I don't want to speak too early in my recovery, but i certainly feel a lot of accommplishment from the past three month's journey. Aside from the lessened desire for PMO, i feel like my urges have become more normal. Although i feel a little bad for having had dreams about someone other than my fiancee, I feel good about the fact that it was my first sexy dream in absolutely months. One of the benefits of my counselling that i hadn't anticipated was a general maturation - growing up and taking responsibility for my actions, realising that casual encounters and a dependency on vices aren't inconsequential and that disease is real. In my Internet-warped my mind, sometimes Ctrl-Z seemed vaguely possible. Really realising these things has brought my human sense of disgust back. Not a judgemental disgust, I'm still libertarian at heart, more of a personal sense of keeping myself from harm. Interestingly, this seems to have been conditioned into me so that when I think of porn now I'm immediately flooded with reminders of where it can lead. I don't want to lose that again. Anyone else relate?
Oh yeah definitely, it gives you a much greater perspective on the fragility of the human condition, as well as an amazing ability to empathise with all kinds of people. We know suffering, and I guess it hurts more now when we see others in pain. I certainly feel more disgust towards porn, I try to think more about the subjects of the film, how it impacts on them, their lives and their opinions of themselves. Whatever the camera shows, you can't trust it. A forced smile here, a moan, these things aren't real. I feel bad for them, that as a viewer, we have absolutely no idea how it's affecting their life. I don't want to be a part of that regardless of whether your 'hit' on the video directly affects them. Just by watching it you're condoning it, and the effect this has on others is almost irrelevant when you consider the implications it has on your own humanity. I'm not a bad person, but by watching this shit, I condone bad actions for my own pleasure. That's not who I am, and that's a huge part of my motivation to quit
I love you bro.Seriously, Its so nice to have found people that are similarly ravaged by their PMO habits. Its hard to talk to people about this stuff.
Society keeps telling us that porn is "healthy". Thats its "natural". Its not. I am so happy to have found you guys. PMO has ruined so much for me, and just might keep me out of med school. I wish I could destroy all porn.
It isnt enough for me to have helped myself anymore. I know the things that go on in sex cinemas and the like and it is so sad to see people slowly killing themselves. I tried to explain it to my therapist and expressed my desire to speak out about it. It would be one hell of a sacrifice in my life, and I don't think I'm quite ready yet to risk damaging my career but I do want to 'go public' at some point. I feel so so strongly about it.
Every time I look up a webcomic or a fanfic that revolves around R34, I feel mentally and spiritually raped. I can't even look at myself in the mirror every time I slip up. It's amazing really, that something as widespread and mainstream as pornography is more addictive and more demoralizing than drugs.
