Should I start going on hookup sites?

Be honest, did you get PIED first time because fetishes, dead grip or just because you masturbated too much to normal (nofetish) porn? I found the third option very hard to believe.

 

@TrueHuman depends on what your goals were for your reboot. If you are asking the question on here are you confident you can avoid reverting back to your former self that said you needed to stop and reboot?
Like @JustinX be honest with yourself, reevaluate your goals, and if you want to go out and have some fun where it won't be at your own personal expense later (or another's) then go ahead, be an adult.

 

Then go for it. Just remember that if you jerk off your erections will be weaker

 

Real women met in real situations - not via thumbnails etc. Others have cum unstuck searching such sites.

Btw, why do you have a picture glorifying guns in your signature?

 

It could or could not be a p-sub for you. It depends from person to person what we find to be a p-sub. If you look at them with intention to be sexually turned on then I would call it a p-sub. If the intention is not to replace porn but something else, like meeting people in this case, and it just happens to have negative side effect of turning you on, which you can keep in control and not indulge in, then it might not be a p-substitute for you. For me it can be a p-sub if I go there without intention to meet somebody but just to look, and not follow up. But other times it has not been a p-sub for me, it has been just a convenient tool. So I think it also depends from situation what kind of effect it will have on you. And from intention, whether it will be a p-sub for you.

As far as using dating sites to hook up, I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as you can safely handle that without it causing you to relapse or without it becoming a substitute for porn. Also as long as you are using it as a means to meet real person and not a substitute for real person. Go for it, try it out.

 

You're weak to even think that. Real talk. Let the water flow my friend, don't make dams where you know you don't give a damn. You will get with real women, when your magnetic personality attracts them. If you obsess on this, they'll run in the other direction. But if you just be... it's easy peazy lemon squeezy.

 

Flow? I don't think he's water. He seems more like a rock to me. Hahaha! Maybe fire. Hard to tell. But definitely not air or water...

All that self actualization is good stuff. But meanwhile, while we work on our magneticity, we still have to get laid ya know.

 

Hahahah shugi!! Cmon I was talking to the water WITHIN him. But I like that you carried that reference on my man! We don't HAVE to get laid guys. I mean.. don't get me wrong, I want to.. like sometimes REALLY want to get laid still, coming on here... we should realize that life is bigger than sex and getting laid. It's all up here *points to our minds.. and in here *points to heart. Not saying that if you manage to get a girl in the sack, the healthy way... I guess I just set myself up for failure I refrain until all possible sexual height of the situation is present. This may take months to develop. But Im a long term kind of guy. So.. maybe little out of this thread's topic here. Just saying... be a man before you try to show anyone anything or prove a point.

 

ok, be aware of std. i never think that kind of sites is safe, unless they have health certificate.

 

@MoTWoL is right. Be a man. Life definitely doesn't revolve around sex. I'm a "wait till marriage" kind of guy, and I know very few if any of you could roll with that, but those hookup sites are nothing but sleezy and I fear they will bring out the worst in you. Like maybe the PMO side? Just my opinion. It definitely won't bring you closer to finding a healthy relationship.

 

If you guys want to turn sex into a spiritual thing then go on. That's your choice. I know that's not something I want to do, at least not for the time being. I don't know about OP tho, but it sounds like he doesn't either, judging by what he is writing. But hey, maybe, that's for him to answer. But I personally don't see sex as holy in itself. It's what we make it out to be. In itself it's just a pleasant exchange of fluids for the reason of reproduction.

Working on myself is all fine and dandy, that's a major focus of my life in fact. Life certainly does not revolve around sex. But there is time for everything. Why make everything about personal development? Sometimes we just need to relax and have some silly, meaningless fun. I am working on 99 problems... nam sayin'? Maybe it's the very insignificance of sex and women to me in my life right now that lets me look at getting laid as meaningless fun. I think if I would value the idea of having a women and relationship in my life more I would be against casual hook ups as well. But I don't.

 

Obviously this is just my opinion, but for the vast majority of us that are addicted to p and m it is used as a coping mechanism for underlying and root issues (many times that start in childhood). Then we found p and m and started using that as a quick fix way of self-medicating whenever we wanted to feel better. We use things like PMO (and other quick fixes too like food, alcohol, drugs, working, gambling, sex, etc.) when we are feeling down, or unloved, attacked, depressed, or angry, or lonely, or ____ (fill in the blank). Over time we train ourselves that p and m is the go to fix and it eventually becomes an addiction. We think it'll make me feel better but instead only leaves us feeling hollow, more lonely and full of shame afterwards. We are all hard-wired with needs for love, healthy intimacy and connection with other people. These coping mechanisms are just our easy short cut way of trying to get what we desire without having to do the hard work of being vulnerable, real and authentic in a face to face situation with other human beings. Reaching out to others is riskier though. We could be rejected. So instead we turn to ways of meeting those needs on our own, on our terms with out much risk in stead of reaching out to others for help through healthy connection and intimacy.

So back to the original post...I would ask yourself what your motivation for "wanting to get laid" is. Why do you feel the need to "just wanna have sex"? I'm going to deal out a bit of tough love here and I hope you will be open to hearing it knowing that I have good intentions and want the best for you behind saying this. In my humble opinion, there are some root issues or causes that are driving this desire or need. It sounds to me like instead of trying to soothe that with a PMO balm you are just trying to find some other coping mechanism like just getting laid. Aren't you really saying by that "I just need an orgasm"? If so, ask yourself this...why? I think if you are honest with yourself you will recognize that no, you don't really need an orgasm. Is doing this going to cause you to act out with p and m? Maybe, maybe not. But I don't think that should be the measuring stick from which you decide to do this or not. You have legitimate needs for healthy non-sexual intimacy and connection with other people, but do you really think that if you orgasm, and it's as a result of a hook-up with a random person you don't truly care for or love or have any emotional attachment with, that it will satisfy that need? Think back to your past. Has that approach worked for you in the past? Speaking from my experience, that hasn't been the case for me.

So is a random hookup a p substitute? For me the answer to your question is definitely...yes. Stay strong!

 

I know that many people, including the OP, won't agree with this. That's why I said IMO. But I'm still going to give the advice, trusting that whoever reads it has the ability to decide for themselves whether it is meaningful to them. It has worked for me.

Obviously it is his own choice to have meaningless sex right after quitting PMO, but even if not for spiritual reasons, it sounds like he is putting a lot at stake for nothing special at all. For goodness sake, it has the word "meaningless" in the name.

 

@Child of God Stating that it's just your opinion does not make you immune to other people arguing against that opinion, or stating their own opinion which might be in disagreement with yours. That's what this forum is for, to discuss and disagree with each other. That's where all the fun is!

Sure, we have to be careful. Sex can become an addiction and unhealthy escape mechanism just like PMO. Or it might be just healthy amount of fun and relaxation. A lot of things can become destructive if done in a wrong way and for wrong reasons. I am assuming that OP can keep it healthy and have right reasons to want that. And at the same time I see a couple people here assuming that he can't and is doing it for unhealthy reasons. I don't know whether I am right or you guys are. But @TrueHuman should take some time and think about it, not just rely on impulsive desires. We can't get in your head man, it's on you to take responsibility for your choices. I think it's healthy and safe, but I might be wrong.

Many beautiful and fun things worth doing in this world are meaningless. Heck, even existence itself is meaningless in my opinion. What is the purpose of creation?

 

Shugi, try to ditch that existential nihilism, I am trying too. The fact that I struggle with human problems shows that I want to believe and if that makes me a dumbass, hypocrite, whatever, I'm fine... we're worth fighting for. You, me, us... everyone. Life is worth fighting for, struggling, enduring and living. Don't you forget it and I won't either!

 

I really hate this argument. If sex is so overrated then why is contraception provided at taxpayer expense?

 

IMO, natural sex is sex that respects the dignity of the woman you're with. To hookup with someone hardly seems like an improvement over porn, and, at least for me, it would be a porn-sub. I think it's good to have more self respect than to approach sex like that, and I think it'll eventually lead to greater happiness to do it right.

 

I don't want to ditch it. I think existential nihilism is beautiful philosophy. I find it quite liberating. Because it means I can be the architect of my own universe. I can crate my own meaning, build my own castle. Beautiful castle I enjoy and that I'm proud of. And when the time inevitably comes when that castle has to fall apart back into ashes I can forget it, because it never meant anything to begin with. Now isn't that beautiful?

 

This isn't the first time I have had this run-in with you. I want you to understand that though I can argue until I'm blue to the face about my opinion, I am not willing to on this thread. Because it is about this person's recovery and not the "rise of ultimate truth". I believe you should give your advice and save the rest for a rainy day instead of asserting it on poor, bombarded @TrueHuman. He can choose on his own. No need to even address the opinions you don't like. Same goes for all of you, for the sake of the OP. Save it for another place.