Almost 18 and never had a girlfriend

Yes, I've had that period in my life where I considered my introvertedness a bad thing. I thought, "this is the thing that is keeping me from everything that I want"...only it wasn't. It was that line of thinking that was holding me back.

I found a girl at age 21, pretty much the same guy I was. Just being myself. It was a chance encounter that happened to grow into something special.

However, that "something special" only lasted about a month or so. I considered my work done when we became "official". "I've done it", I thought, "I finally got a girlfriend!" I wasn't ready to handle the hard parts of being in a relationship, and about 3 months into the relationship, we broke up.

It probably goes without saying, but it's not about finding "a" girl, but finding "the" girl. Don't be such in a rush to get involved in a relationship, or have sex for that matter. These things simply aren't as important as you make them out to be. In my opinion, you need to work on reversing this line of thinking. Not only to find "the" girl, but for the sake of your personal development as well.

The big things that are holding you back right now (only that I'm able to read and personally interpret) are a lack of confidence, and irrational thinking. These things aren't your fault, however you and only you are responsible for it. As you say, you belong to an environment where it's rare to be an 18-year-old virgin who's never had a girlfriend. It would be super, super easy to believe that you would be an outsider among your peers if these are the social conditions that you've grown up with. You must not hold this in your belief system. It's only going to hold you back. Be patient with yourself!

Remember, it's not an inherently bad thing to be shy. It's not an inherently bad thing to be introverted. It's also not an inherently bad thing to be a virgin. Never, ever, let social conditioning make you believe something about yourself that simply isn't true.

 

i was 18 when I kissed a girl for the first time lol. Everything else happened soon after. Its not a big deal. I acctuslly didnt want sex right away for quite a while because i was enjoying everything else so much.

 

If you are an introvert it is what you are. Finding ways to be outgoing is going to be person specific. I find myself outgoing through competition solely. So I cling to it. I run. I lift weights. I play in leagues and tournaments for various sports. It's my only outlet. It's my only place with friends. I cannot even speak to strangers or order food at a restaurant. I cannot stand paying for things. I have never returned anything at a store. Yet, with sports, I can be a leader and create game plans and help others succeed and make other people around me better.

Find that thing for you. Embrace it. Get better at it, and it will snowball. Just don't expect it to necessarily come to every aspect of your life. I've played sports 20 years and still can't order my own food at a restaurant or return an improper fitting shirt to a store or even exchange it.

 

It's nice how every so often I come across a cool guy like you. When I was 18 like some of the Fapstronauts said, my mindset was very similar to yours. I was a dropout in high school, couldn't talk to girls, and was a total loser. But here's the thing, if I just focused on myself around that age, I wouldn't have gone through all the shit I just experienced within the last few years. Trust me, I've wanted a girlfriend all my life, but I got rejected, used, and heartbroken many times. I just decided to break this habit this year. Dude, I'm 28 and I don't even have a girlfriend yet. Does that bother me? Not really and I'll tell you why.

I remember chasing girls around your age. I was sensitive, naive, and impulsive. And because of these behaviors due to constant fapping, I never really understood how to properly approach a female. Thus, I was heartbroken many times. In fact, last year I got my heart ripped open into a million pieces by a woman who I trusted, cared for, and loved. Do NOT follow the same path as I did. Okay? I'm telling you this for your own good. What's funny is that an older male once told me the same thing, but I chose to ignore him. Guess what? He was right. So trust people who are more experienced and older than you.

This year I decided to change myself. I started to find a passion so I could focus on myself and that was horticulture. I got into public speaking since I was shy like you and got out of my comfort zone (this will help you around girls). I love it. I also have a college degree and a job in my field. So focus on yourself. Okay? Be the best version of YOU and do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. When you do this, you will meet someone with the same mindset, and your relationship will be that much better.

In addition, my confidence in girls has definitely improved within the last 10 years. I was rejected many times, but I gave myself credit for trying. I could have had a girlfriend last year, but I wasn't ready. She ended up picking another guy. However, she and I just clicked, and I now know the type of women I want: strong, independent, and outgoing. Her personality fits me completely because I'm kinda shy while she is more loose and easy going. I've also talked to a lot of girls and I even have college female friends whom I hang out with. How did I do this?

I worked on myself. In the back of my mind, I knew I was going to get a girlfriend someday because I haven't even reached my full potential yet. Because of my passions, my willingness to succeed, and my determination to become the best version of myself, I've been able to become more confident in myself and girls in general. So do me a favor, get your mind off of girls and just focus on yourself. Please.

I don't want to discourage you even though you haven't had a girlfriend yet; I mean I could have had one but it was the wrong timing. So I'm in the same boat as you. Girls don't bother me like they used to because I have my attention on something else. And I love horticulture and public speaking. So pick a passion and stick with it. In addition, DON'T be afraid to take risks with girls. Sooner or later you have to man up if you want a girl to approach you. Even if you get rejected or not, you will learn something about yourself, maybe something you never knew.

So take my word for it: work on the things you can improve on and girls can come later. Trust me, if I knew this when I was your age, I would have gotten a girlfriend by now. But I know someday I will. Always work hard for what you want; opportunities will come and go, but taking action beforehand is more meaningful. Good luck man! May you be a better version of myself when I was 18

 

this is a great post because it relates to my life. I'm 42 years old now and I didn't have sex until I was 18 or 17. I can't remember. There's a girl who was younger than me who's already been with three guys and house Guy number four. I called myself a late bloomer I look now at my great life and experiences. Part of me wishes I had sex allows 14 yet the other part states that I was not ready. So here's a quick history of the interactions that I've had with women.
I had three amazing love affairs and I almost got married. I have been with 50 girls just us sex buddies. I traveled to over 30 countries and have experienced the women there. From Russia, to Germany to Columbia, the Thailand, and the list goes on. There I have been with over 200 amazing hookers. They were compassionate single mothers working in the front establishments and we had a great time.
That I mentioned that I was also an introvert?
With time and patience you will have the kind of fun you want to have. I know it sucks not to have sex with the woman in you should have sex with that woman. That's one of the reasons that I stopped watching porn is to truly appreciate a female for what she has and not just a sex object. I'm at a point in my life where sex without the emotional connection is not fulfilling for me. I was on a website where I was hooking up with girls half my age for money. These girls were not hookers but they needed extra cash. In the beginning I was super excited but after 15 girls I realized I was still craving sex. So I'm looking for somebody like you call my girlfriend and share my life with. But it took me many years to get to the stage of my life. I think porn influenced me in the wrong direction because I was just focus on the sex. Different positions and all the other crap that comes with watching porn.

There's nothing more amazing then when a girl cares about you and helps you out in life. I miss that and I wanted back.

 

Hey man hang in there!! i am in the same situation. I never had a serious girlfriend or experience love. I am in this journey too. Just be yourself and to step out your comfort zone!