100+ days No PMO

Good morning, afternoon or evening depending on when you are

In Short: I realized I couldn't stop PMO on my own > I got help from nofap.com especially the weekly calls (Best $40/month I ever paid) > I asked everyone about every problem with PMO sobriety I had > I tried and found the solutions that worked for me to maintain sobriety.

*Voila* It was that simple. All I really did was what Louise Haye said to do, "Try different solutions until one of them solves the problem. Then maintain. This is the true essence of the phrase 'if at first you don't succeed try try again.'"

More detailed account of my story:

I am writing this because I want to leave something behind for the newcomer <3 The people who are on Day 0 or anyone who is struggling with PMO addiction. My heart goes out to you. Please open your mind enough to learn what you must to put PMO addiction in it's coffin for good!

Ask others who seem agreeable to you and have wisdom to share that will aid you in your journey all your questions about how to maintain PMO sobriety.

Compare your life with and without PMO. Or with whatever your ideal goals are. Figure out your ideal goal and life and keep moving towards it! Never give up on yourself.

"You as much as anyone deserve your own love and compassion." -Buddha

1/5/2023

I'm determined to make it to a year, that's my goal. I'll share some things that helped me and describe the ups and downs of the past 100+ days.

So Sept 25th. I had gone through cycles of 2 weeks no PMO and relapse for months. I joined the accountability call group and started building my streak from there. I feel being on that call consistently helps me maintain no PMO and I couldn't do it without the group support.

As my streak built I became increasingly energetic and bored. I moved into a basement apartment (I should really get a 'happy lamp') and felt like I wasn't doing anything interesting. I remember a similar feeling when I was trapped heavily in the cycle of addiction to substances, video games and PMO; Just a young man sitting in a room, waiting to die.

Of course it wasn't so bad as that addiction time as I kicked the habits. I felt like everything was okay and I could live as long I had my partner with me. But we don't live together yet so I felt very lonely and restless at home on nights I was without her.

Eventually I got sick of sitting at home alone and I joined an MMA gym. It was my passion from the day I first tried it at age 16. I just never stuck with it as my family always discouraged me from doing it due to the risk of injury.

I'm 34 now and finally moved out of my mom's house at 33. I don't feel as much pressure to forego my passion for my profession as a counselor anymore so I train MMA weekly. It's a good time. When I'm there I mostly feel curious, excited and like it's a dream come true for me to just be training once more. And some of the time I feel pain and discomfort in random places. But I rest and relax. I take good care of myself for a few days and go back to the dojo with a better understanding of how to prevent that last damage from happening this time around. It's rough going honestly. But the trainers are kind and willing to help. They teach me different ways to practice with others that will prevent injury for me.

It feels strangely normal. I've been so excited every day that I made it up one more day this streak. But once I hit 100 I felt like the hill stopped feeling so steep to climb. It feels like I'm just walking forward on flat ground now. The urges got less intense and I got better at controlling them. I'm moving towards a healthier happier mindset. I love posting on here. I always did it when I was struggling with PMO I'd just keep writing a crap load of content on here in various forums and my journal.


Tips:

1. I often felt urges to PMO but I just kept practicing mindfulness and engaging in healthier distractions till they passed. Note that healthier just means it's better for me than PMO. I don't consider hours of TV to be as healthy as reading paper books, but it's a 1000 times better than PMO is for me. So if TV kept my hand on the remote instead of other places it was A-OK by me! I spend most of my free time reading, exercising, socializing and studying for career advancement as time goes on. I'd like to do more spiritual practice.

2. I made behavior replacements for all my addictions. Which is just a list of all the good things I was experiencing in my addiction. Then a second list of healthier alternatives that can replace all those good feelings. IE: Replacing PMO with dating real people, reading for pleasure, anime, exercise, socializing, mindfulness etc. If you're wondering if behavior replacement is 'an escape' or 'not really fixing the problem' I invite you to entertain this. Would you rather look in the mirror in the morning and know that you spent the last week watching tv and doing push ups to avoid PMO. Or would you rather see your reflection having done nothing with your spare time but PMO? The answer is easy for me. I don't care what anyone calls it or theorizes the root cause of XYZ behavior is. All I care about is that I don't do the addictive thing that's been ruining my life for over a decade. The thoughts, feelings and reasons can come AFTER the behavior is changed. That's the fastest and most effective way I've found to build my no PMO streak. And CBT research studies will back that claim.

3. Leaning into the spiritual is always helpful for me. It's so essential for me to find some form of spiritual practice that I can connect with daily to improve my sense of self-control and contentment. Buddhism is my #1 pick. I also like Christianity, Islam, Norse Mythology and Hinduism. I got a copy of the Torah so I can learn about Judaism more now too. If you're spiritually inclined please do seek out the scripture of your chosen faith to understand it and deepen your practice. If you're not into spirituality then find something to do that makes you feel mindful. Some people say Tennis is like their meditation and that is mindfulness. One does not have to sit and meditate to practice mindfulness. It's just doing something in a way that helps clear your mind: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...need-to-be-meditating-to-practice-mindfulness


Above all else, Do what works for you to maintain your streak and live your best life!

Oh yeah.

I experimented with PMO. I observed myself objectively. I discerned that in 1000's of attempts to moderate PMO or control it in any way other than abstinence. Resulted in epic fails for me 100% of the time. With evidence that conclusive I couldn't help but feel nofap was the solution for me. As I did my first 3 month streak of nofap I realized that I had a strong resilience in myself I hadn't felt before. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I could maintain my streak I would never give up because there was no longer anything addictive enough in my life to allow me to just 'get high on it' until I died. Which is how I was living when I did substances/gaming/pmo. I felt I would just wake up each day and keep trying to life a good life day by day till I died. And that's what I've been doing. It's gone tremendously well. I studied psychology for about 150 hours these past six months to prep for my exam and checked many life boxes. May I pass the exam.



This article helped me:
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/live-your-life-out-loud-30-ways-to-get-started/

The idea she posits: build from the inside out

Really hit home with me as I put it into action day by day. I felt the inside of me needed to strengthen first, then each layer building outwards while maintaining my core foundational strength.

In practical terms what I did:

1. Innermost is the spirit and mind: meditation, prayer, recite scripture, and positive affirmations daily every morning.

2. Next is the body: walking, yoga, calisthenics, rowing, weighted calisthenics

3. Career: found a way to work 30 hours a week while saving money and living on my own by living cheaply. Embracing frugality. Got degrees etc.

4. Social life: I stay connected with my immediate family, made a couple friend groups through meetup.com, began dating through the Hinge app and found a partner I'm satisfied with.

5. Protection: Now I am maintaining and deepening into steps 1-4 while adding MMA training. Maintaining step 2 has meant a slight reduction in step 2 to add the MMA, however I'm determined to maintain calithenics, yoga and cardio training whilst doing MMA so I made a very doable exercise schedule.

6. Gaintain: Just trying my best to maintain+make gains in these areas of my life; self-care, spiritual, social and career. I'm hoping to deepen into them and make progress over time. Utilizing kindness, patience and perseverance.

7. Standing at the top of the mountain: I'm here. This is the mountain I wished to climb. I suppose the mountain goes on forever. And this is really just a plateau to rest on as I prepare for the next leg of the ascent. But all the major life boxes are checked. I just have to make them stay checked one day at a time. I'll hold onto my life gains as best I can.

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Major boxes: girlfriend, friends, family, dojo, fitness, abstinence from substances/gaming/PMO, Buddhism, anime, cooking, career and money. All of these I've grown through hard work to get to the point where I'm happy with them and hungry for progress and longevity.

I see many people climb up really high, higher than I've ever been. Then they don't know what to do. So they go back down. Some of them right back into the deep ditch that they dug themselves into long before every trying to straighten out their lives. And there they lay. Saying, "I wasn't happy on top, I'm not happy in this ditch either. So I'll just sit here, waiting for that cloaked skeleton to take me to a new home."

I wish that everyone who is in a hole. Find the resolve to claw their way out of it. Finds the will deep inside themselves to never give up. To fight with all they have to live a good long life. May it be so.

"Be the star of your own life. Pick a mountain and climb it. When you get to the top pick a new one and climb that. If you can't find a mountain, build one and climb it. Otherwise you'll start to stagnate." -Sylvester Stallone

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P.S.

I'm sorry that I can't sit around here at day 500+ and be an old timer. Going on about how I post in my nofap journal everyday and attend a weekly group call every weekend NO MATTER WHAT!

That this journal post and the meetings are the only thing between me and relapse. Because it's just not true. That's not how I am. I've met that guy. And he's cool, I'm proud of him. he needs to exist to shepherd in the newcomers to the hallowed halls of the church of sobriety.

Wherever I go I always look straight at the top of the mountain and keep climbing. Whether it's doing a squat bench deadlift total of 1000 pounds, getting a blackbelt or being a yoga teacher. I always shoot for the stars.

Now I'm thirty four and I don't need everything. I don't need to be the highest ranking whoever or whatever in whatever place. I just need enough.

That one word.

And I wonder if I have that right now. I feel like I am enough and I have enough that there is plenty for everyone including me.

I don't need so much to be happy or content. To feel satisfied.

I've fallen out of my fervor for more.

I'm content with what is.

I really only get hungry for more when someone talks to me about more. I get all riled up and go on a rampage. Sometimes it lasts hours, days, months, or even years.

Eventually I calm down and I'm content with what is. Over time I get to the point where. I resist those people. When they tell me you can have more you should do this or that and go for more. Always more, never enough as is.

Perhaps it's time to rest.

To just kick' and push and coast.

Till it's time to go see Buddha in Heaven.

After I've lived a good long (easy going life.

 

Thanks so much for your reply Jpunk! Oh yes, I've dealt with the same thing. When I was relapsing often I would see my partner on weekends and convince myself that I could 'moderate'. Within a few days my life would be in PMO shambles with only minimal levels of productivity. Joining the nofap video call group was what made my mind attach to other people dealing with this addiction. It made it real for me and I deeply accepted that I have a problem with PMO. I need the help of the group for a solid year if I am to lay this demon to rest for life. Being around nofap peers makes me feel like, I want to stay free of PMO, the natural desire to conform to social norms of the nofap group is very helpful for me as I just go with that feeling and stay abstinent. May something like this happen for you too. What is your nofap goal?

 

Thank you very much! I'll see you as we climb the mountain together

Love your coding tagline

 

Nice reasons. Mine are to live a good life full of the people and things I love. Whereas I was trading my entire life, all my free time for just engaging in addiction all day. Not worth it from my perspective today.

Good luck getting through the first few weeks. Find ways to take it easy and be gentle with yourself. I guess we're are own best comforter at times

 

thank you it’s a struggle to keep going sometimes . But I’ll never give up . There’s nothing else for me better than my chosen sobriety so I’ll keep trying forever and I know it’ll all workout .

 

Thank you, I appreciate your sharing scriptures. I get what you’re saying how Christianity is about being loved by God then choosing to love others out of gratitude to him. It’s a good faith

I definitely found a partner after I’d worked hard to become what in my eyes was good boyfriend material. I’ve evolved since meeting her but having my life together first was the pollen that attracted my honey bee

 

Thanks a bunch may I become licensed soon

 

Sounds good. I just train body weight calisthenics. Anymore than that and I feel too heavy and low stamina. I think we all have our right balance of activities that suits us

 

Thank you and I wish everyone on here the best of luck. Keep trying and we’ll surely succeed. Even if it’s finding a light at the end of a long dark tunnel