So I woke up a bit horny, and found it very easy to ignore it. The habbit of satisficing every urge I have as soon as I can (be it eating sweets, watching a movie, calling a friend, or reaching orgasm) is a habbit I shall overcome. And here it's starting to happen. * * * I red somwhere (or maybe was on a TED conference?) about a study that was conducted during many years, they gave kindengarden children a candy (something they REALLY love), and instructions to play some sort of games. The children were told that if they keep the candy intact until after the game (about 90 minutes later) then they'll receive a second candy, and will be allowed to eat them both. The study went on for long years, still is, and findings are that the kids who could postpone the satisfaction of having the candy - were happier and more successful in their adult lives. * * * So... I was about to get up and report here that all's well, when a thought kicked in. There is that woman... it's a long story to explain so I won't. What matters is that she's there, and willing to meet with us with romantic/sexual intents, with or without her husband. Her enthusiasm kicks right in, pushing my buttons, busting my ego. Of course, we are not yet ready to reopen our relationship. The breakup from our four years lovers is a big change in our lives, and before we try anything new again we need to get used to ourselves without them. Anyway, due to this woman's enthusiasm, I found myself picturing how an encounter with her would look like. Graphic imagination. And even though the images were not porn-sexual, they did have a strong sexual dominance scent in the air. Finally I got an almost full erection. Such thoughts are what I categorize as legitimate daydreaming for masturbation during my porn reboot. These thoughts are actually legitimate - period. However, I cannot masturbate this month. This is not a masturbation reboot - I WILL return to masturbation after I do this month, because this is how I believe is right for me. However, today I'm in this no-masturbation month, so I have nothig to do with such thoughts or with the erection they induced. I discovered it became easier, part of a new habbit: I ignored the erection, let my mind wonder to mundane thoughts, and voila! No problem King of my castle, master of my domain
Well, good for you, although I don't quite understand the "woman part", especially the "(...)willing to meet with us with romantic/sexual intents, with or without her husband." one. How could she meet you with romantic intents ALONG WITH HER HUSBAND? As for me, I had something quite the opposite this morning. I allowed my brain to wander around the darkest midst of sexual fantasies (or, more like memories) related to my ex-gf, just to get an erection so I can measure my dick, which I haven't done in ages, because I was curious whether the nofap altered its size. It appeared it got smaller by 2-3 cm. Ouch. But that obviously is no reason for me to get back to the filth of masturbation, and - consequentially - pornography. My exgf, being the unfaithful and treacherous bitch she was, is still a huge sexual trigger to me, especially since she was the only sexual partner in my life (the thoughts of her tits alone actually remain a stronger trigger for me than any porn - at least in the initial phase of binging - then the Coolidge effect kicks in and I crave for more porn). But what I noticed is the longer the nofap streak, the lesser the mind recalls her, so I'm trying to stay clean; although I have my moments of weakness, such as this morning.
Well, easy. We wanted to become swingers. Instead we ended up in a relationship with one couple. For us it was love. Especially for me. You may search the web for POLYAMORY to beter understand. They broke up with us on my 19th day of reboot, and it hurt a lot. This woman I wrote about, they are into swinging too. Never met or seen her though. Quite like you, Iv'e been my whole life only with my wife, for 21 years. We are both faithfull. We decided to swing together, so this is nothing to do with unfaithfullness. We were only with our lovers, and the relationship was deep and lasted 4 years. So alltogether I slept my whole life with 2 women... but did have the rare pleasure of (for example) enjoy a triple kiss with both of them. Gotta tell you... it's nothing like in porn. Actually during our sexual encounters with them, my focus was on my lover, and it wasa hard for me to concentrate on other things. It's not as if a meeting like that became a daily matter - it didn't even get close to that. So when we finaly met, I was crazy with how much I missed her. To summarise: yes, people can be sexual and romantic with more than one person simultaneously. About the size you measured... ridiculous. The penis doesn't change size. It may not become fully erect, but if it does - the size stays the same. Medical fact. And I disagree with you that masturbation (or porn) is filth. It is not. Even the most extreme porn can be beautyful - as long as all the participants enjoy what they do, and have good lives. Sadly this isn't the case, and many women (some guys too) are badly exploited. Most of them are screen-prostitutes with low self esteem, and no other choices on how to conduce their lives. So this is the filth in it. However, I'm not recovering for these women. My motive is much more egoistic. I'm recovering because PORN IS AN ADDICTION and I don't want to be addicted. Stating this, I'm sad to say that I was very close to relapse today. The crave for porn was overwhelming. I'm used to orgasming 3-7 times on a regular day. Usually it would be around 5 times, however I did have a night with 11 orgasms. My body now aches for this drug. For the hormones released on sex. My mind misses the feeling induced by porn. During the last 4 years, much because of the relationship we had, instead of enhancing my sexual reaction to real life (which was fine) it got ruined. Most people don't react this way. I guess my lover had bad effect on me. Our relationship was too complicated, and I had trouble performing with her, although she was... well - everything I could wish for in a woman. I really hope I'll get the happy body-mind sexual feeling from real life with time, because if not... well... I'm not willing to live without sex.
Shit, I'm not sure I follow. I suppose I'm not progressive and open-minded enough for all this fun you were having. As for the medical science on penis sizes - well, perhaps it was the difference in strength of erection indeed, although to my subjective reckoning it was as hard as it could get. I could be wrong, though. I don't care about my penis size that much anyway.
Whenever you get a boner try to tense up your body (i.e: back, legs, glutes, chest, abs etc) so that will facilitate blood-flow towards those muscle groups and therefore some blood from the penis might flow out, softening the erection. It kinda works, at least in my case.
Well done Paul, I agree that pornography can be part of a healthy sex life if you are able to use it in moderation. I was not. But since I've begun my reboot my minds movie theater is starting to work again. The movies that play in my head can be more erotic than anything I've ever found online. It has to because it meets your exact requirements for the perfect scenario. Who knows your likes and dislikes better than you do? As for your marriage, I am glad you are strengthening it before you head out into the swingers scene again. The more you and your wife are secure with each other the better the outcome will be when you start to swing again. Congratulation on making it to day 32. keep up the good work, Geyser
Hard morning. No, no hard-on morning. Just hard. Wife still in period. Both of us are tired and in bad mood for no reason. We don't quarrel or argue. We are afectionate towards each other. There's lot's of love between us. We're just in bad mood. Sad. Too many things to do... we are not functioning well enough. Time to get to my duties. Maybe soon I'll get strong enough to add productivity counters, like your's with the guitar Geyser Ekhangel, it's OK. As long as you don't condemn my open mind, I'm fine with anything. Howevwer, looking at masturbation as filth? why? You must feel very bad with yourself if so. I achieved all my dreams. ALL of them. Yet I have the rst of my life to go. So I need new dreams. Using previous dreams that I ruined (like having the perfect house - but not taking good care of it) and fixing the dream, sustaining the good situation... this is not a good-enough drive for me. I feel like I need a motivation. Currently feeling like in zombie-mode. Not happy Hope to post something different later.
Well, it would be a waste of time arguing over aesthetic tastes. I am personally unable to even imagine willingly sharing my wife with another man, but if you enjoy it, then I don't mind (as long as you maybe don't go on convincing MY (future) wife to do the same). As for masturbation being filth to me, well: the very foundation for my moral perception of life is breeding and raising offspring. Masturbation in my case, due to Coolidge Effect, puts me on a downward slope that in the end always leads towards pornography, which: 1) deprives me of energy and motivation to seek self-development or just look for gf/wife, or - in case I already have a gf/wife and family, it would probably weaken my will and drive to strengthen and maintain family bonds, or just make a good financial living. 2) increases my susceptibility to women that I most likely wouldn't like to spend another night with, after having picked them up at a local club or chatroom. Engaging in such relationships would be for me a waste of time, money and nerves, for the sake of only few empty orgasms without deeper emotions at best. I know many people have lovers, but what I value in women is having something clever to talk about with them, appreciating their character and intellect. You hardly can expect a random club whore to have that - at least I don't see the purpose in seeking for exceptions in this case. Plus, porn could increase my vulnerability towards cheating my own wife, which would certainly be a disaster for my future family - children especially. I find it my highest duty to protect them and provide them with a decent intellectual as well as moral education that will effect in them once founding their own families. What more beautiful to a family man may there than to watch his biological fruit grow up in prosperity and happiness? AND if I didn't yet have a family, then promoting promiscuity in the society would actually decrease chances of eventually finding a woman that would be willing to settle down instead of partying every weekend. And settling down is obviously my aim. 3) fuels the porn industry. You could say that there is "healthy" porn industry with participants perfectly willing to do it. Well, long story short: can never tell for sure. Besides, even if you watch a porn star completely willing to suck 50 dicks a day, still the mechanism of social promotion of whores in the society and thus decreasing the amount of non-whores (it's like the economical mechanism of supply and demand, you know - women adapt to our preferences) kicks in. So, these are my reasons behind avoiding masturbation. Sorry for using pejorative expressions in certain sentences. I don't care for political correctness, and thus you can call me a narrow-minded bigot and hater - no offense taken. I believe in that people of different conduct and ambitions can live in the same society, only duly separated from each other - unlike in the so popular nowadays commie visions of equality.
I understand your motives, and agree to almost everything you wrote. For me, masturbation is NOT a slippery road down to porn. Porn use is one thing, masturbating is another. I find it hard to believe that in the long run I'll settle for one or two orgasms per week. Even three. And I find it hard to believe that my wife and I will want to make it three times a week - every week. But I'm not sure though. Iv'e been living all my life since a tender age with masturbation as a daily routine, just like eating and taking baths. Thet's why I'm trying this month to avoid any kind of self-pleasuring. I want to see what it does to the intensity and frequency of my marital sex. I know for sure she is more than willing. Currently - it's hard. The change in the set of mind is overwhelming, and not for the good meanwhile. The positive part is, that whenever I am with my wife, I focus on her. Never needed thoughts about porn or other fantasies. I'm tottaly engaged in the moment. Regarding my life choices and beliefs, I know I'm on a minority. I know it sounds strange, but I didn't even experience jealousy. You only had one gf, and she cheated on you - and it's the most horrible thing to do. I'd never do it to my wife, nor forgive. We... had 21 years of monogamy. And the last four years we were fidelitous too. Only one couple have been with us. It's not like we were alowed to wonder wherever... We did everything together. And it was very clear where's home, and where's the extra-love. So we had a sensation of stability. Now together 25 years, and with deep loving feelings. We are best friends. I always believed that this is tha basis for longstanding relationships. I read what you write about your wishes to build a family - it's beautyful. Wish you'll find a wife that will also be your best friend.
Ironically, with my abovementioned beliefs, I too often feel marginal, especially among my peers (21 y.o.). As for the rest: well, your case is certainly interesting. It's good you're willing to explore yourself (with putting away heavy dopamine surges for some time). I too wish you fulfillment in your life, whatever you perceive it to be. I myself certainly have much to go through and experience first-hand in life to draw all the necessary conclusions on various things.
