Comments on Profile Post by letter

What happened??

My life has been like a never-ending nightmare.

Whenever something good happens, I wonder how it is going to be used to make me suffer more.

“Oh? You found the heart to dare to love someone again? Look, isn’t she beautiful? Isn’t this magical? Isn’t this everything you ever hoped for and more?

There, I made her leave you for another man. Now, what else makes you happy? Is that your mother over there?” - life

I’ve been fighting this, not letting myself give into despair. Still keeping hope burning in my heart. Still thanking God for everything.

But still. Happiness. It is so hard not to cry whenever it comes close because of all the suffering that is associated with it.

I actually used to be afraid of feeling happy. It terrified me.

There’s a lot more to this. But this is the kind of stuff I’ve had to live with, a darkness so deep that even joy is a tormentor.

I sometimes forget who I’ve had to become because of that. But then I remember. I remember everything.

And as I remember, I burn...no darkness shall I fear. All this suffering, all this sorrow, all this terrible weight of hopelessness...becomes my fuel.

I’m still alive.

Hmm...fire cleans, closes & cauterizes wounds.

Maybe that’s my lesson here? I just needed to stick a red-hot iron into these gaping holes.

I’m feeling surprisingly different right now.

Remember, my dear letter, that happiness is a butterfly we find in the moonlight. c: