An opinion on this? Pls :(

I don't know if this is the right section to post this but here goes.
Tonight I've been with a girl I've known since Nov last year. I've never been with her the way I was tonight though. She was on her period so that was a fucking relief to be honest. To cut to the chase, we were alone in my car making out. I told her to come in the back seat. We made out again, she got on top, asked me if she could take off my tshirt, I agreed obviously. I asked if I could take off her shirt and bra, she agreed. All the while I was about 25-35% hard. She got off, I kissed her, we cuddled. 40% boner. She started undoing my belt and my pants. I could feel a rush in my dick but no harder boner. She reached for my dick and when she touched it through my underpants it was as if I lost all feeling in it. I could feel it shrivelling and shrinking and retreating inside my body. I took her hand and explained her what I'm going through and what my problem was.
Now, what do you make of all this? It's my third week without P (only Psub was pictures of girls on fb, no fantasizing, and when fantasies did pop into my mind I was making efforts to dismiss them) and 6th day without MO (I had a moment of weakness after seeing some girls on fb, but it was a quickie, no fantasies were involved). Do you think making out and touching and all that is beneficial to my recovery? Would it help my brain rebuild the normal reflexes (ie, 'you have a naked girl on top of you, you should be fucking rock hard bro') when confronted with such situations? I will not fantasize about this, nor will I look up P or MO thinking about this, I have no intention to relapse whatsoever.

 

Agreed about Psubs and MO, I was weak, but no way in hell am I going to give up on making out and cuddling or anything that doesn't involve my penis, because I like all that, a lot. Does that count as sexual activity?

 

Well there will be no sex since I can't get it up lol. I thought cuddling and kissing would help my brain resensitize itself, since those actions release far less dopamine than watching P and edging.

 

It will later, but not now. This is way too soon.

 

From Your Brain on Porn (take a look at that site if you haven't - it'll answer a lot of questions:
"What if I Can't Quit Masturbating," or "I Have a Girlfriend/Wife/Partner?"
Relax and focus on giving up porn. The last thing you want to do is to become so "anal" that you never attempt to give up porn. Check out this thread on The Orgasm Reboot, and this thread on a cult being developed around masturbation being unhealthy. The take away from both threads is that guys quit trying because they think they delude themselves that rebooting is all or none: "If you masturbate you have failed". This is complete nonsense. Here's one guy's experience:

"If you are struggling, I would try to cut just porn out first. I found it too difficult to do both nofap and pornfree at first, but then I tried just pornfree alone. I found that my urge to masturbate slowly decreased to a healthier amount, and that I felt no reason to view pornographic content. If you can do both, go for it. But if you continue to fail after a few days, I would recommend this. It did wonders for me."

Apply black & white thinking to your porn use, but not to masturbation or sex with your mate. Today's internet porn is the problem. Porn use is what altered your brain and caused your sexual dysfunction or ED. If quitting porn is all you can handle, then simply stop using porn and gauge the results. As stated, sexual stimulation with a partner can be a good thing, although orgasm can cause cravings, and may slow ED recovery. In fact, fooling around with your partner is great as it wires you to the real deal. Some guys suggest gentle intercourse with no ejaculation, while others mix in ejaculation. If you have ED and decide to regularly orgasm, do not compare yourself to rebooting accounts where guys abstained from orgasm. If you are trying to reboot and have a partner see the following FAQs:

 

^thanks for replying. I read all threads I could find on google regarding rebooting with a partner and they all confirmed my opinion, physical contact during reboot is great to have, I mean, isn't this the reason for rebooting in the first place? To make physical contact feel great.
Even if I manage to get hard to have sex, I don't feel like I'll O from it, so I guess that's rather ok, no chaser effect afterwards. And even if I O, I'm mentally prepared to deal with the effect, I always think about the long term and how it's not healthy to succumb to it.
I will never touch porn again in my life, even if in my moments of weakness I'll look up cute girls on fb, I'll never click on a porn video, that shit is out of my life for good.
Another question if I may, how do I get one of those counters in my signature? That would be helpful.

 

OK gentlemen, I think I'm on the right path. Last night I've been with a girl I've known for almost 4 years. We were classmates during school. She knows about my problem because 3 weeks ago we wanted to have sex and I failed. This was the time I started a thread here.
A little insight before the important part. We made out, as usual, took off her shirt, took off mine, we hugged, we cuddled, we kissed (a lot), all that good stuff. I often joked about my problem, she laughed, and since she was on her period (ain't that just my luck) and she knows I can't get it up, there was really no pressure on me, because I knew nothing was going to happen. All this time my boner was on and off to about 40% max. She started undoing my belt and fly. Then she gently stroked my dick through my underpants. It felt good. This time it didn't shrivel and die like last time but it didn't get harder either. Only when she pulled it out and slowly rubbed it did I feel it getting harder, to about 85-90%. If she wasn't on her period I really think I could've gone through with it, not all the way to O, but that's not a big deal yet.
The important part is that I managed to get hard just by her touch, there were no fantasies involved. And I am glad for it, It really boosted my confidence.

 

@m0lia In theory abstaining from everything should help you to get healthy faster. But if it's too much for you to handle and/or you don't care about time and don't mind waiting longer before you fully recover then go on. It's not gonna prevent you from recovery from porn, just will slow it down. As long as you are making progress, whatever works for you mate.

 

Hello man! It's really not a problem. The reboot takes time. Your subconscious mind is changing. U can enjoy sexual activities as long it's with another human being. Keep going man! You ar doing a wonderful job!

 

Really appreciate all your replies.
From what I read in all the threads about rebooting with a partner, the only thing that could slow the process is O'ing. I don't think I can O with a girl just yet, but I'm so glad my boner is coming back, and if the opportunity presents itself, I won't deny the sex.
I'll post here if anything important happens. Cheers brothers.

 

Gentlemen, I failed. I was again with the girl I've known for 4 years and I tried to have sex and I failed. When she was playing with my dick I was about 85% hard, but when she got on top and tried to put it, it slowly died. At that point I knew it's not coming back no matter what I do.
Will I ever be able to have sex? My confidence is quite shot right now. I won't relapse, I'll stick to my goal, but I don't really think I'll ever experience normal sex.

 

@m0lia exactly this. What you are doing is very counter productive. You say you are not willing to give up cuddling, making out and like I said that's fine, if you can't handle that. Like I said above, whatever works for you, as long as you are making progress. But don't expect your penis to work so fast. It doesn't work that way. If you give everything up (sex, P, MO and O'ing intentionally no matter if with partner or not) it might take you 3 months to fully heal. But since you are not willing to give everything up it might take you 6 or 8 months to heal. You want it to happen faster and are impatient but at the same time you are not willing to fully give up everything. I think you need to stop and re-evaluate your priorities here. What's more important to you? A working penis as fast as you can or scratching an itch of sexual pleasures? Cos you can't have both. Either be patient and wait for 6 months to a year, with trying to have sex and failing. Or go full Hard Mode and wait less.

 

I guess I'll try and fail for as long as it takes then, or at least until the girls have had it with me trying and failing.

 

@m0lia My point is not that you should do it in one particular way. What I mean is that it's silly for you to expect so fast results and be so impatient. By keeping trying like this, without giving it some realistic time to heal first, all you will accomplish is depression, frustration, embarrass yourself in front of a girl, slowly destroy your confidence and make yourself feel like crap cos of failure. Why do you need that? Wouldn't it be better to heal and recover in dignity?

Anyways, if you so much want to be sexually active you can. You could still make out and cuddle and stuff. Maybe use that time to build more deeper emotional type of connection with somebody, instead of just empty, meaningless sex, so when time comes it feels more special for you two? A state of mind with somebody where you would feel safe and no pressure to perform, which might make things more simple and more enjoyable. And if you do want to have sex you don't need to be hard for that. There are many ways how to do it, ya know. You might try a method called Karezza, or something similar to that, where the goal is not orgasm, but just the experience of intimacy itself, not goal oriented. Or simply focusing on her without even intending to finish yourself, and possibly holding it back if you get there. Instead of making yourself and girl frustrated that can actually build connection instead, and make her feel more special. My point is that maybe it would be beneficial for you to stop focusing so much on "the hard performance" and finish line for a while. Let it rest and heal, and explore different perspectives and methods of sexuality and erotic connection.

Anyways, just an advice. Take it or leave it. Good luck mate.