work-out: day 82
Did my workout, the shower push ups and the toilet push ups.

Walk: day 89
Took my lunch walk and walked to the bakery. Also did an evening stroll in the evening and hit 6K steps again.

Screentime: day 89
Watched 45 minutes of Netflix, 3:50 hours on Whatsapp (chatting with my girl about the email) and 28 minutes on the Internet (looking for new books to read).

Communication: day 86
My girl let me know that there was an instance where I didn't communicate clearly. She asked me to fill in the blanks that she had in her mind, and it was good practice. We looked for new books about building self esteem and rebuilding trust after sexual betrayal. She had a list on NoFap and she checked it. It also rehashed some difficult communication that we had in the past. I felt angry and indignant, but I let it pass. I considered that I'm now somewhere else. My girl appreciated that.

Meditation: day 179
Two sessions of meditation. 34 mins of meditation.

PMO Study: day 189
Read in Worthy of her Trust. I'm almost reaching the end of the book. The writer is closing off his book by explaining his Amends Matrix. If you make amends in a conscious and transparent manner, it really helps both parties heal from sexual betrayal. Not at the point yet that I see how to.structure the amends, but I think it will become clear to me soon enough.

Sleep: day 42
Slept well. Woke up at 2 AM to take a pee.

Healthy eating: day 43
I had an unofficial sugar day yesterday. Meaning that it has been a sugar day in the past, but not anymore. I gave myself space to eat something sweet if I needed it, but I didn't need it.

Cold showers: day 89
My practice goes really well. I can go colder and colder

 

Guys, I've decided to stop posting here. Instead, I'll keep on posting in an accountability thread and in my own journal. I'll share the link later so you can have a look from time to time.