Many years of failure. Appreciate any tips

Go on intermitten fasting. It lowers your libido.

 

Do you use social media?
Do you spend time in sexual thought or fantasy throughout the day?

 

yes, funny enough i started nofap not with desire to do nofap, but because i watched huberman on intermitten fasting. after doing it for literally 3 days(with 6 hours feeding window) i realised that i don't want fap anymore. now i'm at 160+ days full hardmode

 

In my experience I have not met a single PMO addict that's long-term sober that still casually browses social media

Just food for thought

 

That's a tough one.

In my opinion, video games can be a separate addiction. some people can play video games and maintain abstinence.

I personally stay away from video games because I was addicted to games almost as badly as P.
Also, I am 40 years old lol. I had to give up games. modern video games are a cheap dopamine factory. They are not very healthy in my opinion.

But social media is much more dangerous in my experience. It can lead directly to relapse with the PMO addiction almost every time.

 

One thing I have done that has helped me out is to institute a penalty system when I watch porn. I've had to modify it over the years and it contains things that would just be the worst (legal) things to do in my opinion and are contradictory to current goals that i have.

For example my current penalty system is the following:
1. 3000 calories of bad food to be consumed the day I use porn and the next day. By bad food I mean stuff I do not enjoy and is not healthy for you. I love going to the gym and am currently trying to lose weight so this penalty would not help with that current goal.
2. No activity for the rest of the day and the next day. This penalty also ties into trying to lose weight. By no activity I mean no working out and nothing social. I am currently in a bowling league on Tuesday nights. So if I consume porn on a Monday then I can't go bowling, which I enjoy. I also love playing softball and I play in several leagues so this penalty will be really important when the seasons start because I would not want to miss a game because I watched porn.
3. Donation of $500 to political parties. Alternate between parties. I could not imagine giving money to these fools. Plus I am currently trying to save money and build up my account.
4. If porn consumption is going to happen must be done on cam site where I will spend $200. This one ties into the prior penalty and the first one. I figure the food in penalty #1 will cost about $30, so for 2 days that's $60. Plus the $500 donation, plus the $200 to cam sites and now I am over $700 for one consumption of porn. Not worth it at all.

I'm not saying a penalty system is perfect at all and is easily avoidable if I wanted to just ignore it, but it currently works for me and has led to my longest streak of over a month without porn. And I'm someone that has been addicted to porn for more then half my life.

 

I've easily spent that much on cam sites in the past. That's where my addiction led me and I fell hard into the cam site addiction. I have not been on a cam site since 2022. Seeing that I spent close to $10K on cam sites in 2 years was enough of a shock to get me to quit. For a while I had a post it note with $10,000 written on it and taped to my computer as a reminder any time I thought about visiting a cam site. Seeing the dollar amount was enough to keep me away in the beginning but I started watching free porn at that point in time.

 

I use FB for work occasionally. It's not a personal account, just a "dummy" account with no preferences. It's automatically populated by Facebook with their recommendations. Virtually every third recommendation on this Facebook account is a scantily clad female. Facebook is real addictive trash. I only use it for work and after bookending with my recovery buddy.

Look up a book called "Dopamine nation" or a Huberman podcast with the book author. It helped me.

Hope you recover. The only way I stay abstinent on the internet long-term is using strict boundaries. I don't have filters or anything. God has the power to free us from this sickness.

 

I've been there -- also putting thousands on a credit card because I was addicted to the quick hits of attention from people on cam. I crossed a costly line in 2021 when I started to go to cam sites. Stay strong. I'm currently porn free for a couple weeks.

 

Sounds like you've got several great things going for you, which is a huge help--most addicts stay stuck because they don't fill the gap left by porn with meaningful replacements.

A lot of people roll their eyes at this suggestion, but have you used any porn blockers or filters? I can only speak for myself, but I find it's nearly impossible for me to stay sober when I have a completely unfiltered internet connection in my pocket, available at all times.

 

Are you an iPhone user, or Android?

Remember, a filter isn't meant to do the job for you. And you're right, most filters can be circumvented. But at least it forces you to be intentional about circumventing it--and hopefully that provides enough of a speed-bump for you to say, "wait a minute ... am I sure I want to do this? Is this what's going to help me live my best life and feel good about myself?" And of course you know the answer to that question.