A Question to Hard Mode guys

Well, even though I am doing hard mode, I don't have a wife beside me as easy access to sex during this process. But you might want to ask yourself the question, Are you just seeing your wife as an easy, quick, or readily available lay - a substitute for masturbation - sort of like a masturbation doll, even - are you just engaging in the addiction even with sex? Is that the picture of recovery you're really looking for? It seems to me that it turns one's very partner into a sex object, much like how porn perpetuates sex objectification in the addicted mind; hence, the reason for hard mode even among married guys who readily and freely accept such recovery for better relationships in life. Just a thought. Best wishes on your journey.

 

I was just replying to your own question: "Are you guys getting laid on a regular basis?" That's a "sex object" type question. You didn't ask, "Are you guys having sex with your wives or intimate partners in life or some such?" I know we're guys, and perhaps we still like the locker room lingo that guy's use. But, it is revealing of an attitude toward sex - conscious or unconscious. And sex objectification need not ever be about force for it to still be an objectification. That's all. Something to think about. What attitude toward a healthy and holistic sex life do we ultimately want to have? What old ways of thinking about sex do we want to recover from?

And yes, hard mode is a bitch at times.

 

Yeah, it was not meant to be a judgment or an attack - just a healthy challenge in case some unconscious or shadowy addiction motive was afoot, unawares - the very reason for mutual support in recovery, perhaps, between bros. No one can really know anyone else on here - we're only what we put out in words. And, I'm not looking for precise poetry or perfect prose either, as you might forgive also my own language which I guess can sound rather direct if read in a certain way - I don't care much for pussy-footing around. No harm, no foul.

Best wishes on our journey through recovery. Keep up the good fight.

 

I would be surprised if any guy with a P addiction doesn't view his wife as a sex object (a means to get off, rather than connect). Of course, we appreciate other things about them. Of course, they are more than just that to us. They are not our sex slaves. They can say no and we respect that within reason. We respect many things about them. But when it comes to sex, I would guess more often that not, we are getting off on them in a very objective way. Porn tends to have that effect.

But, in my opinion. TRIGGER WARNING


There is nothing wrong with that once in a while (for either man or woman) to just use the other one and relieve their stress. It doesn't always have to be full of love and connection. If she is full of tension and simply needs to relieve herself, then why not? And same for the man.

But when sex with your wife is primarily about that, then there is a problem. Like I said, that doesn't mean we don't respect and appreciate other things about her, but when it comes to sex with her - it might as well be our own hand - it's masturbation.

I am not making judgement to the OP here. I am just saying that I think anyone with a real PMO addiction, probably treats real sex objectively as well (e.g. get a dopamine hit....compare her to porn woman....compare what she does to what you see woman do in porn......focus only on the sexiness of the body you are having sex with and not the real person......try to act out things seen in porn ........feel disappointed if some part of her or the experience doesn't meet your expectation or match what you have seen in porn.......etc etc).

I would like to meet a real P addict who doesn't treat most sexual intercourse like this.