Anyone here been to therapy?

Just short term, don't have stories so much but it also depends on what kind of therapy they practice which would be good to read up about if you haven't already like psychodynamic or whatever.

 

I’ve been to therapy on and off in my late 20s. I don’t know how there could really be a downside, to be honest, other than the high cost here in America (that insurance does and sometimes doesn’t cover). I think young men have an especially hard time goal-setting and it turns into some form of resentment/ addiction, or they have an easy time goal-setting but have trouble actualizing the goal (this was more me) and when times seem hopeless they too slide into either addiction or resentment.

The one word of advice is that you need to try to be as honest as possible with your therapist, like exceed your own expectations of honesty for them. Try to catch yourself bullshitting. This will save a lot of their time and your time. And even if you are a generally honest person, you will still see the most progress if you try to tell the hardest truths you know, even if you have to dig them up.

My therapist told me she didn’t take alcoholic/ addict (drug-related) patients a lot of the time because they have such a difficult time with honest that it’s too pathological, and she sees so little progress because they can’t get past that.

 

You could ask them how they would describe their work. Of course a part of it is trusting their guidance but maybe phrase it in a way where you emphasize you want to play an active part in the therapeutic process, and that you just want to be generally familiar.

 

Yeah man, I've seen two personal therapists, one marriage counselor, and a pair of life coaches.

You go in, you sit in a comfortable chair or couch. The first session you talk about your situation and your goals and it's usually not so personal, more "housekeeping" stuff. They talk about how important your boundaries are and you can always say no and back out if it isn't a "good fit," like you'd be able to differentiate a good or bad fit on your own with zero experience. Subsequent visits, as they get a better feel for you, they get deeper into your stuff. If it gets uncomfortable they're generally good at reading body language and non verbals, so they can help you calm down, or open up, whatever is needed to make you feel "safe" and "heard" and all that crap. Then they try to end on a positive note and give you some actionable things to do until your next visit. You put that off until the day before your next visit, so it looks like you're committed and you have something to report, and you start talking about that and then go onto the next thing, wherever your therapist led free associating leads you. Then you end on another positive note, and so it goes.

Tl;dr I narcissistically bloviate about my therapy experiences for 1.2k words

First therapist was shortly after I started NoFap roughly 4 years ago. It was a tumultuous time, I confessed my ongoing P abuse & current effort to quit to the SO, and she wanted to be supportive. I thought I was enjoying progress with just the online community, but she insisted I see a pro about breaking addiction & I wanted to demonstrate commitment to the relationship, so I went along with it.
I sat in a chair (no couch like they show in most older movies, I think that's a Freud thing), and talked about what I wanted to get out of therapy. He didn't see P as especially addictive or quite as necessarily toxic to a marriage/romantic relationship as believed here on the forum. However, the custome- I mean patient is always right, and they at least try to practice what they preach and validate as much as they can. Since he didn't have any special experience with P he gave me generic addiction breaking information and "homework," and like I suspected, didn't help much beyond what NoFap was already telling me. Avoid triggers, replace behaviors, bond with SO and be communicative, etc., and for homework I wrote out reasons to eschew the fantasy world for the real one. That part was a decent exercise.
Things were quite smooth, I think I masked a bit. I was only there to break an addiction and was doing fairly well at it, so I saw him maybe four times, never had a reset in that period, so we scheduled a followup a month out and, me being me, I forgot & never saw him again. Maybe I should have, because I did reset during that month and maybe we would have had something to talk about.

Despite the reset(s) I continued to do generally well as far as quitting P goes, but my overall mood declined. In retrospect, I'd been relying heavily on exercise to replace the dopamine previously supplied by P, and when I dislocated my shoulder bad enough to tear my labrum & needed surgery, I had that source stripped from me along with exacerbation of negative self image habits started in my youth from ADHD (I was journaling at this time, you can see my mood digressing day to day, it's kind of impressive if I do say so). I presented as severely depressed and could. not. deal. When my youngest daughter attempted to delay her bedtime by asking for a drink of water & I responded by ramming my head into a wall, I agreed to go back to therapy. My wife picked a different guy, along with a consult to the family Dr. to start an anti-depressant.
I was insistent with this new guy that my P addiction contributed to my depression, but he strongly disagreed. He said my inability to meet my self imposed (and what he thought unreasonable) expectations was contributing to negative thoughts, and recommended I stop NoFap efforts for the time. This ran very much counter to my own judgement, but this was a disorienting time for me and I was losing concept of what was real or true and no longer trusted that judgement. I followed his advice and dropped NoFap.
The experience itself was much different from the first time, in part because my mental state was different. My experience also might be different from yours because I am generally a self loathing misanthrope, especially when I'm feeling down, so it was difficult for me to buy in to anything he said. Basically, therapists are paid friends and I didn't/don't much like myself to begin with, so all the "it's okay, you're not a bad person, your feelings are valid, whatever you want to do" stuff sounds a lot like bullshit & I didn't trust him to kick me in the ass if/when I needed it. After he did call me on my own bullshit once or twice and did his own version of gentle, affirming ass-kicking, I was a little more trusting.
Once again, sit in a chair/comfortable couch, and talk. Let them lead the discussion, they're experienced at getting to the heart of things pretty fast, though they'll always let you talk about what you want first. I think they prefer it that way, because it gives them something to work with but at the same time, they can take it in a more insightful direction than where you would have gone if it was strict personal reflection, if that makes any sense.

Marriage counselor was basically the same, but now I had to do it with the W sitting next to me. Awkward. We have a weird relationship dynamic (hence the therapy). After our allotted sessions I felt like maybe not all of our problems were my fault, but she felt like the guy took my side all the time and everything was her fault, and now she won't see another marriage counselor because she thinks I'm too charismatic and can trick new people into liking me and thinking she's the bad guy. I am not charismatic, but whatever. We started "life coaches" instead because they aren't "therapists" but mostly because one of them was already her online friend so I get to share that experience as well.
They insist all the time they are not much like therapists and what they do is only tangentially related to therapy. They are in reality exactly like therapists, only they can't call themselves that for healthcare/legal reasons. They say the exact same things using the exact same language as the two personal therapists and the marriage counselor.
This, as well as my ongoing therapy with the second guy, has been done through video conference because of geographical differences/a certain virus. You log in, there's that classic time delay, typical technical difficulties, but it's pretty much the same. Find a comfortable seat and talk about your feelings and strategies for managing them for 50 mins.

There's some terminology and concepts you have to learn, like "valid." Most people are used to that meaning "true." I was used to the word in a philosophical sense, which means "self supporting." In a therapeutic context it means something like, "it's okay to have this feeling and it is useful for learning about yourself," or something. I'm not very good at this, despite 4-ish years of doing it every other week. There's also a thing about conflicting narratives being simultaneously true, which throws me for a loop. What it really means is, Person A (me) feels like this narrative is true and will behave accordingly, and person B (my wife) feels like a conflicting narrative is true and will behave accordingly, and these conflicting narratives are both "valid." My impulse is to say "f&#% you, 2+2= 4, either A is true, B is true, or neither are true, you can't have it both ways you slimy liar so one of us is wrong" but this is the opposite of the framework a therapist wants to foster. They hate words like "wrong" and "fault" and "blame," and making one person responsible for the problems, even though the very act of seeing a therapist implies something is wrong and some behaviors need to change. It's very confusing to me, but some things are insightful and useful and sometimes I feel better after, and I haven't rammed my head into any more walls.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Oh god I have a story and I’m phone posting so I’m going to need to post a second part.

My life has been full of trials and tribulations, most of which I will not elaborate on because most of it is not that exciting and a little embarrassing and I don’t want a pity party. This is your thread.

I was born with OCD. A form of OCD that presents itself as more of a demonic curse than an ironic quirk.

I have seen many therapists in my life. Some competent, some not.

First were the school councilors. They d not care about you, they’re there for a checkbox. Unless you’re one of the winners, whom they pick (I was not). They will do nothing for you but collect paperwork from you PCP. They offered me no help or guidance, as there title states, just “I’m sorry to here that, anon. Let’s talk about your future. Have you thought about the army?”

There was the state provided social workers. Who despite there lack of resources, were actually really helpful. I’ve used three. One was really good but went back to her native country and another was very competent at her craft. The last was an Orthodox Jew and he was phenomenal. Before visiting I was something of anti-semite, but he understood the human psyche very well. The only reason I mention his religion, because despite my theological disagreements I believe practicing jews are some of the best equipped people to understand symbolism and the human soul, given that they learn to read on very complex religious texts.

Now the ones who ran private practices. Were less than phenomenal. One I had, had more baggage than I did and felt she didn’t have the personality compatible with mine. The other I feel wasn’t equipped to treat men.

Now psychiatrists, I’ll have to come back to that.

 

Ooh, make your own thread and tell us voyeuristic drama llamas all about it. Is it in your journal?

Huzzah for experience overcoming prejudice!

Good stuff on the other insights, thanks for sharing.

 

I've been to a therapist as my life with my ex-wife was getting too much to bear. She was toxic beyond belief and I just needed to vent.
The more I talked, the more I realized just what kind and how much shit have I really endured - saying it out loud really changes your perspective on how you see past events.

 

It's really nothing interesting lol.

I'm sure the reasons I'd give would violate community guidelines and get this thread or any other thread I make on the subject nuked.

I'm happy to PM to discuss it though.

 

Yeah I did therapy pre covid. It was nice, wasn't exactly what I wanted and at times I didn't feel completely understood but I think it was the push I needed to realize I already have all the tools I need to lead my life, which I think is the ultimate goal of most therapists. With that being said a psychologist might focus more on your behavioral patterns and any potential diagnostics, they can help with goal setting if their personal approach is like that but they may not always do so. Even though its your first time, follow your intuition and don't assume things are "supposed to be this way" like a lot of therapy newbies do. If anything feels off or too rigid or too open ended and vague, communicate that. Most decent professionals don't really have an ego about that sort of thing and would rather you don't waste each others time with an approach that doesn't work for you and they may even refer you to someone they know who sounds more like your type. Good luck!

 

I have ADHD, so yeah, went to therapy more than three times. Some of the therapists were terrible, mainly because of how much time my coverage paid them for (15 minutes).

But one actually helped me out. A lot. Instead of throwing me on drugs, we worked with programs to help strengthen focus and calm that wild mind of mine. In fact, that's where meditation practice started. He was an amazing doc, no doubt.

As @gordie mentioned, it's best to be open and honest about everything, no matter how ashamed you may feel. When I visited the one who actually helped me, I was so blunt about everything that he chuckled a bit. It made the solutions easier to come up with and practice.

Good luck @AtomicTango hope all goes well for you.

 

Yeah, been going for a while.. it's good to have someone to talk too, it's not like talking to every person of course.. with my psychologist I've went as personal as I can even told him about nofap and semen retention so that really helps. An hour appointment of talking about everything thats in your nerves and he isn't like a normal person he diagnoses the problem and gives you tools to deal with it.. one week without him is like stopping anxiety pills it's hard.

Honestly without him I'd go nuts right now.

 

Back where I left off.

This is basically my gripe with psychiatrists.

I, unfortunately, am unable to naturally sleep and the psychiatrist I visited instead threw me on a cocktail of MK-ultra mind-altering substances that either completely pacified me, killed my libido, or sent me into spirals of debilitating depression. Granted this med experimentation happened when I was an adolescent so there may be other factors at play. I eventually ended up on a med that is used for schizophrenics and people with BPD, as much as I LARP as a schizophrenic I am not one, and I don't have BPD, I can regulate my emotions just fine. He gave it to me for the off-label use of causing drowsiness, which works very effectively. This medication has horrible side effects after prolonged use, and I fear I will never be able to quit it. It can cause neck droop and tremours, luckily I have a strong neck so hopefully, that doesn't happen until I am much older, but it's still a possibility. When I finally have a real job I play on getting a sleep study done, to see if there is any way to get off of this med and sleep as god intended if enough damage hasn't already been done.

He was also extremely egotistical. It was clear to me, psychiatry was more of a job pushed onto him than something he actually wanted to do. The Hippocratic Oath must have been a hangover memory for him, as he did not acknowledge any attempt I made to refuse care. He wanted to throw me in an outpatient program that would completely cripple my social life, it wasn't until I got my parents on my side and threatened to go to his bosses, that he ceased. Mind you at this point in treatment, my symptoms were perfectly managed with medication and therapy, and what brought on this torture was an unfortunate episode that sent me to the hospital, which really was coming to god experience and as Alex said in Clockwork Orange, "I was cured, alright..." - That was literally me.

Mind you I'm completely fine now. Teen years can be really rough for a person.

 

I got very lucky and the Ortho counselor I just referenced, recognized porn as very harmful. Actually now that I think of it, all the counselors who I've confessed to seeing porn as harmful. I guess I'm like in that spectrum.

 

My psychiatrist gave me Lexapro and Zyprexa. I was like an animal being used on different type of drugs for experiment. I always started with Lexapro and perphanan how ever you call that, then she moved me to risperidone, then to zyprexa. Zyprexa is dangerous even though I'm skinny it added some fat I had to burn. Can't blane her for the zyprexa though because I went to get recommendation from another psychiatrist.

When I stopped all of the medications if life was bad it turned hell and I started to miss different things, and eventually I ended up relapsing too.

 

Exactly my experience.

It's just treatment, not a cure. Because cure's end the problem, and problems make money.