Accountability Journal

Restarted the process of kicking this addiction for the last time. I tried last year, got it down to relapsing once every 3ish months, but then completely collapsed around September. I fell back in to once a week indulgences, and even looking at it on my phone while at work (reckless). Before I became a Christian when I was 20 (2016), porn was an everyday routine like brushing my teeth (even down to the same time of day). I did that from middle school until I was a sophomore in college (when I responded to Christ). Needless to say the old adage, bad habits are hard to kick. Ive been listening to “Your Brain on Porn” on repeat this past week and I can relate to a lot of what’s in there, and it helps keep the consequences of this destructive habit front and center. I’ve also realized that when I was porn free for 3 month sections last spring, summer, and fall, that was when everything was “bright”… is the only way I can describe it. And I think it has to do with my dopamine being able to reroute to productive activities instead of porn. Anyway, I can easily make it through one week if I want (done), but thoughts start coming to mind around week 2 and the body starts to crave around week 3. So now we’re heading into the thick of it.

I haven’t figured out how to add a signature on mobile, but it’s been 7 days.

 

Thanks!!

 

Just want to make a quick post before starting the week. 2 weeks down without PMO. Had more daydreams about porn that I was able to quickly shut down, but that’s about it. Caught myself thinking “what if I quit” thoughts… not even seriously considering it, almost like a daze. Snapped out of that as soon as I noticed and shut it down. I know from experience that those kinds of drifting thoughts can turn into actualities really quick. I’ve been pulling up these forums to get inspiration from other people working to get this out of there lives. I think this is a major source behind why this has been a much easier 2 weeks than I’ve experienced in the past 6 months.

 

Another week down. I toed the line on Tuesday this week when I saw a thumbnail for a video on YouTube and clicked it to see it. I knew it would only cause temptation, but I did it anyway. I know I’m not supposed to willfully engage in activity that activates the pathways that porn has carved into my mind, but curiosity got the better of me. Fortunately it didn’t cause too much of an issue, but i’ve fallen before by doing that very thing in the past. I really think that this forum helps immensely. Like CPilot said above, to walk arm and arm with brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling with this temptation is a huge encouragement. All glory goes to Christ for his grace in this endeavor, but there is also much to be said for people sharing their burdens… it makes the weight feel lighter.