Becoming humble

I wanted to talk today about a personal problem Ive faced that has coincided my PMO addiction, and had a symbiotic relationship with it. That problem is narcissism. I wouldn't call myself a narcissist, but I would say I have narcissistic tendencies. The reason for that, is that growing up until about 8th grade- I was severely bullied, and even prior to that I was a tad arrogant. What had happened, was that I was bullied so bad, I receded into my own head enough to start to think that I was better, that I was so great, and I could not have my faults. I had a more perfect vision of myself in my head than most people had of themselves. My narcissistic tendencies though were only there to cover up how I really felt, deep down. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I felt like shit about myself. I hated when I made mistakes, I hated when anyone pointed out a fault in my doings or practices, etc. Naturally, when I began to get addicted to PMO this only fueled this, and they began their symbiotic relationship to eachother. My PMO addiction was a way to turn away from problems I was having and get a quick fix, thus avoiding trying to correct problematic thoughts and behaviors, and my narcissism further pushed me into the addiction.


When I began to stop this, I noticed my thoughts more, and have been stopping myself more and more. "Is this REALLY how things are? Or am I just being immature?" Of course, it's usually the latter, and I lighten up. I recognize that I have demons to face, and they stem from the fact that I didn't have a great childhood. That's okay though, that's why I'm here. I'm here to make a new me.