NoFAP: A gigantic challenge

Congratulations on your 40 days, I pray for another 40 and more!

Sadly, we are wounded by nature but I like to think of St. Francis of Assisi’s name he gave to his body; he called his body Brother Ass (Jackass/Donkey). It’s a great name since no one would hate a donkey, despite that they can be frustrating sometimes. When Brother Ass acts up you have to patiently remind him who’s in charge and other times you can reward him for a job well done.

In all things we can thank God for Brother Ass and the opportunities he gives us to practice love and virtue!

 

The key is in the “but little prayer”. Sin will be storming a fortress that is little guarded by prayer. Increase prayer, and sin will abate. Avoid occasions; if your device or phone is one of them, create some distance for a bit.

If there is one thing I’ve been learning it’s that no amount of prayer will help if I choose to keep myself around occasions of sin. Peter himself saw the transfiguration and this didn’t help him when he put himself in an occasion of sin by following Jesus even though he was not strong enough, due to his lack of prayer in the garden, to not deny Jesus when interrogated by a servant girl in the courtyard.

 

I expect that we have all made that mistake and in part it can come from counting days without PMO instead of counting days with unbroken adherence to commitment to sincere prayer from the heart and controlling one's gaze. I got some benefit from counting days free from PMO but like you, it became something of a trap. The more the days mounted, the more I was convinced I was reaching some sort of physical limit.

It is not wrong to count days free from PMO but it is not as helpful as counting consecutive days that you stick to your plan. In this way, you are more likely to stay on track.

I love our Catholic faith and I love our Catholic prayers but I fell into the trap of repeating them by rote instead of praying them thoughtfully from my heart. Eventually, I stopped praying all together because I got nothing from praying by rote. That caused me to drop my guard and predictably it was a matter of days until I relapsed.

 

Prayer can take on many forms; there is vocal prayers (rosary, chaplets, novenas, etc) and there is mental prayer (mediation/contemplation).

By going deeper into mental prayer we improve our vocal prayers, as we become better at remaining focused.

Some good books on mental prayer are:

• “The Ways of Mental Prayer” by Lehody (It’s good but dry).
• “Conversations with Christ; The Teachings of St. Teresa of Avila about Personal Prayer” by Fr. Rorhbach
• “The Way of Salvation and Perfection” by St. Alphonsus

I’m sure there are more, but those are some that have helped me in my journey of personal mental prayer.

Another great book, which isn’t a treatise on prayer but has helped me, is the diary “He and I” by Gabrielle Bossis. It’s helped me talk to Jesus more personally just reading how He interacted with her.

 

"Have you been violently tempted in these months (or years) of no PM?" Yes, but fortunately such intense temptation have become very rare. I cannot put an exact timing on it but I recall that at 200 days free I realized that I was no longer having frequent and intense temptations. I have spent a great deal of time, thinking about cause and effect in this matter. I wish I could offer a simple one or two step solution but I can only say that I haven't found a permanent cure. I suspect that God allows me to be tempted from time to time so that I will not forget how dependent I am on His grace. When I become cocky and start to believe that I (emphasis on I) have conquered this addiction, history indicates that I am on very dangerous ground.

"have you sometimes found yourself having withdrawal symptoms?
For example, now after 20 - 22 days of noPM I find myself very restless and irritable."
Yes but there did come a point where these faded away. I cannot say that I am never restless and irritable anymore but I can say that it is no longer caused by withdrawal symptoms. I don't recall exactly but I would say this occurred around 30 to 50 days free.

Perhaps the one most powerful thing I can offer is that I know that a lack of quality time spent with Our Lord leaves me vulnerable to temptation. I have a book entitled "Pray with the Heart" by Fr. Slavko Barbaric. I bought it in Medjugorje many years ago. Contained within it is a chapter on praying during Blessed Adoration. I frequently take this with me to spend time with Our Lord in Blessed Adoration. Afterwards, I feel like I have been given a big boost of quiet joy and a shield from temptation. When I do this on a weekly basis, the struggle is much easier.

I would also add that the book "Spiritual Combat" is a far more complete and useful guide to sobriety than my words of advice. There is an incredible amount of wisdom there.

May God bless you today with the determination to spend an hour in Blessed Adoration as soon as possible.

 

I hope my experience is helpful to you and everyone who reads what we both written here. I don't wish to sugar coat my experience but I can say with all honesty that life is better without PMO in almost every respect.

 

Beautiful! Thank you!

 

I hope your copy comes with an additional section entitled: "A Treatise on Peace of Soul". My apologies, I should have suggested that you look for this version. I haven't paid enough attention to this beautiful and incredibly helpful section of the book until recently but I was compelled to read some of it last Saturday while sitting in Holy Adoration. Wonderful! I am still filled with peace and joy thanks to the words there.

 

This is best piece of advice I've seen.

 

I have been there too. Once it was the 30 day mark and then I fell. In a later attempt, I managed 90 days and then I fell and the same with 180 days.

I can see now that there is some usefulness in keeping track of days free from this sin as a goal but it is also a temptation to take pride in MY accomplishment while at the same time diminishing God's role in my freedom. Today, I think that it is by recognizing how weak we are to resist temptation and thus learning to call on God, constantly, that we gain true self-knowledge and lasting success in the battle. This realisation takes the power out of the temptations that come as we cross a milestone.

 

Congratulations on 50 days. Of course the fall is maddening for you but now you know you are capable of this and more.

I think counting days is still a good tool although it can become a pitfall so one must see it for what it is. Personally, I am trying to count days where I have adhered to my action plan for a clean heart. My record of that is pretty dismal but I haven't given up.

 

Well done on making it 50 days. Make acts of hope as God can and will help you carry this cross.

As for counting days, yes, it can be helpful in seeing progress or problem areas; however, lately I have found day counters to be counter productive. For me, just making note of my "resurrection date" and then forgetting about it from there has been the best approach. Whenever I want to check the amount of days, I can simply go to Google and type "how many days since x date". Now if you want the counter visible for an accountability group, then I'm all for it. But other than that, I just see them as a useless tool on this site.