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Yeah. It's a real struggle. Sometimes when the sexual energy builds up so high, I wonder if it would be better to just M and get it out of my system. But as of yesterday I hadn't looked at porn or MO'd in 43 days.
My main goal is not masturbating, but last night I looked at a little porn. Not sure if I should reset my counter (cuz then I'd be tempted to MO). I'll explain a bit more in another thread and would love your feedback.
from your description, i'd deem it a setback. definitely can be useful in analysis and self-discovery. you were angry yesterday, so might be a sign of some hormonal fluctuations. could also look to diet, bowel regularity, external factors like an environment change or interpersonal interactions. obviously something either wobbled in your outlook/goals/self-image or you are
did you M at all? M without O? M later with the material fresh in your mind? all this stuff, in relation to the defined goal and specific individual steps you have outlined as being in recovery.
Thank you kaia for your supportive feedback! :)
I will probably call it a slip but not a relapse IF i can move on without slipping back. If I find myself looking for SPH porn again in the near future, it will be clear that I have lost my way.
I did not M at all, though I might have been close to an O even without touching. This is possible after a long streak, a really big dopamine hit from porn coupled with slightest friction against sheets or clothing can trigger an O. I find myself in those moments 1/4 hoping that it happens like that and half hoping that it turns into a wet dream.
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