45M, new to NoFap, going Normal Mode

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by ItCameToThis, Mar 18, 2019.

  1. ItCameToThis

    ItCameToThis Fapstronaut

    Never thought I'd be here... But thinking about it in hindsight it makes so much damned sense.

    Trigger Warnings: I'm telling my story and it involves sex and I work in a garage where cussing is used like punctuation. I'll try to go easy on both though.

    My story:

    Being 45, I didn't have high speed internet until I was over 20. But it seems so obvious to me now that it became a way bigger part of my life than was ever going to be healthy for a man to have.

    I was a popular and athletic kid. Smart and from a good supportive family. Sex wasn't ever discussed, but it wasnt a forbidden taboo. I had girlfriends and most of the usual milestones that a young boy growing up in the suburbs would have had.

    My first exposure to porn was in the form of dirty magazines. They weren't easy to come by, but some kids dad's had hidden stashes and some of the older kids at cub camp had it too. It made me want it so bad, yearned for it in truth, but I had no means to get any for myself (likely a very good thing) and even if I had my own porn stash I'd have never been able to keep it away from a mom who cleaned the whole house scrupulously thoroughly every weekend. This was also the age of VHS porn and the tapes were starting to turn up in some of the other kid's father's stashes... This changed everything for me. Once I'd finally seen Debbie become a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, I knew what I needed to feel satisfied.
    In my late teens (I'd been masturbating for a few years now, mostly with catalogs or the occasional racy bikini babe from sports illustrated or muscle and fitness) I finally had my own small collection of magazines and a few VHS tapes. I hid them in the drop ceiling of the basement rec room above the heating vent. I felt deeply ashamed of them and would have been embarrassed and crushed if my parents found out about it... But I simply couldn't make myself get rid of it. Getting it in and out of it's hiding place was an ordeal, and I had more than a few close calls getting it put back away, but I just couldn't make myself get rid of it.

    In my late teens I started having sex with my girlfriends. Looking back, porn made me a man that used these girls. I viewed them as accessories to give me pleasure and status. And I now know that a few of them who had actual sweetheart, young-love sort of feelings for me I misused by completely ignoring all of the good and positivity they wanted to give me. I was a dick. But I was popular and there would always be another one who caught my eye and I'd already be thinking about my own gratification. And all through this time, porn became a constant. I told myself that I wouldn't be able to function as well without it. I told myself that the porn was actually keeping me "normal" and that without it I would be horny all the time, surly, unfocused and wouldn't be able to look at any woman without thinking about fucking her. In truth, the porn made me all of those things. I was also a high-T athlete and felt like without a minimum of 3 orgasms a day that I'd be useless to function socially or academically. I didn't know that I was potentially damaging myself physically since I'd never had anyone tell me that prone masturbating was bad for me. On the contrary, sex positive health classes and media reports lauded self-love.

    My twenties are a blur. Girlfriends and high speed pornography left, right and centre. Again, the 3 nut minimum kept up and being able to access the new frontier of high speed internet porn was life altering. It is truly amazing how it became such a part of my life. Whether I needed to or not, it was a release and a feeling of pleasure and I saw no reason why I should stop.
    I had a few serious, long term girlfriends. Tried my best to make it work with them. Married one and divorced 5 minutes later (I exaggerate, but in truth I blame myself for not seeing our incompatibility). But throughout it all, dating, partnered, married, whatever: I was going to fap and get off at least 3 times daily. It was around this time that I first read about the potential damage that prone masturbation can cause and I stopped it completely. As I've had many more years of fapping and fucking since, I'm satisfied that I managed to avoid that pitfall.

    My 30s was very much the same. But then about 5 years ago, after a few decades of porn, literally beating it like it owed me money, I noticed myself changing.
    I felt less sensation. My guaranteed 2nd and 3rd rounds with a girlfriend were no longer guaranteed. In fact, the first erection took a lot more coaxing to make it happen... And it wasn't rock solid like before... And I wasn't lasting like before...

    What was it that Gary Wilson said in his TedX Talk? That men are only compelled to alter their lifestyle away from porn under one circumstance? Lol... Well, my dick not working as well as it used to was a wake up call for sure... But I went the blue pill route first. I bought the generic ones off of a guy off of craigslist. It seemed less shameful than going to my doctor for some reason. I shake my head now, but it's amazing what you can tell yourself to rationalize these things.
    And even with the little blue magic giving me back those lost miles per hour off my fastball... Did I stop porn? You know the answer: I could still get up and get off for my computer... No need to quit. And especially now that I had extra help being the supreme-lover again and my girlfriends were all once again breathlessly thanking me, my problem was solved, right? And isn't it completely normal for a man of 40+ to not get morning wood automatically anymore? Or to have less of a full erection?

    So... Aside to all of this, I've been on a 14 month journey to become a more fit me again. I was athletic and handsome as a younger man and had let myself get out of shape and far from my best. It was during this journey that I first came across the concept of NoFap. Out of curiosity I looked up what it was, thought it was great for those guys who were addicted to porn, but obviously this wasn't something that I needed. After all, I had a few girlfriends going at just about any point and yeah, I had favorite porn that helped me fall asleep... Or wake up... Or kill time on a lonely evening... But I sure as hell didn't need it...
    Until after a few, less than satisfactory sessions over the space of February with a few of my girlfriends. One of them even made excuses for me... I must've been stressed or tired... This shook me. She was just being sweet and trying to make me feel better but I felt pathetic.
    What shook me even more was my realization the following morning that I had stroked myself off the night before to comfort myself after the poor sexual performance... And without even thinking about it I was rubbing off again the following morning to start my day even though I hadn't even been hard.

    That's when it all crystalized in my head.
    And I remembered about NoFap.
    And I remembered about Rebooting.
    And I remembered YBOP and the TedX Talk.

    And that was the start of my journey. March 1 was Day 1. No porn or wanking since. Had sex a few times. Had an uncomfortable chat about NoFap with a girlfriend who was very understanding. Had my body play some funny tricks on me since: urges, boners, flatlining, anxiety, stress... But I now know that my brain must heal. 30, 60, 90 days... Whatever it takes.
    Hopefully I don't need to stop having sex to do this... But I'm willing to do it if I must.

    May start a journal tomorrow. Maybe it's weird to start one on day 19 but I want to have some commitment to this process so I'll do it to hold myself accountable.

    Good luck to you all.
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2019
  2. Carbon6

    Carbon6 Fapstronaut

    One common misconception: Not masturbating tends to increase testosterone levels - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12659241?dopt=Abstract
    I wish you the best of luck on your journey, and am glad you were willing to admit you have a problem, most don't.

    I'm interested in reading about the journals of those who started off of high-speed porn. Makes me a bit curious as to how much sooner(or later) you'll 'recover'. Plus its a great way for you to work through some thoughts, like meditation on paper.

    Oh, and Welcome to the community!
    ItCameToThis likes this.
  3. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips whichmay help you along your journey.

    When you create your journal, would you mind copying and pasting a link here so that we can find you?
    ItCameToThis likes this.
  4. ItCameToThis

    ItCameToThis Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the support and the tips.

    On one hand, I've read that guys who didn't get highspeed porn until their brain was already developed can reboot faster, which is encouraging... But on the other, I'm 45 and maybe my brain is very set in its ways now and as an older guy maybe it's just natural to have less erections and less quality of them...
    Time, and my journal, will tell.
  5. ItCameToThis

    ItCameToThis Fapstronaut

    Appreciate the tips and motivation. Journal, with link, has been started.
    D . J . likes this.
  6. jimmymontana12

    jimmymontana12 Fapstronaut

    What do you think about not masturbating and no porn but still having sex on blue pill. Wouldn't this rewiring and training to get hard only for a woman help
    ItCameToThis likes this.
  7. ItCameToThis

    ItCameToThis Fapstronaut

    Don't know. I gave up boner pills over a year ago. Something about them made me know that there was an underlying problem that I was papering over.
    Like... If I get hard for a video and my hand but not for a girl who is willing to do whatever I want her to do to get me off... There's issues there.
    It just didn't occur that I had to give one up to save the other until I looked into it.
  8. UK Lad

    UK Lad Fapstronaut

    A user on this forum noted, After stopping p*** and masturbation or regular intercourse you will experience the following benefits,

    1) Clarity of mind, no mental clutter
    2) Better stamina in sports
    3) Absence of depression, as in "there's actually nothing wrong with me"
    4) Better short term memory, grasp conversations, sharp and clear mind
    5) Feeling worthy of hottest girls
    6) Interacting with people goes from nuisance to fun activity
    7) Facial hair grows faster
    8) Music sounds better
    9) Being cool with awkward situations
    10) Past events are remembered better
    11) Movies watched in one sitting, rather than interrupting it with distractions
    12) Feeling of being really alive and feeling of having/being a powerful spirit
    13) Better looking skin
    14) Free, genuine belly laugh
    15) Appreciation and admiration of women's inner and outer beauty
    16) Less sleep is needed to feel rested
    17) Much less irritability
    18) Destructive erections
    19) Improved chest, neck and shoulders musculature (without exercise in a particular case)
    20) Vibrant and alive looking eyes
    21) Voice is now clear
    22) Reduced rage and anger
    23) Movies, novels and art are appreciated much more
    24) Better dream recollection
    25) More wisdom on various subjects, without actually studying them. As in mind gets better at making connections.
    26) Easier to get up in the morning
    27) Like Neo in the Matrix, getting heightened senses and intuition
    28) Enjoying company of kids and older folks
    29) No more craving for sugar and alcohol
    30) Urge to expand your mind
    31) No more angry outbursts around the family
    32) "Annoying" things females do are now appreciated
    33) A tangible magnetic connection with chicks
    34) Chores are now easier to perform
    35) Seeing "big picture" in life better
    36) Ability to look at women and feel her, sense if her energy is good or bad
    37) Ability to relate chicks like friends and seeing them flock to you
    38) Nothing stresses you out anymore
    39) Men respect you more
    40) Men flinch in your presence
    Brown Boy likes this.
  9. ItCameToThis

    ItCameToThis Fapstronaut

    This sounds as if you (or he) are saying that Hard Mode is the only path?
    UK Lad likes this.
  10. Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.
    ItCameToThis likes this.
  11. jimmymontana12

    jimmymontana12 Fapstronaut

    Yea but is this for people with pied or you mean overall. Because sex is natural
  12. ItCameToThis

    ItCameToThis Fapstronaut

    I suppose that abstaining from porn and masturbating are sacrifices I'm willing to try doing without.

    So if I also *must* abstain from sex with my partners (or even from fooling around to get them off and meet their needs) I'm not so sure that I can do this...

    Are there success stories of guys over 40 beating full or partial PIED with Normal Mode?
  13. 49 and married here. We decided to go with normal mode and things definitely returned for me.
    I know not all situations and responses are the same.
    ItCameToThis likes this.
  14. ItCameToThis

    ItCameToThis Fapstronaut

    That's the kind of report that puts the wind in my sails! Good on ya Freddie!
  15. jimmymontana12

    jimmymontana12 Fapstronaut

    How long did it take Freddy? Did you feel sex slowed down the recovery? Did you have to use the blue pill?
  16. For me the response was fairly fast, noticed change after about two weeks. After about a month, maybe a bit more I was back to full strength. I never did use blue, I had thought about it but never did.
    ItCameToThis likes this.
  17. UK Lad

    UK Lad Fapstronaut

    No it’s not. It’s a gradual path. Every little steps u take or as each successful day goes by you feel the benefit. It’s all psychological. Focus on rebooting the prefrontal cortex. Read Gary Wilson book called your brain on porn. It explains how porn really messses up your head. It can help kickstart your rewiring process because understanding leads to action

Share This Page