Another relapse, but some some realisations to avoid the downward spiral

Coming out of flatline on day 7, the triggers get more and more subtle until. They then gradually draw me in until I am past the point of no return towards porn, then the usual sequence. This time it took me further back to trying to making an appointment with a prostitute and discussing on webcam what we were going to do. This is a more severe relapse than before and in a way showing me the addiction has a lot of fight left. On a positive note, i did not O, and if I make it to a week now I will have broken a record and hopefully broken the cycle. The cycle takes me back to a phase worse than before then I feel guilt and shame and spiral down. This time I feel that if I can get past 7 days, then I will have beaten that part of the addiction and look forward to seeing which other parts are left to beat.

 

That was really painful resetting the counter, but I dont want to lie to myself or anyone on here. The next goal takes me upto the new year, I must be wary of many triggers subtle or otherwise.

 

The reason I am posting now is that after such a major relapse, I usually take days/weeks/months before I start on a streak again. This time I have started immediately, but I have been awoken in the night (from a nightmare of letting down people important in my life) and have made it to my computer presumably in the hope that I will restart PMO. Before I did not have this forum and am writing here in the hope that the next few hours/days do not see a relapse.

 

Thanks guys. I don't have an accountability partner yet, but will look for one