17 [M] In Need of Help For Sissy / Gay Hypno PIED

[California_Inbound]

I don't even know where to begin with this, I've MO'd since I was 11, PMO'd since I was 12 and have been ever since. Porn never was an issue for me, however, when I turned 15/16 I started going down the rabbit hole of sissy and gay hypnos, and that's where a lot changed. When I turned 16, I lost my: morning woods, random erections, and most sexual desire unless I was watching these fucking hypnos. I've been trying to stop PMO'ing but I keep relapsing, today I saw some satanic shit in a hypno, and scared the fuck out of me. That's saying something, because I'm not by any means spiritual/religious.

I have no desire to have a gay relationship or to "hookup" with a guy, however, when I see a trannie or a dick, I get fucking hard, and when I see an attractive woman I don't get hard. Maybe I'm in denial? No, I've liked girls since I was young and the only reason I'm thinking otherwise is because of this fucking messed up porn. I want my libido back, I want my confidence back, and most importantly I want to better myself. Not that being gay/bi/trans is bad, but I want to be straight as I have been for my whole life up till now.

This has been going on for too long now, and I can't tell my parents about it since they'll take everything I own away because watching porn is so taboo in my family. So essentially what I'm saying is, I'm done, I've had it. No more porn, no more masturbation, I want to get better.

I now have a relationship that's soon to turn into a gf/bf type deal, I like this girl (she's totally my type and is attractive), but it doesn't feel the same as when I first dated, I want this feeling back, I'll do whatever it takes.

Does anyone have any tips, recommendations, etc? I'm really looking for feedback on whatever I said here.

 

[Jonzee]

Hey man!
Good for you firstly for recognising your issue and what you want. Very similar experience, although a little older at 22. Never got into the sissy stuff but TS porn was my goto for a good 2 years I'd say. I'd say have a read of my journal post for a bit of a better.
For me there's a couple things that have been big for me;

Keeping yourself busy, we all know if we've got free time and sitting on a computer, your mind will wander to porn or something. So find something to keep yourself busy, whether that be going to the gym, running, studying or watching a new TV series. Just something to replace that habit of M. If you don't work out, I'd really recommend it, not just for nofap benefits, but it definitely helps replacing the feelings of shame that you have from your porn habits when you're feeling great about some gains in the gym or getting fitter. Also gives you time to think privately about things, about what you want and what you want to change about yourself.

Porn blockers is definitely a good choice, when I first started I was like pffft I'm good I got this, that was fine for me, then I cracked would look at some porn, and eventually masturbate. I don't really need them now, but if I had them then, I'd be on a longer streak than I am now.

Think about what you want and who you want to be, you've clearly stated you have feelings for this girl, you want your libido back etc. Think about it, remind yourself of it. When I'd be driving home from work, to the gym, anywhere alone where I could think retrospectively I thought about this issue, what I didn't like about it and what I'm going to change about myself and that definitely helped me keep my eye on the prize.

No matter what DO NOT fool yourself into "maybe I'll have a look at it see if it still gets me going?". It will, you'll end up jacking off and hating yourself and getting back into that cycle.
Check in on the forums here, read success stories, this is a good place to have a healthy reminder of all your problems. Read back on your initial posts, maybe start a journal post to keep track of how you are.

Do whatever you can to not relapse, but if you do, think of why/what caused you to relapse and think of ways to avoid in future.

 

[California_Inbound]

Thank you for the advise man, I unfortunately relapsed in the time you sent me this, however, I'm still going to keep trying and will not give up. Ill look into going out more and definitely the porn blockers

I've also looked into things like HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder) a new porn-anxiety thing, so that was encouraging to know the issue.

I really appreciate this all, I will do my best.

 

[Jonzee]

Thank you for the advise man, I unfortunately relapsed in the time you sent me this, however, I'm still going to keep trying and will not give up. Ill look into going out more and definitely the porn blockers

I've also looked into things like HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder) a new porn-anxiety thing, so that was encouraging to know the issue.

I really appreciate this all, I will do my best.

It happens man, my first streaks were like a week or two then i'd break, hell im only 26 days in, its not a massive streak but I already feel like I've kicked it, just keep at it man, know that it's the porn fucking with your head not you being a fucked person.