9 months of failure

I can resonate.
Wish you ever more strength. You are not alone in this.

 

Having had similar experiences with doubting nofap and relapsing after months of abstinence, I can only say the practice of hiding phones or computers, at least to me, isn't the solution, because it implies that part of you isn't ready to give up porn. It is a false sense of safety to lock up phones and what not.

To really give up porn, the real and lasting change must come from the heart and the heart alone, only then will phones or an internet connection mean nothing. There needs to be a fire in your soul that sees porn as an enemy and pure evil that has cost human lives.
When you watch porn, there's no exchange of energy, light or love, there's only waste, regret and sorrow. Yet for some reason it keeps people going back, because little compares to the pleasure the porn fantasy brings, ever so briefly. This is why problems like depression and OCD soon develop, little else will get you as high, and you won't be able to enjoy the simple, normal things in life anymore.

We can change though. All it takes is time and willpower, after all the internet, VHS and DVDs haven't been around for centuries, if the men before us could abstain from porn simply because there was none, so can we. We have the moral capacity, right and freedom to leave porn for what it is and contribute to a society that respects instead of shames. The actors in these porn videos, they suffer too, and I'm sure that if they were given the choice, they too would prefer 0 clicks on any of their videos. Although it may seem like they are enjoying themselves, in the end the only thing that drives them to participate in the porn industry is money. Part of the problem is that we falsely assume that all the parties involved benefit from porn, when in reality no one does. Many porn stars have regretted their decision to get into pornography, some are even forced, still others end up taking their lives. It is an evil business and we ultimately pay the price, eventually a porn addict will always, always encounter some sort of issue, mentally or physically, spiritually even. Part of the problem here is that we get hooked so young, without a thorough understanding of how this poison affects us and on what levels, it becomes a habit, a drug we turn to to experience a false sense of happiness, an escape, a distraction, for years on end, until we eventually begin to understand that it only empties without ever giving back. This stuff is on a whole other level, we just have to let the heart speak, you know, and imagine ourselves a number of years down the road reflecting back standing on the crossroads, again and again, being given every opportunity to quit and never look back. When that time comes, I just don't want to be the one who never managed to escape, be set free when the chance presented itself a thousand times over. Porn isn't innocent, actively watching porn means actively contributing to things like human trafficking, and the erosion of the soul. It's selfish behavior and sets us apart from what truly matters, being connection and oneness, in other words, love.

 

Why not challenge yourself to master some kind of art form? Or a language? Or whatever? That way you can kill 2 birds with one stone. There are so many free classes etc. on the web.