Hey guys, thanks for such a warm and welcoming forum. Here's my story… So I'm the oldest of 3, only male and grew up pretty over-weight. I remember the first time I masterbated. It blew my mind! I had heard these guys on the bus talking about putting conditioner on themselves and just going to town until something happened. Curiosity killed the cat. I did the same thing. Once I had this realization that I could make myself feel amazing, I started doing it more and more. I had so many questions. By the time I was in 8th grade I had researched and spent tons of time on masterbation websites and had pretty much decided it was natural and completely healthy. I had a few relationships in middle school, nothing to count really. Then in high school I had my first girlfriend. She was awesome. Everything was great, and we even fooled around a little. We never had intercourse. I was obsessed with dancing and knew I had to follow that dream, so we broke up and I went to a university and majored in dance performance. My relationship to porn at this time was sometime I watched it, but I wasn't super dependent on it. I also was questioning my sexuality at the time. I spent most of my freshman year single, dated two girls, but ended up spending time and falling in love with my best friend. You could say I lost my virginity to him. I was madly in love and hated being gay. Two years later I was a lot more comfortable with myself and I ended up dating a new, amazing guy for almost 3.5 years. It was truly a beautiful relationship, but something inside of me just said, yeah, this isn't the right fit. So we broke up. By this time I was working a lot professionally as a dancer, but suffered a back injury on the job which made me question everything. I never had surgery or injections for my back, I've tried healing holistically. It's been probably the most rewarding thing that could have happened on my spiritual journey. I've recently been working with a holistic healer, and be brought up not masterbating. I'm truly in a better place emotionally and mentally than I've ever been, but I keep hitting walls physically (trying to heal my body, as well as train and lose weight as a dancer) and also financially. My life is very graceful, but I keep hitting these financial walls - it's almost like I can't get in the flow. So I started meditating and have a morning routine of stretches and tea, but I'm just now at the week mark of stopping to masterbate and look at porn. I already feel more alive and calm and centered. I'm scared to death of what the flatline will feel like. I've watched gay and straight porn, and always been fascinated with both, so at this point in my spiritual development, I'm releasing the need to please myself. Releasing the labels and just allowing myself to reboot and allow nature to use every ounce of me - creatively, sexually, as a masculine male dancer, and lover of life and travel. I finally feel liberated from my libido but need some support from guys in this process. Gay, straight, bi - not labeled…just a brotherhood of love in order for me to create more purity and love in my own life, which in turn will effect everyone else. Any support or insight would be greatly appreciated. I've already found cold showers to help, and tensing my whole body when I get an erection and want to get off. I would love to know more about how altering your diet effects testosterone levels and what works. I'm mostly vegetarian. I'm also looking for an accountability partner if anyone is interested.
Hey pal, interesting story, thanks for sharing! I don't really have much to say here, just one thing: don't worry about flatlining too much. Yeah, it sucks, you'll feel down and unmotivated, but it will pass. And the time after that is totally worth it! The feeling of noticing that your body/mind are changing because you're staying away from PMO is amazing! Look forward to it!
