Anyone have a kik/sexting addiction?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Bizzle, May 9, 2018.

  1. Bizzle

    Bizzle Fapstronaut

    I was wondering if this is common or not. While trying to quit PMO, ive managed to stop looking at porn, but am constantly on kik talking to girls, and it seems really unhealthy and a way to waste a lot of time throughout the day when I could be being productive. I recently accidentally sync'd my contacts and some of my friends showed up on the list. It was obvious by their names or pics why they are on there, so I know I cant be alone on this issue, but just wondering if anyone is battling this addiction also?
     
    natsea likes this.
  2. glitchblaster19

    glitchblaster19 Fapstronaut

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    yah a lot of us have this issue. it is called a porn substitute. remember you will only be truly successful if you have right intentions
     
    kio_actualized and natsea like this.
  3. natsea

    natsea New Fapstronaut

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    Me too. And this is much more of an issue for me than porn ever was. I also found that over time I needed more and more explicit sexting and trading to get me aroused. It just got the point that it was messing up my idea of sexual arousal and interaction. So I want to stop it altogether but I still haven't deleted the app because I have some guys on there that I talk to regularly, although I know it's just a temptation :(. What do you recommend I do? At least one of them is convinced he's in love with me, which makes me feel bad about quitting. But I fear it's only a matter of time before my kinks start to invade the conversation.

    Another problem is Grindr, which I'm at a loss with because I'm on PM (not PMO) and it is a legitimate way to find a hookup, however I also know there are nights where it doesn't pan out for whatever reason and I just receive a horde of dick pics. Again, more temptation. Again, at a loss.
     
  4. Bizzle

    Bizzle Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the response @natsea I was really hoping to hear that someone was in a similar situation as me. I have a problem deleting the apps too for similar reason. The only suggestion I have, and what I have done a few times, is delete the conversation, and ignore the first time the message you. Now I can't continue to ignore someone if they genuinely want to talk to me, but a lot of the times i've found that they never message me back, and were likely just using me also. If you get to a point where you don't have any active convos going that would be the best time to delete the app and start your PM journey. I've did this with a couple dating apps but I cant get rid of snapchat and kik yet and I know its bad for me :(
    I would be interested in hearing about your progress if you want to keep posting, and I wish you the best of luck as we fight this addiction together!
     
    natsea likes this.
  5. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    I never got into those types of websites. Threads like this is my first time learning about them. But I am familiar with texting addiction, always hoping for another message from that special someone, etc. Hoping I had a missed call from someone when I see my phone.

    PMO is an extreme of "sex without love or intimacy" and making myself and the other person into a "sex object" (sexual objectification)

    so I guess if I used one of those it would be another degree of "sex without love or intimacy" and "sexual objectification".

    So part of my recovery is to learn about sharing love and intimacy with another person. Then it would be OK to have sex if I had love and intimacy with her over a period of time. So I have to let go of the idea of sex, because if I am trying to make love and intimacy happen so that it results in sex, I'm missing the point. So I am trying not make other people into sex objects in my mind but instead treat everyone as a person.

    This is also healing for me because in my PMO addiction I treated myself as a sex object in a lot of ways. I treated my body as a drug. Now I have to learn to treat myself as a human being too.

    ...Strong words but I am only on day 22 so lets see how long it lasts LOL
     
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  6. Bizzle

    Bizzle Fapstronaut

    This is pretty spot on with what i am dealing with. There is a lot of trying to make love and intimacy happen for the wrong reasons, and kind of creates these unhealthy relationships that are hard to let go of.
    Also congrats on your 22 days, sounds like you are doing pretty well!
     
  7. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    Thanks Bizzle :) Yeah focusing on love and intimacy is not always my first thought but what I want to start thinking of
     
  8. natsea

    natsea New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, while I empathise a lot with PMO addict, I also see my needs as slightly different. Having gone through a horrendous break up with a person that I truly did love, I'm not at the stage where I believe in it nor want it. I'm kind of flying solo and learning to love myself. As such, my main goal of nofap is not necessarily to treat my sexual partner as an equal love interest with intimacy and such, but rather to prevent PIED and focus on the actual sex instead of porn-related fantasies. Because I am not in PMO, I am still open to the idea of having non-intimate sex with a person I don't necessarily have strong feelings for. In fact, I prefer it that way. I don't want to get involved again to suffer what I went through yet again... If anything, I want to boost my sexual performance and boost my attraction to real sex situations. Although perhaps the answer to that is also what you are mentioning. Without a doubt, sex with a person I am romantically associated with (or at least admire for more than his body) is the best kind of sex for many reasons and my performance is mostly satisfactory (it also comes hand in hand with reduced porn appetite). But the caveat is that with romantic attachment comes the risk of losing that romance and going through a very rough time.

    The balance in my life right now that I am agreeing with is, PM abstaining for 90 days, improving my sexual performance, while avoiding romantic attachments. Perhaps a fling or such would be ideal, so long as we both know it's not going to last and it's just for fun. The barrier between sex and love gets blurry after a few times and things tend to get messy. Humans are quite complicated, aren't we?

    But either way, deleting these apps is the next step in my journey. Or at least reducing their use to purely networking. Eventually, I suppose I will have to get back into the swing of things and allow myself the faith to engage in romance. Or perhaps these things happen by themselves, by pure chance. Who knows? It seems likely that reducing porn, reducing porn related fetishes, reducing objectification, etc. will nevertheless lead eventually to the blossoming of infatuation. The cycle of life drags on.
     
    PMO addict likes this.
  9. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    Thanks natsea. That makes sense too. I didn't mean to sound all "black and white" about it.
     
  10. Bizzle

    Bizzle Fapstronaut

    Its so hard for me to quit because of the relationships. Porn doesnt do that to me. I hate that I know i'm using these girls because I dont actually want to date them. I think i agree with natsea that if its mutually just sex then there isn't as much guilt in that. The problem for me is that I feel like I have to get them to like me first, and maybe I actually like that they want more than just a sexting buddy, and I feel awful that I think that way with no intention of dating them
     
    Wildfrank75 and PMO addict like this.
  11. Bizzle

    Bizzle Fapstronaut

    just curious, does anyone have suggestions for how to end these toxic relationships? Do I tell the other person my problem and hope they understand, or just delete them and leave them feeling confused. I know this is all my fault, I just want to do whatever i can to make the rest of my life the best of my life (as an inspirational speaker says)
     
    PMO addict likes this.
  12. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    Ending the relationships is trickier than just stopping looking at porn because there are real peoples feelings on the other line. Depending how toxic it is for you, you might want to just go cold turkey on them, so you can just walk away. If its that toxic for you then you're better off taking care of yourself and removing yourself from the situation, instead of trying to think about their needs. It sounds cold but thats how I initially ended relationships that were bad for me when I began recovery from codependency (which is one way of describing these issues). I just had to get out and didn't have the skills yet to do it more gently. They are adults and they will have to process their own feelings.

    You might also want to try to learn more about recovering from codependency. There's the sex addiction part with these people, then the unhealthy/dependent relationship part. So learning about recovering from codependency might be a good step in general if you struggle with this. Then you could start identifying what parts of these relationships come from an unhealthy dynamic and if your true, healthy self has any way of continuing to participate in them.
     
  13. Bizzle

    Bizzle Fapstronaut

    PMO addict likes this.
  14. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    you're welcome thanks for asking
     

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