Comebacka2life

08/07/2020I am here after a long time. Once again to try. I am addicted to pmo for more than ten years of my life and I intend to change it now. It would had been very good, if I had quit it the first time I used nofap,which was more than two years ago.
I have masturbated four times in the last 24 hrs. I haven't slept well last night, all I was doing was surfing porn & youtube videos of actresses. I slept at 1 am after watching porn for more than three hours. And I tried to search specific types of it to get aroused. I have found myself way past of normal porn. When I got up at 8 am, again I started watching porn only to fap till death. I don't care about my career, personality or relations. I don't give a shit to anything beside watching porn and masturbating. Just after ejaculating the prefrontal cortex gets activated and I start worrying for how long I have been doing this? Whether I gonna stop or not. What will I do in life. Many things pop in mind just after ejaculation, which causes stress, frustration & guilt. Also the shame of it gets you into depression. I have forgotten when was the last time I was in conscious state. I have tried many things as of now but nothing has worked. Only one thing which I need to do is keep away my mobile before going to bed and this really works. To keep it in such a place where you can't reach. I am also suffering from lack of enthusiasm, energy & mindfulness. I have also developed insomnia. Despite getting tired all day, sometimes it becomes difficult to sleep.From tomorrow on wards I am going to follow some steps to get rid of it. This addiction has taken a heavy toll on me. Many things are getting affected by it and that's why I want to kick it out like I never got into it. I want to forget the names of all porn stars. I will develop an action plan and follow it.
As of now my head is heavy due to less sleep and also I don't feel energetic. Let's see the next day how I feel?10/07/2020Sleeping like a child. Feeling good. I had the urge last day but, I kept my calm & watched it go away. After a while I felt a bit of confident. Now I feel like, though it is difficult I can make a streak of 21 days. There will be many ups & downs in the coming days but I have to just let it go. Sitting there and feeling the pleasure of fading, there is nothing like it.
I have to remind myself of the rule, anyhow I have to follow this. No matter what come, I have to put my mobile in such a place where I can't reach during sleep. Remember the pain & the guilt or shame which comes with masturbation. You can't handle it. It's quite unbearable. Repeat the same mistake once again and all the bad memories associated with it will become alive or fresh. Then again the cycle of oh shit here we go again. Don't do that. Believe in the yourself & the almighty. There are many people out there going through the same shit & many have made it. And so can you.