After amazing NoFap success, have gf now, but fantasies are creeping in.

I have done really well after about 2 years of doing NoFap. Threw out all the porn. Haven't really masturbated in 2019 at all!

It was actually no surprise at all that, when I finally let go of my addiction to porn, masturbation and fantasy, an amazing woman entered my life and we have not been together for about 3 months.

To do all this, I needed to give up orgasms. I went almost 290 days with only 1 slip and 1 wet dream. In those last few months, I actually felt like I was no longer a slave to my fantasies. They would pop into my head and I would just turn them off. I never thought that would ever be possible!

Then the relationship started . . .

First challenge was continuing to not have orgasms while intimacy was building and we were both trying to not have sex for the first three months. (We made it about 1 month)

Then orgasms happened. That was really difficult to start having orgasms again after all that time, but not wanting to return to my old patterns of excessive orgasms. There are ways to have sex without orgasms (i.e. karezza) but my girlfriend really struggled with us being intimate while she had orgasms but me not having them . . . as if I was holding back at a time when people aren't supposed to be holding back. I get it.

It's been a real struggle. I don't want to be initiating endless sex with her just to get myself off. In fact, I felt really really good when I was avoiding orgasms (practicing semen retention) and feel very conflicted at times.

It seems that the more I have orgasms with her, the more I feel tempted to masturbate, the more I find myself thinking about porn (euphoric recall) and the more my old, very unhealthy fantasies keep popping up, the worst of which are fantasies of

Spoiler: Trigger Warning

cuckolding and premature ejaculation

I am wondering if anyone else has struggled with these fantasies or has tips on how to proceed. I want to have a healthy relationship with this woman. She really loves me and I don't want to be having these fantasies in my head and I don't want to end up spoiling the relationship.

The one that has really been getting me recently is the second fantasy.

Spoiler: Trigger Warning

I have never really had too much trouble with PE. Maybe because I masturbated so much and was desensitised. I had more of a problem with delayed ejaculation actually.
Most of the time I can last a long, long time. In fact, I can usually have sex for as long as we like and simply end it without having an orgasm.
Except . . . when we are just getting started and it feels so amazing to be inside her. Then the thought of PE comes into my mind . . . instantly triggering thoughts that she might start having sex with other men if I can't satisfy her as well as thoughts that I might then need to give her oral right afterwards to make up for it . . . and those thoughts are so intoxicating that I can lose all control and immediately orgasm inside of her, feeling completely drained and unable to go on afterwards.

As far as I know, she's happy, even if these fantasies do trigger PE in me. Perhaps she sees it as a sign that I am really into her (and I am!!)

But the fantasies worry me. And the more they creep into my mind during sex, the more they start creeping into my mind throughout the day.

I have effectively given up porn and masturbation, and have found a wonderful girlfriend, yet I am still (if not newly) haunted by these troubling fantasies.

Any feedback would be much appreciated!

 

Thank you for your reply. I certainly experienced a lot of healing from my fantasies when I was single and so far have still managed to resist the urge to MO or PMO!

And I have struggled for years now trying to figure out what is my true sexual nature and what are just unhealthy fantasies conditioned by excessive porn. And . . . regardless of where it came from, will it ever go away.

Hopefully it will stay in my head, but I am worried that my fantasies of prematurely ejaculating (and the old fantasies that PE can trigger for me) will lead to me prematurely ejaculating more and more often. I mean, it's already happened once. And I am struggling to stop fantasising about that. Will it happen again? Will it start to happen more and more often?