How am I supposed to go through a process where others will accept me if I cannot accept myself? I was again asked to go through an acceptance ritual at work, as I was years ago, and it has brought me back to panic attacks. Beating myself up. I don’t want to have to be accepted by others to have to do my job. There’s no rule for that. I just want to do my job. In just a matter of a few hours, I’ve gone from being excited about my job to never wanting to step foot there again (I don’t have a choice; I’m legally obligated). All because some people expect people to go through this ritual. This has put me back into panic attacks.
There are inevitably going to be things in life that don't make sense and dont benefit us but that we have to anyway. It's just a part of living. There couldnt be good days without bad days. We just have to do our best and perservere through the trials and tribulations and strive to emerge stronger than before. Salvage what good you can from this and reflect but don't dwell on it. Appreciate the positive aspects of life and put the experience behind you as best you can.
It’s basically 6 weeks of advanced leadership training in which for at least the first 4 weeks everything you do is wrong, you are given more tasking than is possible, and everybody lies. It’s “optional”, but if you don’t go through it, some people (usually the assholes) will treat you like shit until you hopefully quit at the end of your contract, or agree to go through it.
An update: I’ve been assigned two sponsors today to get me through this. All parties involved are confused in that I’ve been doing well at my job for about 5 years despite never having gone through this ritual.
