day 12. harder than I thought.

Hi kamado86, have a read of my journal.

Similar situation.

What got me through was the realisation that my mood was being influenced by an imbalance of chemicals.

That's all it is. And it will pass.

 

Here you go:

http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/i-have-begun-my-journey-day-59.49352/

I hope you find something helpful

 

Hey man, first of all don't say sorry if you didn't do anything wrong (which you didn't, these forums are for us to tell our stories, both happy and sad), it conditions our brains that we are making mistakes and aren't successful. I didn't realize this until my sister interrupted me and told me the exact same thing, which is when I realized I say it way too much, when in fact I didn't do anything wrong. I've been conditioned, by myself, that I fail at a lot of what I do, which is false, I just fail to realize and celebrate my successes.

Now that aside, I am right there with you. 28, started at 18, so roughly 10 years for me too. I also had another addiction related to money. Instead of gambling it was purchasing way too many useless items (and porn, ugh! lol) for my own fulfillment and enjoyment, when in reality I didn't need them and was wasting my money that I should have been putting into bank accounts to save up for the future. That addiction, coupled with the pmo addiction, blinded me and I basically lived in my own little world, without any care for others.

You're on the right path though, and be prepared for hell. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do in my life, but I welcome it because it's going to make me a stronger and better man when I come out of the fire. You have to embrace and accept that this is going to be hard, and start to make other changes in your life. You need to find replacements for pmo. Right now for me it's working out more, but I will probably take up painting again.

I do agree it's hard to see others our age, or even younger than us, doing so much with their lives, but instead of getting upset at ourselves that we aren't in their shoes, use it as motivation to get out there and make that for ourselves. I've learned that nothing worth having comes to us, we have to go after it. One thing I stubbornly told myself is, why can't the girl start up the conversation, why does it always have to be me? Well, history has told me that I have to put on my big boy pants and act like a man, and to not expect someone else to magically come in my life. If I want it, I gotta earn it.