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A Week In; Obersvations

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by J743, Dec 13, 2014.

  1. Dec 13, 2014 #1
    J743

    J743 New Fapstronaut

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    No, no superpowers or anything special. I really wanted to write this to keep myself accountable to my goal. I see myself posting about 90 day success, but I insist on taking it one day at a time.

    I edged this morning. I woke up with a half chub. I edged for probably 3-5 minutes and decided it wasn't going to get me anywhere and was detrimental to my reboot. What I want is what some of you have, a full reboot. I won't settle. I am writing this to re-align myself, to be consistent and realistic about my goal. I can't hang out in bars if I expect to quit drinking.


    I can't relate my supposed "flatline" to just hardmode no PMO--I think it has more to do with the fact that I recently fell under the spell of excessive coffee and cigarettes. I know I'm in a dark spot when I chain smoke and use these things as a crutch, and I wouldn't be surprised if these things are in the way of real tangible progress. But, I am committed to this goal, and I want to not hide about the temptation. The irony of addiction for me is that I do all these things to make myself feel better, but in order to actually "feel better," I'm going to have to do the work. Oddly enough, I end up feeling on the other side of addition, when I'm not doing those things. Gotta surrender and just trust the process I guess.

    I edged because I wanted to calm my growing concerns about flatlining and not being able to "be there." Saying it "out loud" here keeps me aware of just how stupid that sounds.

    I was on youtube the other day looking at lion videos (kinda cool) and I took notice of a video of two caged apes doing a 69. I thought it was funny, then I was like: WOAH. Turned off the internet and walked away. Pornography is so dam insidious; it's like my brain is constantly looking for the bait for my addiction to fall prey to.

    Feels good to be accountable to my goal. It has brought me closer to a spiritual connection. I never thought I had much of a problem with PMO, but, as I start this journey, I'm seeing things a little differently.

    Focus.
     
    J743, Dec 13, 2014
    J743, Dec 13, 2014
    #1
  2. Dec 13, 2014 #2
    superyo

    superyo Fapstronaut

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    Look, i have fallen victim to this thing way too many times.. I have beaten it once, could have great sex with no ED but with problems and stuff like that i went into it again.. it can swallow you if you let it.
    The most important thing i can tell you is AWARENESS. There are certain emotions you will feel at times, most of them negative that are linked to PMO in your brain. Either directly or indirectly(you want to supress them, make them go away etc). And some of them that you want to feel THROUGH PMO.
    But first you need to realize that these thoughs are lies your brain tells you and that you need to be aware of your feelings as much as you can. Once you feel an urge, don't let it grow. Realize you're feeling it, decide that it is a lie that is going to slow your reboot and in the long term cost you a fulfilling life you could have, and IGNORE the motherfucker. No matter what. Excuses are easy, believe me i have told thousands of them to myself. Sticking to a decision like a man is what's difficult.
     
    superyo, Dec 13, 2014
    superyo, Dec 13, 2014
    #2

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