Hello dear fapstronauts, I've been trying trying to get to 30 days of no PMO for 30 days now and progress has been slow. Most I've gone is 8 days before resetting. Usually the first 4-5 days go by fine but after I begin getting incredibly horny. I start thinking about girls all day. I start popping boners everywhere I go (have been using the good ol' backback-on-the-thigh trick from high school). The sexual energy starts feeling forceful and intrusive and it wouldn't go away until I'm rubbing my tool into a sock after finding my relief. I've been trying to meditate and re-channel that energy in times of hardship. However the feeling gets so intense and pungent that I simply get overwhelmed. I've been finding that switching gears and doing something physical is more effective, but unfortunately I can't switch gears when I'm about to hit the pillow. If anyone struggles with intense feelings of horniness I'd love to know what you do to get through the day and especially if anyone experiences that in the morning and at night before going to bed. I'm on day 5 right now and I can already feel the sexual energy rising cheers
Hey dre! For me, I really subscribe to the "if you're busy doing something, you're not thinking about sex" kind of idea. I spend a lot of time these days purposefully doing things, and when I go to bed I think out what I'm going to do the next day. This can be hard for people to start out on sometimes, depending on where you are in your life. I'd advise you to find a passion that you can really dive into, so much that you think about it in your free time. If you don't have a passion, that's ok!!! Spend the next day thinking about what could be your passion, and try it out. Let me know what happens!
Overcoming these urges is of course the challenge of nofap. A great way is to learn relaxation techniques. I made super experiences with self-hypnosis and autogenic training, visualization, meditation. With that, you can learn to let the urge go by within a few minutes. And afterwards, you will feel incredibly strong inside. Also, I think you miss cuddling with a girlfriend. When you are single, you should look for one.
Dre42, You've captured the issue to a tee. So there are many ways to combat this. First, realize that most likely, you are like many of us and possess a high libido and a strong attraction to sex. Feeling comfortable with that, and realizing that is a good thing is a positive step in the right direction. So don't feel ashamed, guilty, or isolated because of this. Next, there are ways to reduce, delay, and deny. It helps to start with clarifying a goal for why you want to change. This has to be a personal reason. It can be something like 'I have a partner, and I want to learn how to have proper sex, without needing props like porn'. You're goal has to be something that you feel, that you connect with. It will be the 'why' that drives you to change. It also helps in that reason if you can set an objective that can be worked towards (something small, but real) which you can travel towards achieving in the near term. (If you want more help in figuring this out, we can discuss it here). But your goal becomes your rock, your base, your point that anchors you toward your change. Next, if you can't do a reboot without masturbation, then masturbate. But do it without porn. Learning how to stimulate yourself without external sounds, senses, pics....is traveling in the right direction. Don't be surprised if in the firs session you can't get there, without trying to remember the last porn you watched. (That's ok). It will get better, as long as you don't use the porn. Later sessions, try not to think about fantasy, or remember porn, and focus only on what is feeling good. (There are toys and lube which are better for you than your own hand). Just realize that if you are trying to combat ED, or arousal issues in the bedroom, that this technique will take longer, and require you to be disciplined when you do masturbation/orgasm. Next, sounds like you are doing a good job of delaying. That is a great positive movement. Honestly, if you can hold that pattern for say a month, then say at the month mark, test to see if you can go one day longer, and then if so, push the pattern around the new length. In short, make your discipline around holding and later extending the pattern. As long as you are being progressive, you are traveling in the right direction. Again, the more you can hold a normal schedule and maintain control, the healthier you are. Finally, if you are absolutely at a wash at trying to not using porn, there are baby steps you can do to 'reduce', and narrow your focus. So, first combating the diversity you have in porn is strong. If you can reduce down to a single movie, and not hit the 'rewind, fast forward, pause', etc. Let the thing play out, without you controlling. Even better, sex therapist believe if you got pics that were zoomed into only showing gentalia, that it's closer to the visuals seen in real life. So not using movies, but single pics, helps narrow focus. If you can't go that far, then use a timer, and say 'yes, I give in, but I'm only going to have 30 or 45mintes, and after that I stop'. Or, I'm not going to go past the first page. Again, whatever you can to step down the intensity, and make it progressive will help. As other mentioned, replacing the habit of PMO of another activity is best method. I find working out and lifting/with cardio work leaves me feeling relaxed and free of urges for many hours. Socializing with people (getting out with friends) also helps relax the tension, and lets me maintain the reality of people vs sexual objects. (I'm also tactile, so I find a platonic hug does alot to kill mystery/sexual tension, and gives me fulfillment. But does require people that are approachable to platonic hugs, and of course got to learn how to give a proper platonic hug). Anything active is good. Passive things like listening to music...tends to make the tension worse for me. (so does watching TV). Might start a journal here if you haven't already. Writing daily offers you a chance to mentally process what you are feeling and to detect trends. You would be amazed what clarity committing something to words so that others can read and comment brings. Meditation doesn't help me with the urges. But it does allow me to be better mindfull of what is going on. It also allows me to be more mentally present when I am intimate with my partner, and practice the ability to push fantasy and porn/erotica memories away when I am. (Can also help those doing masturbation sessions, to do so without porn/erotica) In any case, stay strong. Even 4-5 days is an amazing step towards where you want to go. We are with you.
Do you have way too much free time? Staying busy help along with strenuous exercise/cardio/jogging/running everyday.
As you are going to bed, you can do pushups. If 10 don't help, do 10 more until it dous, and do not rub on the carpet. A regular bedtime routine helps, but is often difficult to follow.
I also feel very horny during my early days of reboot, what i usually do is release my frustration by punching something very hard like a pillow. It can be unhealthy at times but it let's me clear my head. Wish you all the best.
I just meditate. They key for me is to be mindful of being horny and aware of all my urges and thoughts. If we are not aware of all that then it's more likely that we will go into reaction; feeling horny -> thinking of sexy stuff and possibility to PMO -> PMOing. While if we are mindful and aware it crates a gap between feeling and action, and that gap is choice. Kinda like domino falling and triggering next one in reaction chain. If there is big enough gap it won't touch and won't trigger next one. And at that point you have choice whether to make next one fall or not. So if we meditate enough eventually we realize that just because we feel something doesn't mean we have to act on it. So I would just say keep meditating. You just have not meditated enough. Usually it's a slow process, might take a couple of months. And that's if you mediate for minimum of 1 hour a day. If you only meditate for 5 min here and there it might even take a year or two to build your awareness and control up to a level where you can just sit with the feeling, letting it absorb you fully without letting it move you. But once you get there it's the best tool there is for dealing with urges. Also some meditations are better for this than others. For example mindfulness meditation such as Vipassana is better for it than just Zazen where you just force the focus on breath. So just keep meditating, the more the better, stay consistent.
Meditation can greatly help in a long run but I wouldn't recommend meditating when you going through strong urges or withdrawals as you have no control on your mind at such times.
Thanks so much for your advice you guys. I'll summarize below to help me better absorb what you said (1) @Etude21: Stay as busy as possible. Invest into interests, hobbies, and things you always wanted to invest in but never did because you were busy fapping around (2) @SnowWhite: Try spiritual and mental techniques like hypnosis and meditation to strengthen and empower the mind to retain better control over the body (3) @SnowWhite @PostiveChange1974 : Find an area in your life that you want to improve and channel the horniness into it. Maybe your tired of being single. Invest the energy into finding a partner to healthily manifest and release the energy. Maybe you want to improve your body. Invest the energy into exercise. Social recluse? Socialize with people. Give people hugs, etc. It's been argued that sexual energy is the most powerful energy we have available to us. Doing this challenge enables us to utilize it to help improve areas of our life that need work. (4) @PostiveChange1974: nail down your WHY. Be specific--why are you doing this? What are you hoping to get out of this challenge? When times get tough remind yourself your WHY and what will happen if you give in. (5) @PostiveChange1974: lower the bar. Perhaps the goal you chose is a bit too ambitious for where you're at. (This one hit me hard--I've been masturbating steadily for the past 12 years not skipping a day. Perhaps expecting myself to last 90 days all of the sudden is a bit much) (6) @PostiveChange1974: write. When the going gets tough and you're breaking a sweat because you're losing control, open up your NoFap log and write out a quick entry. Perhaps press the panic button while you're at it. Writing out your thoughts and feelings can help come to grip with your state and give you that little extra boost of willpower you so desperately need. (7) @HappyDaysAreHereAgain: diffuse the energy with exercise. If you're feeling tempted, bust out 50 push ups right there and then. Putting your muscles under stress causes the blood to go elsewhere. It also makes you more tired so you can fall asleep easier. (8) @Wasique Safin: punch a pillow. Hard (9) @Shugi Shugi: meditate. Meditation can help to pull yourself out from a reactive state. It might help you become better in tune with yourself and how you're feeling to create a time to allow yourself to make the right decision in the moment. Don't be discouraged if you don't notice benefits right away. It's a powerful technique but it takes time to develop and harness. ==== After reading your guy's responses I realized that there is no one right answer to this question. There are many techniques people employ, ranging from ferociously punching the $%*# out of pillows to quietly meditating on a sun-lit porch at sunrise. During our journey it's important that we experiment, find what works for us, and use it when times get tough. cheers
I disagree. Meditating DURING an urge can actually greatly increase the control. Meditation always come first, control comes second. Just as when doing Yoga: stretching comes first, then flexibility develops. Not the other way around. And just as stretching muscles when they are cramping from too much build up tension can help to relax them, even if there is not high flexibility yet, meditation can help to "stretch" the mind, so it does not run that wild. So that controlling oneself is not that hard or urges themselves are not that strong. I think the best thing a person can do is to meditate WHILE having urges. It takes time to develop control and awareness while in normal non-meditative state. But when meditating it is way easier to build awareness in actual moment. Only difference is that it will be short lasting and will be gone once person stops meditation session. But if there is at least small window of resistance between being horny and triggered action then the best thing one could do at that moment is to meditate.
Try keeping yourself busy. Resisting those crazy urges is all part of the process of becoming mentally stronger. I'm 14 130-140 days right now, I can't be specific because I stopped counting after hitting 90. Being a super horny teenager is not an excuse to relapse, remember your energy is powerful. Keep pushing my friend!
I agree 100%. Meditation during an urge is great. You just need 5-10 minutes, and the urge is gone. And you feel totally strong.
Well we all have different brains so maybe it's different, I don't know. But I think what makes another big difference is the type of meditation one is doing. You mentioned controlling your mind. That to me sounds like one of those meditations which focus on one thing, for example breath, and forcefully tries to suppress thoughts. There is application, time and place for such meditation. And I guess it would be harder to perform when the mind is running wild. But what I am talking about is just mindfulness meditation which does not attempt to control and suppress any thoughts or feelings. Just to objectively observe them without judgement and without acting on them, letting them flow the way they like and being aware of them without indulging in them. So maybe we are talking about different meditation techniques here. I am curious, what is the type of meditation you're doing? Personally I am doing Vipassana meditation.
Perfect, that's exactly also what I am doing. I see you have the same experiences. I agree, "suppressing" is the wrong way. Instead, "letting go" is the way. It's clearing up the mind, like clearing the sky from clouds, and the bright sun is shining again. You feel relaxed and positive, and you are reaching confidently forward in life.
