SowiloKanamara

(the point being:) im ACTUALLY trying to fix my life now. not just whacking it.

but i will practically be off a lot sooner since i can have about 1200 on my account without anyone drooling over it and cash is not tracked

but technically, i will be out of debt officially in about 3 years.

practically i will be out of debt once the deal is made with them lawyer folks.

i will get out of my debt without hickups, and a lot faster and more comfortable than expected.

streaks and relapse phases came and went.

still alive.

nofap+subliminals+spiritual practice =boom.

the problem being, that bad things just happened for no reason, or didnt last ..for no reason given. Now? things actually improve and last

even without porn, my life was pretty much shit -before i started indulging in solar practice, i kept having the same problem:

i met some 23yold guy, who accomplished so much in his life -despite being the same age as me. I was angry, at myself and at his smugness.

I did occaisonally fap, but with diet and spiritual practice i prevented it from dragging me down significantly.

solar practice really helped. Im eating now lots of fruit and fiber, people are nice to me out of nowhere and opportunities arise.

still have my job

i feel spiritually numb during nofap -pretty much the opposit of what every guru or master would tell you.

returning to meat first felt like my desire-nature was returning. but subsequent times felt less intense and now seemingly back to emptiness

experimented with diet, didnt eat any meat or eggs for more than a week, maybe around two weeks? i felt empty doing so.

I tried edging but it doesnt move me anymore.

i dont feel. I tried chocolate, but it feels like a distant memory of happiness, not even close to it -nor the experience of chocolate.

the flatline hits hard. at times i feel just like a pointless bubble of intelect without any purpose passion or desire.