Are you willing to date an impotent man?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by RachelThorpe, Aug 29, 2019.

  1. RachelThorpe

    RachelThorpe Fapstronaut

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    Is it possible for anyone to date a man with impotency issue and make a strong relationship?
     
  2. lfromcr

    lfromcr Fapstronaut

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    Hmmm... to answer your title, I don't think I would ever date an impotent man. My sex drive is a bit too high for that.

    But the second question is broader. I think it's possible to date an impotent man AND make a strong relationship, but it depends on a few factors:

    1) It would depend on if the man have a desire for sex, but is impotent, or if he has no desire for sex. Because that would change the following answers.

    2) It would depend on the woman's sex drive, and if a sexless marriage would make up a strong relationship for her.
    (I have a couple clients for whom the relationship didn't work out that I know they would need an impotent man in order to have a healthy relationship. One was because she was so sexually wounded by her Ex. The other was because she has medical issues that makes sex nearly impossible. So I think, for her, she would have more peace knowing the man didn't have much of a desire for sex either versus having a high sex drive but not being able to perform in bed.

    3) What gives rise to the impotency: Is it due to natural factors or porn-induced factors. Because if it's porn-induced, the woman would have to be able to handle porn in her relationship.

    If you're asking for yourself, then you could answer those questions for your own life.

    Hope that helps.
     
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  3. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    Self induced impotency is a hard no from me. DH was struggling with PIED due to excessive PMO in his last relapse. He’s still not 100% back to normal. I did tell him if he is unable to be normal that is a huge deal for me. Sex is very important in a relationship to me.

    Now if it was a medical issue that would be different and out of his control.
     
  4. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    We would pursue treatment or use other methods of intimacy. People that use porn can’t be intimate...so wouldn’t be the same thing.
     
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  5. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    I don’t wish ED on anyone. It sure can ruin self esteem. After I replied I was thinking if the medical condition was self imposed I’d also probably feel differently. Like if he had diabetes but didn’t take care of himself.
     
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  6. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

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    if your question is about ED. ED in most people in our generation occurs wen the stimulation that the Internet offers to the brain is abnormal and too powerful, which makes us have totally unrealistic expectations of what a real sex with a woman is. So, lot of addicts can ejaculate easily for porn and not for real women.

    ED will be cured when you abstain from porn and give the brain enough time to rewire. It might take sevral months of abstainance to see the differnence.
     
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  7. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    I’ve seen cases and met couples where years have passed without a return of normal sexual function. It really depends on the amount of porn use and other behaviors. Some haven’t had a sexual relationship in 3+ years due to PIED. While I wish it was several months for everyone it’s simply not true. Sometimes it comes back but isn’t the same ever again. Porn damages the brain and body. Damages relationships.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
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  8. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Kizd4AFool,

    What you say is true. Thats why I say that most ED (not all) can be cured by abstinence

    It depends on the age factor as well. 1 thing with PIED is that porn addicts have no problem getting erection to porn. So, the problem is not with the blood flow to the dick but the problem is in the brain. If the guy has abstain from porn 'completely' for 3 years then I am sure that the guy would have seen progress if not a complete cure. But the problem with cases you have mentioned is that the guy could have peeked to Porn once in a while (addictions are powerful) but would not confess to his wife because of shame and guilt.


    Absolutely...I know who damaging it is. It is spoiling the entire generation
     
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  9. I just want to thank you for your honesty and clarity. Knowing you exist gives me hope.
     
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  10. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    Absolutely 100% true. Brains can only heal so much sadly...and we can permanently damage them. This is why we need to take this very seriously. I worry for our future generations honestly with the unlimited access to porn content.
     
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  11. “I am comfortable having ed?”

    ... says no one , ever.

    Did I misunderstand your post ?
     
  12. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    Not my post BUT if someone doesn’t make changes to fix it they have made a choice to keep it ‍♀️.
     
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  13. I think I hear what you are saying. It reads like “they should just stop and help themselves”.

    Is that what you are saying ?
     
  14. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    If you are asking me then yes, in a way. We all have struggles in life. Choices have consequences. Help is available. Continuing the same behavior and hoping for a different result is the definition of insanity. It is a choice to continue an inappropriate behavior instead of working towards healing. Not saying people need to be perfect but there are people that truly do not care to help themselves. In that case I am not standing around and watching them destroy themselves at my expense. I did that for long enough and have realized I deserve better. I intend to protect myself first and foremost from now on. My counter reflects my goal to put myself and my children first for then rest of my life (and especially this relationship).
     
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  15. jolee80

    jolee80 Fapstronaut

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    If impotence is not self-induced (i.e. medical problem), then yes. If it’s due to PMO or other self-destructive behavior, then no. I can only speak for myself.
     
  16. I don’t think we are disagreeing in substance here

    I agree that you shouldn’t be waiting for a pa. That’s not your job. Getting help IS his job. But if he is an addict then certain assumptions we have to clarify.

    Let me ask this... I mean this gently too by the way:

    Have you ever done like homeless feeding downtown, or anything like that?

    Ever tried to help to give our sandwiches or food in a soup kitchen ?

    Ever tried to deal with any kind of addict be it substance abuse or non-substance abuse ?

    My earliest memories were when
    I grew up doing what we called homeless feeding. We would pack and take sandwiches to the homeless down town.

    Inevitably they wanted to talk. Not to over generalize but these people are the rejects of society. They don’t take care of themselves , don’t worry about grooming , don’t smell good etc. Exceptions to every rule I understand ; but most were addicts to something.

    Porn addicts suffer lots of the same things. Issues with hygiene, losing track of time, weight mismanagement , etc.

    The folks we tried to help to get off the street Refused. They refused our help to deal with the substance abuse. Refused to let kids pray with them etc.

    I share that because porn addicts are not a “special kind of addict. “. They are addicts. Some of us high functioning and ok I’m making fun of this a little.

    They are in a spectrum. The neurological science behind what happens to the brain is the same as the scalloping that happens to crack addicts.

    Of course addicts don’t want easily choose the help.
    Choice is not their only challenge. It’s deeper than that.

    The pre-frontal Cortex is completely detoured in a mature addicts case. The reasoning ability is severely hampered. Just like the homeless guy.

    Reasoning with a bum works rarely.

    Ever notice how an addict has wild mood swings? excited or passionate? Depressed ?
    It’s because they live in the limbic system.

    People don’t stumble out of addiction. They stumble into clinics to get help. But if you are advocating “help yourself”, I would ask:

    What do we think addicts tell themselves about quitting pmo ??

    At some point they want to quit. Maybe at another, they give up and adopt pmo like a live in mother in law...

    “Just quit “.... didn’t work. Hence why this awesome site was born —Nofap

     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2019
  17. If I really loved a women and she had the same issue (medical and not self induced), I would not need second thoughts, and you will find me by her side, always.
     
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  18. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    Totally understand addiction. We are very active in our community with people and also animals (run a nonprofit animal rescue). And while it’s difficult it’s not impossible and I don’t have to wait around for him to wake up and decide to choose me. I’ve chosen myself. If he chooses to continue to not help himself he won’t have me...period. I don’t have to continue to be part of his self destruction regardless of the cause (or how hard it is to stop doing it). This is true for all addictions. I refuse to be an enabler in any way, shape, or form. You can love someone and chose not to watch them destroy themselves.
     
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  19. Bingo. I agree completely. Glad to see you are making healthy boundaries.
     
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  20. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    Better tag me .
     
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