Advice for a lonely heart?

Hey I'm 30yo but had the same as you. The only thing seems working is feeling that loneliness, mind your own business and do your everyday routine and sometimes share your thoughts on sites like this. One day the right person will come to your life. It's important to live your life instead of being stuck in a waiting mode. I know loneliness is a state of mind only but it's ok to feel those feelings as a part of our human condition. I'm now trying small talk and talking to anyone possible and it helps a little as I think it's also about social skills. I was avoiding small talks as meaningless, now I m trying to ask as much as possible about anything. Also don't wait anyone to ask or connect with you. instead you must do it.

 

just take the principal of that video, sorry about how you feel. It is a good question , healthier ways to deal with loneliness. very good question, I wish I new the answer.

 

Some say "you can find love doing what you love" .

I guess you never know until you try, huh ?

 

I like what the guy earlier said...

We all have those nights where we feel especially lonely.. What helps for me is just hit up some of my buddies and chat a bit about random stuff, just the social contact usually helps me..

That's just personally I don't know about you tho

 

I've found piece in observing my thoughts and feelings and not reacting to them. Let's just face it our minds are trying to protect us from taking risks in order to do so it creates these irrelevant and unecessary thoughts. For example making you think that everyone is out to get u or do you wrong so in reaction to this you isolate yourself and then you feel lonely. You are never lonely there is always someone out there who loves just the way you are or more than you do. Although many times they may be difficult to find or don't know how to show it. Learn to observe your negative thoughts and just observe them. Avoid catching feelings they will drag you to an early grave.

 

@The-O I once heard it said that we came into this world by ourselves and that we will leave this world by ourselves.

We are both in the default state of being alone. While we're alive, some of us will gain lasting companionship; others will not. Statistically, this has to be the case.

Out of approximately 7 billion humans living on this planet we were searching for one who would reciprocate certain emotions. I always find it astonishing that so many people manage to find a partner in the first place. But for many to find someone, there must be some who can't find anyone.

I think that fussing too much about loneliness is resistance against my nature or "place". It wasn't meant to be, and so I possess or lack certain traits which make it not possible to find a partner.

The more I struggle against it, the more miserable I would be. That doesn't mean that we wouldn't feel lonely or miserable. These emotions of loneliness are part of the package. The best we can do is manage it through distractions, work, friends, hobbies, etc.

 

The-O It all comes down to how much value you place in yourself.
When you don't have much self-esteem/confidence you either avoid situations all together and then lack the necessary skills later in life or you choose to be lonely because you feel you can not offer anyone anything.
Everyone can find someone to share their life or a relationship with, I've seen couples that you'd think how the hell did he/she find someone be it being deformed,disibled there is all kinds of disadvantages people have and yet find someone.

My advice would be first and most important switch off the wifi and stop looking for answers on the internet, set weekly exercise goals e.g workout every other day for a week, just work to get little stronger I don't mean get jacked up or even join a gym just do some body weight exercises because feeling stronger makes you start to think stronger about yourself, eat right as much as you can (believe me 4 weeks of eating clean foods you start thinking differently about yourself), social contact however small helps e.g asking the lady who is scanning your items "how her is day going" saying "hello" to someone all will make you feel good about yourself the minute you walk away.
You have to remember to keep it practical like the things I've stated above and take your time building on them each day, before you know it 3 months would of passed and you'll start to feel like you actually want to meet people and socialise.
As generic a statement as this is I believe its true "its in our nature to socialise thats how we've survived for so long" and I think your suffering comes from living life against your inherent needs".

Also all these so say experts you watch on youtube, blogs etc just confuse you because your looking for a definitive answer to a question no one has the answer to, they tell you enough to make you feel better about yourself but never really give you any real world advice.
I learned the hard way I wasted 4 years online looking for answers and it wasn't until I did the right thing by my body did my mind fall into place and all the normal things i envied in others started to happen for me, having my first real relationship at the age of 29 being one of them.
Good luck hope this helps, really important try not to listen to people who validate your situation their only doing it to validate their own insecurities.

A life lived alone you will definitely regret and the pain of changing for the better pales in comparison to realising you could of changed.

 

Accepting, I'm 20 and I have nerver had a girlfriend, only one "affair" with one girl because I was curious and honestly I do not recommend that, in fact, I didn't like that girl, but I force myself to be other guy, one who could "love" that girl, it's horrible. Now I'm working in knowing myself and enjoy who I am, I'm alone, yes, but now I play more the piano, study a bit more, and for the first time of my life sometimes, when I look at me in the mirror I found myself attractive. But this is a long ride that takes time I started this on January and know I'm seeing results, so don't feel bad if you don't see any progress they will came.