So far so good..

I've been free for a couple of weeks almost now and honestly it's been great. Way more free time and I actually spent my time doing productive things (mostly). Even made quite a few internet friends. Not to mention I had much more clarity.

But like as of 10 minutes ago, the urges are creeping up slowly. Don't have anyone to talk to either so I'm here :/

If anyone's seeing this I just wanna talk for a while. That's all.

Also, if I'm not too busy, I might post updates in this thread as the days go on.

 

Thanks Jiten! See, the thing is sometimes I feel like that, motivated even to quit this. But lately, I guess the fact that I haven't been studying has made me more sad and there's just this spiral of depression that results in me wanting to go back to this habit.

I hope I can be more active on here for a while, at least until I am confident I can last without having to come back to this site.

I know I probably sound whiny and I apologize for that, but posting here is the only thing keeping me from not doing it right now. Also, if anyone has any ideas as to what i can do when I feel these urges creeping up, I'd really appreciate it. 'Cause in the moment I just get lost sometimes and a few minutes later I wake up from this trance after I'm done, feeling awful and there's nothing I can do about it.

Please feel free to share your thoughts on this thread, no matter what they are

 

Okay so I still haven't PMO'd yet which is a good thing.

But these urges are seriously starting to get to me. I have a couple of the hardest exams tomorrow for which I really need to be studying for. But these urges are making it difficult to sit down and concentrate, which in turn makes me feel bad and want to do it even more (

Nevertheless, I'm holding on. Just wish I could actually study and not despair.

Advice is always appreciated!

 

14 days and still going!
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This is really amazing for me. I'm so glad and thankful to have made it to TWO WHOLE WEEKS!
Might not sound impressive to some of you but this is huge for me.

I'm starting to study more too and have way more time on my hands. I'm thinking of starting a stricter exercise plan maybe (I have one right now, but I'm following it pretty loosely) as well.

Stay strong peeps!

 

That actually sounds like a good idea. Unfortunately, I have to study right now ('cause exams) so I spend most of my time cooped up in my room. But I think I'll start maybe taking short walks every now and then.

Thanks!

 

I'm glad to hear you didn't relapse.
But I don't think it is gonna be possible to go outside every time I feel the urge (although I will try). Maybe start by going out of my room at least. Also, cold showers sound like a good idea after all I've heard about them; I think I might take it up soon.

 

Okay so here's an update:

I had my exam today, went alright I guess.

PMO hadn't really crossed my mind much until like 5 minutes ago when I (almost) searched for videos. But I came back here so I guess that's a good sign.

I have like a week break before the next exam so this part might be a little tough, but I have to keep telling myself I can make it.

And @nopenotdoinit! , I really appreciate your advice. I'm gonna do it starting now.

Peace out for now!

 

@Kman20 and @Janek85 , thanks for the support guys. You have no idea how much power, even a single encouraging word has, to make me feel better and more determined to continue on this path.

But anyway, here's the update:

Still going strong and haven't had any serious urges since the last time I posted here. However, I'm beginning to feel like today might not go so well.

I don't really want to do it, but I'm home alone and like 95% of the time when I'm home alone it happens. And to top it off, it's like a thousand degrees outside (okay 40+, but that's still too hot), so I can't really take a walk (and no cold showers either cause the water's hot too)

My brain keeps telling me just one time won't hurt, even though I know exactly how bad it hurts. For now, I'm able to suppress this feeling but I'm not so sure I can once I actually start to want to do it. Aaaaaahhh! This sucks.

 

Yeah :/

But we can do this together. Stay strong!

 

Welp, back at day 1 again. I feel like I just kind of gave up more than the urge being too much - 'cause I feel like I could've controlled it if I put my mind to it.

But that's besides the point. What I've got to focus on now is improving myself from here on out. No more relapsing for me. I felt like absolute garbage when I was done but here's to making ourselves better!

Cheers!